Community 4, March 26th, 2018

  Today, for others, it is an ordinary day. Everything goes on normally as it does all the time, it never changes. But for me, ever since Jonas became the Receiver of Memory, things have become strange. Take what just happened tonight, for instance. He escaped, ran away from the community, and this is maybe forever. Well, I hope he is fine, and he will be safe, I believe. He is the Receiver of Memory after all.

  I’ve never left this community before, as far as I know, no one else ever has. I have no idea what the outside world is like, and I don’t know if Jonas does. I don’t know if he is fine with Gabriel and nothing and no one else. I do hope he is fine, but what I do not really understand is why he escaped. I mean, this community is fine to me, and I want to understand him because he is my best friend after all and…I wish I can do something for him. But, the fact is, he is a fugitive, and there is no way for us to contact or, not to mention, help him.

  Oh, god. When did I start caring about Jonas so much?

   I don’t know what happened to me, I have been thinking and caring about him sometime after he became the Receiver and started telling me strange things. I am not supposed to have this kind of feeling, you know, we never do. Wait, maybe, it is because of the pills? When Jonas first told me not to take the pills in the morning, I thought he was crazy. I mean, he does all the time. But when he said ‘do you believe me or not’ with a serious look, I hesitated, maybe, I should try, one time would be OK. As it turns out, it does have some effect on me because now I have a mysterious feeling about Jonas. Maybe it’s the thing called love that Jonas mentioned before. I don’t know what that is, but I can tell it’s a warm, happy feeling, but it makes me feel ambivalent. Just for now, I can tell that this love is good…this love is bad…it’s hazy… I don’t have a clear idea of it but at least I know I’m feeling good about Jonas. I know I have been losing grip like a sinking ship, and I would never say this, but still, I hope this love comes back to me again.

  I really wish Jonas comes back, I still need someone to tell me those weird and hilarious experiences and feelings during our training in the Annex room, and I need a man to help me figure this mysterious feeling called love since Jonas has memory. Well, I hope when he left me, all the memories of us follow him.

That is all for today, I guess. This letter will be burned, nobody will ever see it.