I came home from basketball practice on a Friday and threw my hang on the floor like I was a monster and stomped like a giant in jack and the beanstalk. I plopped myself on my chair like it was my bed and turned on my computer every thought the screen was so bright like when you open your turn on the light when you wake up it burns like a fire would on a forest.I aggressively slammed my door like how when the wind closes the door for you you can just hear the slam and if the door was going to break.I locked it for some reason Gentilly closed my curtains and just cried like a waterfall. Until it was about 5 am and I didn't sleep for days or eat while my stomach was starving it would not shut up like it was an earthquake. I was a hopeless person who didn’t have a life. I was like a student who just failed high school or college sad and lost in words it was just silence. I was thinking why did this have to happen and only me maybe happiness was never my thing like those old men in those movies telling kids to get off their lawn or they are telling their parents the old guy that just in the house looking all sad.  I just went to the depressing waterfall. I was like an overflowing river that was ready to kill someone. I was in a cave that had never seen the light. Why did she go and why did he leave me was it my fault that I should have been better? I was a lost soul who needed guidance to the grave they were meant to go to. Why did he leave me and why did she have to go so young all full of happiness at least I thought.The teardrops were like a cut slowly but painful the blood dripping and it touched my desk it echoed it was the only sound I was wondering would someone even ask if I was ok. I guess they had given up on trying to help me. I was alone like I normally was and always will be. But the music was the music you would listen to when you are sad the lyrics were like why did you have to go how can I change things how can I fix things for our music all the sad girls were listening to too. When they lose someone or get heartbroken it smelt like fire burning or someone on fire something was horrible. Maybe it was me I mean it has been 3 days since a shower maybe I should go take one but I felt like not getting up like I was chained down to my chair like a person in a and my desk was my home at this point it was where I felt like no one could hurt me or even touch me like.It would be nice to feel someone's hand other than mine or just to even have a hug would be nice but no I will be sucked in here forever this will be home for who’s how long maybe for months maybe years the pain was unbearable like someone was being stabbed or shot by multiple people. I will never leave after all this will be my life now me alone forever. Feelings what are they even I only thing I feel is sadness sadness I say I was a cat or dog without love locked in a cage the darkness was consuming no light but a simple lamp but even that I had no light it was also consumed by the darkness. In my heart and around me if only someone would come and help me before I lose it or lose myself to the darkness and sadness. Still sitting here crying like a waterfall by this point it is not a waterfall it is an ocean with waves crashing hard by every passing moment. I look around only to see darkness which is what I wanted at this point. Not even the light from my computer could overflow the rotting in my heart. It was at this point like sour or rotten food. At least I still have music. It was light like music that would put you to sleep but for me, it was more depressing. Why does this represent me in more ways than one where you could see someone light but I quickly got out of my chair like a track star and ran to get rid of the light because. Only darkness will find me; it hunts me down like a hunter does with deer; he goes until there is nothing left but a dead animal on the floor. Maybe there was a chance for just a tiny bit. I checked my phone only to see a message from a friend. What does he want? I wondered. I opened it and he asked if I was ok but I thought in my head why now did he bother. We talked for a bit until I found out he only found out today the people I thought were my friends told him I was probably dead. This was the light I need he called me and for the first, in forever I left loved not even my family would talk to me they thought I was a disappointment after all.This was the light that was going to break the darkness in my heart the light that was going to skinny in my heart and open it up to myself again.It was a flower that was being to bloom in spring or summer you could just feel in very beautiful and would be happy to see that just like I was in that moment.He was told everything from the big things to small things the ins and outs like he got some news that was life or death the worst yet he wonder why no one told him weeks ago when this had happened I guess he was gone like when a kid goes missing and randomly shows up after a few weeks. more confused than I was with myself he was like a person when they wake up and wonder who they go there.I told him you know everything do you, he told me what we know it all matched but yet I couldn't help but blame myself for all of it even though someone of it was out of my control he stopped talking to me about he couldn’t help me. I was thinking it was all my fault but then my friend  messaged me out of nowhere and told me “the darkness has consumed you, the devil is coming for you next ready to pray on you like the scared little sad animal you are.” He didn’t mean for it to be hurtful it was the truth but yet why would he message me if he knew the outcome he called me did he really think it was going to help or anything was going to happen likes in those books was he that delusional.He never brought up the topic when we talked he just wanted to comfort me he knew I was waterfall you could just tell he probably thought I was a mess and a lost cause because I was at that point nothing left not even a smile at all only tears hitting the desk and the floor.We watched a sad movie thinking it would help it just it worse it reminded me of him The one I loved the one that got away he left after we watched the movie and talked for a bit but then my friend had to go. But I started to think about him again he was like haunting me like a ghost in those horror movies I could get him out of my head.He made me hate looking out the window he made me hate anything around me even my favorite game he also made him hate seeing the beautiful flowers which reminded me of my childhood going to the flower garden but that thought slowly disappeared about looking around the sun was probably warm, unlike the cold, sad, energy in my room.Around my room or what I call my, you can’t see anything really but piles of clothes they were like mountains upon mountains it looked like a tornado hit my room my closet looked was a cluster and smelt like someone threw up in it and empty pill bottles from weeks ago that I never threw away because I was too lazy.I finally fell asleep and woke up but yet I was alone in my room like I liked it at this point it was easy for me to wake up turn on my computer and put on my music. What will I do at this point, nothing but sit there on the sad but almost broken chair it was like a tree hanging over.To let the darkness get to me before the light does, just let it take me at this point to the dark side I am falling into the dark side.Some people I feel like are meant to have short lives maybe I was one of them. What do I have to live for nothing at this point but to let the darkness take me and have it become part of me?It will be my home alongside my room or what you can call my room and home nothing let black and nothingness, not even a spark would be through at this not even friends, family, and pets.