If i lie perfectly still for long enough, i can hear the sound of my own brain imploding. The silence outside is unbearable but the crashing internally is equally horrendous. Enough to keep sleep at bay for another few hours at least.

Good girls can sleep. They are rewarded with sweet dreams and bright complexions. Bad girls are plagued by insomnia and dark shadows. Girls that cheat on exams and write the answers on their wrists. Girls that steal from their siblings and smoke out the bathroom window. Girls who lie to those that love them and love those that lie. And for what? Some cheap thrill at two in the morning, with bleary eyes and snagged hosiery when his back is turned. His love and trust should warm me, but instead suffocates me, choking out the last drops of self respect i possessed. To do well in an exam i have no right to pass. To destroy the body my parents so lovingly created so no-one else can do it to me first.

I'll toss and turn. Sigh. Pull at the sheets, pull at my hair. My makeup bleeds from the corners of my eyes, staining white cotton pillow slips with black crescent moons. I'm a mess.

To keep from going under, i clutch at debris to stay afloat.