I don’t know where to begin, but I guess I’ll start from the moment I lay my eyes on you.

You were coming out of your room from right across mine. It was freshmen year of college, specifically, move-in day. I was getting ready to grab more of my stuff in the lobby. It was then that you came out with your roommate. 

I still remember your shoulder-length velvet hair and your light brown eyes. It was unbelievable to meet someone shorter than me as I was always the shortest one in all of my friend groups. 

Surprisingly, your roommate was someone that I met in middle school. We were not “friends”, but we were more than acquaintances. It’s complicated, but I cherished our moments together although you can count them with your fingers (meaning that we didn’t spend that much time together). 

That was our first interaction… We talked briefly, then we all went back to get our rooms ready. 

After that day, I began to hang out with you and your friends. I don’t think I can count myself as your friend then, but we were getting closer as the days passes by. 

We talked more and more, but not enough for us to be “close”. I don’t mind it to be honest, but there was a piece of me that wishes to get closer to you. However, I respect your space and would never want to trespass it. 

I am afraid of overwhelming you, so I tend to be distant, but close enough to be there for you. 

I am afraid that you’ll be annoyed of me or that I will become too much for you because this is how I am with other people.

I cherished close relationships (both platonic and romantic), but too much of "closeness" makes me feel trapped and I tend to run away from those relationships. 

I guess I am afraid that you are like me in this aspect. 

Yet, as time passes by, we were becoming friends. We still have distance between us, but I feel like there is a bridge that helps us become closer. 

Now, we talk more on a deeper level, but it’s not too deep to the point where we share about everything. It’s just the right level where we both don’t feel suffocated. 

Although the times we spent together now mean that we are close friends, I still feel nervous and uneasy around you. 

I think too much about what I am wearing and how I look. I think too much about how I seem to you. I think too much about whether or not I may be annoying you although I know you are not the type of person to judge people like that. 

I wonder if you have thoughts like these around me. I doubt it, but if you do. 

I want you to know that I cherish every moment I spent with you. Even the time when we just spent talking about ghosts around the fireplace for hours and the time when we were waiting for the bus on the rainy day. I am glad to have you in my life just the way you are. 

I wonder if I am like this because I love you at first sight or because I am astounded by who you are as a person. I guess that is the mystery I will never solve because, to be honest, I don't want you to lose you. 

That would be too foolish of me to do that.