It's been 16 years. It still feels like a dream to him. All of it from that rainy night he stood outside of Jihu’s window with tears pouring out of his eyes to Jihu’s first year of high school in Seoul after he moved from Busan.

Jihu made friends that first year and the following years. But the friends he met those four years of high school weren't the ones he remembers the most. Who he remembers the most is the Bu brothers, Seok and Siwoo. They were the most popular boys in his class. For 2 years, they had kept the reputation of being the most handsome, and of course, the wealthiest of the school. Everyone knew their mom was one of the directors of the highest advertising company in the nation. No one knew their dad's story, yet no one asked.  

He met the two as a freshman. Jihu instantly knew who Seok was. He was a cocky, egotistical, inconsiderate person that used to target people like Jihu as victims. Penniless ones like him. He hated Seok. 

Siwoo was similar. He was cold, quiet, and impatient, occasionally giving people the cold shoulder. Jihu knew him less than he knew his brother, so he didn't hate him, but he also didn't like him.  

Sophomore year, Jihu started to see their differences. Siwoo ranked among the top 10 smartest, just below Jihu. That was the only difference he noticed that year. One day, Junior year, something changed.  

Jihu was in the library reading a book as he often did. Siwoo suddenly entered and took a seat in front of him. As he looked up from his book, Siwoo looked nervous, mostly looking down, not making eye contact with Jihu. When he asked Siwoo why he was there, he spoke to Jihu for the first time. His Seoul dialect, which Jihu found a bit more appealing than my Busan dialect, said that he had liked Jihu for more than two years; that he had always admired him in the classes he had him for.  

Stunned by the sudden confession, Jihu could only nod, thanking Siwoo for telling him about his feelings. Siwoo didn't seem bothered by the rejection, he only accepted it. One day, Jihu saw Seok beating a student, which made him start to feel uneasy. Subconsciously, Jihu threw a punch at Seok to get him to stop hitting the guy, in which he threw a punch back at Jihu. Soon, Jihu was punched to the ground and he braced himself for the worst.  

Thankfully, Jihu heard the principal's booming voice that rang in his ears. "Sun Jihu! Bu Seok! My office! Now!", he yelled. 

When he was about to stand up, someone lent him a hand. It wasn't until Jihu stood up that he noticed it was Siwoo. He looked at him with concerned eyes. Jihu only nodded that he was okay. Then, he pushed him away when Siwoo tried to come closer before walking to the principal's office. Jihu told the principal what had happened, and he believed him because Jihu was a trusted student. However, because of the punch Jihu threw, he was sent to detention after school for a week. Seok got suspended for two weeks. 

After exiting the office, Siwoo was standing outside the office door. Jihu was confused to see him there, so he asked him if he was waiting for his brother. He shook his head no. "I want to take you out.", he suddenly said.  

"I told you I don't feel the same way.", Jihu rejected.  

"And I told you that I admire you. I only want to be your friend, no feelings in return.", he replied.  

Jihu remembered debating his answer. He wanted to say no but he wanted to say yes too. Jihu could see why girls and boys fell for Siwoo’s looks and, not to mention, his accent too. He was indeed beautiful. Jihu said yes, only because he knew his dad and he hadn't had a decent meal in a while, so he took this as an opportunity.  

They ended up walking to a small nearby diner. During the whole walk, Jihu felt uncomfortable. It was mostly silent. When he was sitting across from Siwoo, his view of him changed. Siwoo didn't look like a bad person, he looked lonely.  

So, Jihu started to talk to him because it seemed like Siwoo needed it. Pretty soon, Jihu started to feel comfortable. They talked and Jihu got to know Siwoo better. He paid for the food, even though Jihu got the cheapest thing when Siwoo told him not to. After dinner, he said bye and thank you to Siwoo before he got on the bus and went home. 

That night, his dad told him he had gotten a job at the company Siwoo's mom works at, MGT Industries. Jihu was happy for his dad that night. As the days passed, he felt him slowly slipping away from him. He thought he had too much work, he ran out of time for his son. The less time Jihu spent with his dad, the more time he started to spend with Siwoo.   

Siwoo was a caring guy towards Jihu, and he always felt safe around him. "You know, I always thought that my dad would always stand on my side and you would be on our opposite.", he once told Siwoo when they were hanging out in the city. "It never came to me that things today would turn out such a reversal of that.", he finished.  

That night, Siwoo only held his hand, comforting him. Jihu started to notice the little things about Siwoo. He studied every feature he could. For the first time, Jihu started to see him. He saw how Siwoo would treat him, listen to him, never judging him, all the things Siwoo did for him, and how stunning he was. Yes, I started to like Bu Siwoo. 

The day Jihu confessed to Siwoo was in this little space behind a dumpster senior year at school. When he confessed, Siwoo kissed him. After that, they started to date in secret. He wasn't ready to come out to his mom as bisexual because he knew that if he came out, the whole media would know. Jihu respected that.  

His dad didn't know he was bisexual either and now, Jihu didn't trust him to come out. His dad mostly worked late, so, in those times, Siwoo would come over. Publicly, they acted as friends. Privately, they talked or did whatever they felt like doing. Jihu mostly remembers Siwoo always complimenting him about his features like how he loved his eyes, how soft his hair and skin were, things like that. His compliments never failed to make Jihu shy and blush. 

He started to fall in love with him and before he knew it, their first time happened. That was when they shared their first, "I love you"s. Everything went fine and magical after that. They were unbelievably happy with each other and madly in love. But then, a night changed it all.  

They were in Jihu’s bed, holding each other when Jihu’s dad barged in, drunk. The next thing he knew, his dad started swinging punches at Siwoo. Jihu yelled at him to stop, that he was killing him, but he didn't listen to him. Suddenly, he subconsciously punched his dad. He kept beating him until he swung, and Jihu dodged it. For his final move, he kicked him in his crotch. After the fight, Jihu grabbed Siwoo's hand and they ran out of Jihu’s house. He didn't know where he was dragging Siwoo, but he didn't care. He only wanted to protect him.  

They ended up in a dark alley. Jihu hugged Siwoo tightly, sobbing into his bare chest when he saw how badly his dad had hurt him. Siwoo stroked his back and hair softly, saying words like, "It's okay. I'm fine. I'm okay. Don't worry. I love you.", occasionally giving him forehead kisses. It would be years until Jihu would ask his dad why he did that. Turns out, he was fired from his job and seeing Siwoo reminded him of what had happened that day. 

But he never minded who Jihu was and he is grateful for that to this day. Perhaps that night, he wasn't thinking. After minutes of holding each other, crying, and keeping their eyes closed, they heard a woman scream. What they discovered that night will always be the most disturbing thing Jihu has ever seen.  

Seok was a predator and they had happened to stumble upon his territory. That night, we called the police and had him arrested. 16 years later, he would commit suicide in his cell. After that night, Jihu and Siwoo kept their relationship even more secret. They no longer snuck around to be with each other. They only went on friendly dates.

They graduated later. Jihu’s dad didn't show up to the ceremony. He might have known Jihu was mad at him, so he let him have his space until he was ready to talk to him. What Jihu didn't know, the day he would start talking to him would be closer than expected. After graduation, Jihu got a job at the diner he and Siwoo had their first encounter.  

Soon after graduation, Siwoo hit Jihu with hard news. "My parents divorced so my dad left to work somewhere else other than the family company. Yesterday, he came back, and he wants me to marry a girl from his job. Her name is Park Kyong or something like that..."  

Jihu was shocked by the news as Siwoo explained. He took another shot of the alcohol they were drinking at Siwoo’s empty house. "So, this marriage is arranged?", Jihu asked.  

Siwoo poured himself another drink. "Yes. Pretty much.", he gulped down the liquor.  

Jihu remembered not thinking about what Siwoo was trying to say. Were they breaking up? Jihu didn't want to break up with Siwoo, but he always knew a day like this would come. And the only thing he could do was accept it, even if he wasn't ready. He nodded his head, standing up to leave.  

"Jihu, where are you going?", Siwoo stopped him, slight panic in his eyes when he saw Jihu heading towards the door.  

"I have no idea. But our city is large. I won't stop you from doing what your family wants. So, I'll leave you-"  

"You need to think again.", Siwoo cut Jihu off. "If you walk out that door... you'll be sticking to my parents' side... to my family's side, to my brother's side." The final words made something snap in Jihu.  

"Your brother's side? You're comparing me to your brother now?"  

"No-"  

"Siwoo, do you remember what you said when you confessed?", he cut him off. "You told me you admired me because of my 'unique' mind. This is my opinion and you know I'm right!"  

Jihu was about to leave again when Siwoo grabbed his arm to stop him. Siwoo softly called Jihu’s name, almost begging him not to leave, and Jihu saw tears forming in the beautiful brown eyes he’d come to fall in love with.  

"Did you really think we were going to last forever by keeping it a secret from others?", Jihu quietly asked. Siwoo only stayed speechless. Tears started to fall down Jihu’s eyes as he spoke. "I only regret that I didn't stop myself from falling for you. Otherwise, we wouldn't be here doing this. I'm not on your family's side. I'm always on yours. Which is why I'm telling you to choose them. It's a marriage they can accept." 

"Acceptance isn't enough, Jihu." 

"Yet, you know nothing will beat family, Siwoo. I'm making this easier for you." Jihu exited his house but stopped walking when he heard Siwoo’s bold voice. 

"Jihu, if I had to love someone and be hurt by them, I'd prefer you. If I am doomed to agony, at least, I could be hurt by you. Pain is love so it would be worth it because I love you..." Jihu felt like he should leave when Siwoo didn't say anything. However, his aching heart was begging him to stay. Jihu, being an idiot, listened to it because he also didn't want this to be the end. "You're right. You've always been right."

And just like that, Siwoo went back inside. Jihu went home crying non-stop without turning back. Walking home, some rain started to sprinkle from the sky. Later that night, Jihu couldn't fall asleep so he just listened to the pouring rain outside. Unexpectedly, he heard a repeating pattern of knocks at his window. 

He immediately knew who it was because of the special knock they created and he didn't hesitate to let them in. Once Siwoo entered, soaking wet, cold, and shivering, he spoke, "I know you didn't mean what you said earlier. So be honest with me. Who do you take me for?" 

Jihu was confused so Siwoo repeated the question. He told him that he had once taken him as the love of his life, soulmate, confidant, and his everything. "I still am all those things, you know.", Siwoo responded. "And you mean those things to me as well." 

After a few seconds of silence, Siwoo spoke again. "I'm not marrying her. I'm not marrying someone I don't love." 

"You have to and you know that.", Jihu seriously stated. 

"No, I don't! If I have to choose between her and you, I would definitely choose you with no regrets nor hesitation." 

"Don't choose me, Siwoo. I love you too and this is why I'm letting you go. So you can make your family proud. Don't be a disappointment like your brother... and I don't want to hide anymore. Please just choose her, for me." 

He saw the tears on Siwoo’s cheeks as he looked at Jihu. "I would do anything for you and you know that." 

Siwoo pulled him in for a passionate kiss, one he wished never ended. "You know... I really do love you, so much.", Siwoo mumbled, pulling Jihu into a hug. He hugged him back, crying on his shoulder. "I really wish you happiness even if I won't be the one making you happy anymore... I hope you find the person that deserves you and makes you happy all the time... I hope they take care of you... I hope they know how lucky they are to have you... and I hope they love you as I love you." 

They both cried in each other's arms. After a long time of holding each other, Siwoo pulled away, flashing Jihu a sad smile as he wiped the tears off Jihu’s cheeks with his thumb. Then, Siwoo exited out the window. "I promise I will write to you any chance I get.", he said, holding Jihu’s hands in his. "I promise I'll keep in touch with you." He let go and Jihu saw him disappear that rainy night. If he had a wish, it would be to turn back time to that moment and stop Siwoo from leaving. 

Months later, Jihu got his first letter from him. Siwoo talked about the large ceremony his parents threw for his wedding and his future goal to own a company like his parents so he could get a divorce and marry Jihu if he was still available. Jihu chuckled as he read those words. Siwoo also talked about how much he missed Jihu, how much he still loved him, and how unhappy he was with his wife. He said he wishes they could meet again someday.  

That someday, Jihu would be his again. As long as the sun beamed in the day and the stars shown in the night, they would meet again, he promised. Lastly, Siwoo told him to remember that he'll always be in love with Jihu. He signed off the letter with "PS. I love you.", a small, doodled heart following it.  

Jihu still keeps that letter in an old shoebox. It was the only letter Siwoo ever wrote to him.

"MGT Industries CEO, Bu Eunjung, is thinking of passing the business to her son, Bu Siwoo", he read the article's title on his phone. As Jihu skimmed through the rest of the article, he stopped on a picture of Siwoo and his wife. They were posing smiles for the camera. He lightly smiled, shutting off his phone.  

He looked over to his husband that was sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. Jihu kissed him tenderly on his forehead. Then rested his head on top of his husband’s and closed his eyes.

In this lifetime, Siwoo and Tahyung were not meant to be together forever, even if they felt a connection they never once felt again. Perhaps in a parallel universe, a different dimension, or another life, they were living their "happily ever after"s together. But living in this lifetime, the only thing Jihu could do was let go and move on, never forgetting his first love.