Two Words (revised) | Teen Ink

Two Words (revised)

March 2, 2012
By ofpaintedroses GOLD, Berne, Indiana
ofpaintedroses GOLD, Berne, Indiana
12 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
"How long is forever?"
"Sometimes just one second."

“Carli? Carli, wake up!" I am jostled awake by my baby sister bouncing on my bed. I pretend I'm still sleeping and scrunch my eyes closed tight. A thump and more screams announce that the annoying child is now crumpled on the floor and writhing in pain some where near the base of my bed.

Good riddance, I think until the screams escalate in volume and I realize she is faking. I get up, feigning concern and help the perfectly fine little girl up off of the floor.

"Go. Now. Out of my room. I'm up, see? Now leave." I shut my door and flop down on my bed again... I groan, stand up and reluctantly go into to my closet. My mind wanders as I search through my tiny wardrobe for something decent.

My brain is humming with the words and tune of my favorite song when I finally decide on something. I look in the mirror and examine the faded skinny jeans, the Framing Hanley shirt, and the TWLOHA hoody; perfection. I toss my hair over my shoulder, sprint down the stairs, spit hurried goodbyes back towards my mom, and rush out the front door.

I'm late and that’s just fabulous because now I have to run for the bus, too. Seven wretched corners with stop signs and obstacles that I'm positive will mangle my ankles, I shudder. I slow slightly for the first corner, catch my breath and keep moving.

I rounded the last corner at full speed and barreled straight into an innocent bystander, poor guy. I look up to apologize to him and choke on my words.

"Careful..." He held me up and smiled sweetly at me. I tried to at least stutter out an apology and just smiled wider.

The bus came then and I boarded it quickly, watching the man walk slowly down the street. My whole mind was wrapped in that one word for the rest of the day. I thought of that man, of his voice and his face, and just like that my heart was pounding and a flush was working its way into my neck and face.
The man and I became close friends after several more occasions of me barreling into him. My free hours after school and weekends were spent getting to know him.
Four years after we’d met, I was getting married.
I look up into his loving eyes and smile as he says the two words that will change our lives forever.
Then it was my turn and, with tear-blurred sight, I repeated him.
"I do."

The author's comments:
Revised version of Two Words, hopefully all of my mistakes were corrected.
*crossing my fingers*

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This article has 1 comment.

on Jan. 7 2013 at 2:16 pm
pandafyre BRONZE, Grinnell, Iowa
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
“You dress in shadows, brother, but there is starlight in your eyes”

-Elizabeth Bear, All the Windwracked Stars

I was with you until the end. I love writing that uses small comparisons and occasional thoughts that make the characters seem so real, and you do that wonderfully. I just don't know why you added the last two parts at the end, with the X's? Maybe this is unfinished? Otherwise, well-crafted.