I’ve had crushes on boys before. Of course I have. Any girl who sees someone cute wants them to think she’s cute right back. That’s where a crush starts. Obviously being attracted to someone physically isn’t all that goes into liking someone. Loving someone. It’s about their character. How does he treat the people around him? How does he approach his school work? How does he express himself when he’s angry? There’s a lot more you have to know about someone before you dive into a relationship. But, that doesn’t apply to attraction.

I see him take his mask off for the first time and I immediately know what feeling has overtaken me. The unmistakable realization that I want to get to know him. Be his friend. Be more than that. How had I not noticed him before? Why did it take an outside force to make me look at the boy sitting next to me? Really look at him. Admire his icy blue eyes. His soft yet distinguished jawline. His forever rosy cheeks, always full of color.

I learn his name, get his number, become more than the girl he sits next to. I tell my friends about him. Some of them say, “Who? Him?” with disapproving eyes because they don’t think he’s good enough for me. Or me for him. I tell my teammate, who knows him, and she gets excited for me and my potential prospects.

We go through the tedious process of getting to know each other and I get answers to a lot of questions that approach me during the day. When is he getting his braces off? December. What sport does he play? Basketball. Does he want to come to one of my volleyball games? Yes.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I think about him all the time. Somewhere, sometime, without my realization, this minute feeling of infatuation and curiosity bled into a full blown passion. Of what I’m not sure. All I know is that thoughts of him always find their way into the forefront of my mind. Clawing their way to the surface. Pushing and shoving the important things out of the way to make room for themselves. Like air bubbles desperately trying to find the surface and escape back into the atmosphere, but they’re trapped. He never leaves, he’s not allowed. Even when I don’t see him all day, because I had to leave school early, he’s always there. With me.

I’m not obsessed with him. I can live a normal and functional day without him in it. But I don’t want to. He influences my mood and affects my day. He’s my crush and I’m attracted to him.