Hello my name is Serena-

Walking up the steps of my new school gives me the new and excited feeling of the sun rising inside of me.  That feeling when your stomach is twisted up, but you can’t stop smiling. Taking each step one by one I looked around enjoying the entirety of it all.  All the girls in their plaid skirts and boys in their button ups, waiting on the front stairs for the first bell to ring. Then it happened.

The one possible thing that could have gone wrong in the moment did.

I felt it happening when my foot grabbed the edge of the step.  My body began to jerk forward. I regretted carrying my books in this moment because now there was no way I was saving myself from face planting on the ground.  

“Serena!” my mom howled fearfully from the bottom of the stairs.  

My eyes widened and my cheeks were suddenly warm.  I wasn’t looking, but I could feel everyone staring at me.  I felt like their eyes were burning holes into my body. The shrieking began as tears began to fill my eyes.  Soon the tears were falling from my eyes as my arms and legs flailed in the air. Noises were coming out of my mouth made up of absolute nonsense.  All of a sudden my mother was at my side caressing my arm. I looked into her eyes, below her crumpled forehead, and above her frowning lips, her eyes showed the same thing they had for 13 years, pity.

On the outside I look like your average 13- year-old girl, but once people hear me talk or watch me struggle to do something so simple (like walk up the stairs for example) they realize that I’m not just your average 13-year-old.  

Autism is something I was born with so I should be used to it now.  But I’m not. I have all of these thoughts and feelings that are almost impossible to get across to people.  Autism traps me inside of a locked cage.   

I have never really enjoyed interactions with other people.  Especially conversations with the ones who talk to me like I’m two years old.  

I’m deciding to make this new school a fresh start.  It will be good for me. The only other school I’ve been a student in was a school made up of more people like me.  I realized I wanted less people who were just as terrible at communicating with others as me. Technically this realization came to me after my mom told me that I would be going to a new school, but nonetheless I think that this change will be good for me, well, after people forget the image of me on the ground screaming my head off.

My new school is called Centertown Prep.  A combination of middle schoolers and high schoolers ranging from the ages 12 to 18.  They recently opened up a new program for mentally disabled kids at the school. To get in I had to pass a series of exams because they only wanted the kids who could “actually learn in a classroom environment” as it was so perfectly stated in the letter we all received.

I don’t think people realize I’m smart.  My own mother doesn’t trust me to do my homework by myself.  My brain works perfectly fine but people just assume it doesn’t when they hear me talk.  I am definitely no prodigy. I won’t ever be famous for having Autism and being a genius.  Though that would make a great story… it’s not mine.

I need the most learning in the social aspect of things.  I am terrible at keeping conversation, mostly cause I can’t talk normally.  However, I wish I had someone to talk with, or at least someone who could talk to me.  Someone who is kind and not just because they have to be. That’s what I really want out of this year at school.  

A friend.

Hello my name is Mom-

Watching her walk up those steps holding her books made me the proudest mom ever.  She stopped, looking around at the kids on the steps and smiled. I giggled to myself at the pure joy on my daughter’s face.  

My smile quickly faded when I saw her foot miss the step.  I gasped and started to run towards her. The uncontrollable screaming started just like it had since she was a baby.  She couldn’t help it. When I was by her side I looked down into her sad eyes. I looked up only to see all of the kids staring and whispering and some so confused they had their heads cocked to the side.  At this point Serena was wailing and flailing her arms around. She was mad so I backed away and she stopped.

“Serena,” I mumbled to her, “honey it’s okay to be nervous about going to a new school.  You know that this is not going to help any of that go away.” She glared at me now, trying to put her eyebrows down.  She was trying to get up so I walked over and pulled her. She turned away and finished walking up the steps without me.  

She may be a little out of the ordinary, but I definitely have a teenager.  

Hello my name is Emily-    

“Tracy how was your summer?” I asked looking around the steps to see if he was here yet.  

Tracy was talking about how she went out west and saw the Grand Canyon but I wasn’t listening.  I smiled and nodded my head while continuing to look around. That’s when I saw him. Daniel Clifford.  My crush (and only crush) since the 2nd grade.

I sighed, Tracy waved her hands in front of my face “Emily?  Are you even listening to m-, oh I see,” she said smirking and waving her eyebrows around.

I was about to scold her, when I heard someone screech.  I looked over to the middle of the staircase and realized someone had fallen.  A girl who looked about my age but was not acting like it.  Her limbs were flailing like a toddler in a temper-tantrum.

It was crazy how fast the different groups of people got quiet.  A woman from the bottom of the stairs was running two steps at a time up to the girl who I would assume was her daughter.  At this point the girl was making weird yelling noises. They sounded like they were supposed to be words, but weren’t quite there yet.  

“Ohmygod,” Tracy whispered, “I forgot that the school was opening up spots for mental kids.”

I scoffed and looked at Tracy, “What makes you think that girl is disabled?”

“Open your eyes Em,” Tracy gestured to the girl who was finally calming down.  I rolled my eyes at her and looked around. Everyone was turning back to their groups, their voices slowly increasing in volume and obviously talking about the poor girl.  I just wished that kids would respect people who are different than them. It’s harder for people to want to go to places like school, when everyone around them is judging them.

It must be ten thousand times harder for the ones who can’t hide it like I can.

Serena-

“So, Serena, I want you to know that whenever you are having any problems with school work or with the people in school, just come to me,” Miss Benjamin explained.  

Miss Benjamin was the new counselor for the kids who were coming in on the new program.  She wasn’t making me want to run out of her office so far which was good news since I had to come see her everyday for the next two weeks.  

At my old school they would paint the room ocean themed and would hang up the artwork of their kids.  Imagine your pediatricians office and multiply the amount of childish things by, a lot. Her office wasn’t like all of the offices at my old school.  

“I know that you have tried in the past, but I would like to try speech therapy with you again,” I tried to roll my eyes at her but ended up just tilting my whole head backward.  She started to shake her head.

“I know, I know it’s annoying and it might not even end up working, which you know, but imagine being able to carry a conversation easier than you do now Serena,” I looked hard right into her eyes, “wouldn’t that be pretty great?”

“Yes,” I grunted looking away.  Though I was annoyed with the idea of people making me pronounce one word over and over again, I knew what I wanted.  Friends. And in order to get those, you need to be able to talk to them… I guess.

Emily-

Walking into Centertown Prep for the first time this year gave me a feeling I was hoping to avoid.  I don’t want to be someone who stands out to everyone else and I have always been able to keep my secrets to myself.  Not even some of my closest friends know why I can’t take english class in school or why I need to leave the classroom sometimes.  Since I was in elementary school I have been able to make up lies. Things like “something happened to the family” or “I missed class the other day so I was making up for it”.  

I kept my head down on the way to my new locker so that I would not have to make a forced conversation with someone I had not talked to all summer.  Not only were those conversations awkward, but they bored me have to death. I thought it was all clear since I was almost at my destination, but when I looked up, the one guy I was hoping not to run into was right there.  Daniel was attempting to open locker number 124.  I looked down at my paper then back up to where he was standing.  Rubbing my eyes then looking at my paper again, I knew that it was true, I was locker number 125.  I walked over cautiously, as if I hadn’t been standing and staring at him for 5 minutes.  He looked up at me and smiled. I just about melted right there.

“Hi Emily, how are you?” he asked as I stared into his dreamy eyes.

“Oh, me?” I regretted saying that immediately, “Oh, haha, um, ya I’m good I’m good.  How about you, how are you?” If I could scream I would right now. Why is it that I could not speak normally around him?

“I’m good-” I began to interrupt him.

“Sorry, I promised Shivonne I would go see her before class, lets uh, let's talk later bye!” I said as I began to walk away.  Why was I like this? He probably thinks that I hate him, little does he know I actually want to marry him.

Serena-

I could not be more excited for my first class.  English has always been my favorite because I love reading and writing and everything about stories and books and poems and I just could not imagine myself without having read all of the millions of things that I have.  

Before I had left Miss Benjamin’s that morning, I was able to meet the aid who would be writing for me and when I needed it they would help with things that I might not be able to pronounce correctly.  I told my mom I didn’t need one and that I would be able to do all those things by myself but this morning when I fell, I realized it might be nice to have someone who can pick me right back up and pretend it didn’t happen at all.  Her name was Mrs. Crump and that’s about all the information she gave me before telling me to walk faster down the hall because I would “get trampled like a small animal against a herd of donkeys,” so I could tell this was going to be worse than expected.    

Walking into the english class was the best thing that had happened all morning.  There was an entire wall in the back that was full of books and I could not wait to get my hands on all of them.  

“Hello class!” the teacher in the front chirped, “Everyone can you please take a seat, these will be your seats for the rest of the semester so choose wisely please,” she said smiling.  Everyone began scrambling to find seats with to their friends. I didn’t know where to go but Mrs. Crump seemed to know exactly where she wanted to be. Seeing as she was my only acquaintance so far, I followed her to one of the seats in the back corner.  She helped me sit down and got my books and papers out on the desk. I looked around me to see who I was going to be with for the next semester. I smiled at the girl who was sitting next to me, but instead of smiling back she looked me up and down, rolled her eyes, then got up and went to sit somewhere else.  

The rest of english class was fine but I couldn’t stop thinking that this was how it was going to be for the rest of the year.  There was going to be no opportunity for me to make any friends because everyone is afraid or disgusted of who I am. All I can do is hope that there are nice people in this school who won’t define me as my disability, but get to know me before judging me.  

Emily-

“Em come sit over here!” yelled Shivonne from the other side of the math class.  I couldn’t believe it was only 4th period. We were only halfway through the day.  I groaned at the thought and walked over to Shivonne. She had been by best friend since we were in kindergarten.  I am her number one because I basically do what she says. I depend on her to help me out with many things and she keeps my secrets.  She is the only one who knows my big secret, and I trust her with it.

“Hey Shiv,” I said waving to her and the possy of girls behind her.  She was able to hold power over lots of people and as her best friend they’re kind of my possy too… I guess.  I didn’t love that she made them follow her around and do what she wanted, but eventually I got used to it.

“Get in your seats people, c’mon hurry up,” Mr. Madicine grumbled, shuffling over to the board at the front.  

“This is going to be dreadful,” Shivonne whispered to me, “he’s a grumpy old man.”

“Maybe not,” I mumbled wondering why I had to be the positive one every time.

“Come sit in the back with me,” Shivonne smiled, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the back with her.  In the back corner there were two spots next to each other. Shivonne began to walk to the two spots but that was when a girl walked into the room making a weird grumbling noise.  Everyone stopped and looked at her. She got quiet and hobbled over to one of the seats that we were going to sit in. I saw Shivonne’s face get all scrunched up. Her eyes rolled back into her head as she stormed over to where the girl sat down.  I looked back at the girl who had no idea what was about to happen and I wondered where her aid was. Looking closer I noticed that it was the same girl who had fallen on the stairs that morning.

“Shivonne don’t,” I said through my teeth as I pulled her back, “her day has already been a hard one don’t make it worse.”  She pulled her arm out of my grasp and trudged over to the poor girl. Shivonne got upset by these stupid things and I didn’t know why.  She had always been like this. When she didn’t get what she wanted she became someone else.

“Hey there,” Shivonne said nicely to the girl, “do you mind if me and my friend take that seat?”  The girl stared at her. “Please…?” Shivonne asked confused.

“No this is m’ seat,” the girl stuttered.  Of course by this point Shivonne had her possy behind her.  I stood back farther not wanting to be included in the situation.  

Shivonne cocked her hip to the side, “well, I guess you need it more than I do anyway.  Unlike you, I can actually walk up a flight of stairs without spazzing out.”

“Please stop,” the girl said looking around scared and then down at her feet.

“Ya o-o-okay you moron,” Shivonne said, obviously mimicking the girl.  My face got hot and I could feel the anger boiling inside of me.

“SHUT UP!” I yelled loud enough the whole class got quiet.  The teacher turned around and put a scolding finger in the air at me.  

“Yeah!” Shivonne turned and winked at me, “Shut up.”

“No Shivonne,” I said walking over to her, “I’m talking to you.”  She looked at me and opened her mouth but nothing coming out.  “I am so done with your crap.  The way you treat people like crap the way you treat these girls like crap,” I gestured to her possy who were beginning to disperse, “I don’t want to be the girl who is known as your best friend, I want to be me now.”  

“Em, c’mon,” Shivonne reached out to grab my arm but I pulled away, “this isn’t like you.”

“Yeah well, get over it,” I said walking over to the desk that was open next to the girl that Shivonne was yelling at.  I looked over at the girl who was staring at me in awe. I mouthed I’m sorry and turned back to the front of the room while I tried to swallow the lump that was in my throat.  I glanced over only to see Shivonne still staring at me through her squinted eyes. I quickly pretended I hadn’t looked and took out my binder for math.  

“Okay, seriously everyone, time to take a seat the bell has rung,” Mr. Madicine was beginning to get very agitated.

“One second Mr. Madicine I just have a quick question,” Shivonne announced.  Before Mr. Madicine could even respond Shivonne asked “Why is it that dyslexic people are able to be in this honors math class?  Sorry let me be more specific,” Shivonne looked innocently at the teacher and then turned to me and smirked, “why is she allowed?”  My heart began to race as everyone in the class started to look at me.  I looked at Shivonne who was now sitting down and looking to the front of the class again.  Mr. Madicine looked confused.

“Well, that is a questions that should have been asked in private miss,” he said shaking his head and turning to write equations on the board.  He obviously didn’t care that much and was just going to let her get away with it, like she always did.  

The lump in my throat was growing so fast I felt like I might choke on it.  Everyone was going to know why I didn’t do english class with them. All of a sudden my stomach felt sick and so I got up out of my seat and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom around the corner.  Once I was in the stall I no longer had to throw up but decided not to go back to class. There was no way I was going to attract more attention to myself.  I sat down in one of the stalls and rest my head on the side of the stall trying to clear all of the bad thoughts from my head.  

“Hi,” said a voice from outside the stall.  I quickly got up and smoothed out my skirt. I peeked outside of the stall and saw the girl who Shivonne was being mean to.  

“Oh, hi, I’m sorry about Shivonne,” I said looking down at the ground wondering why I was still apologizing for her.

“Na,” she frowned, “I am sorry.”  I looked back up and smiled at her.  She smiled back and walked closer to me.  

“What’s your name?” I asked.

Serena-

“Serena,” I answered.

“That’s a really pretty name,” she put out her hand, “my name is Emily.”  I looked at her hand for a couple seconds then back at her face which was growing a look of confusion.  She didn’t know that this little motion was actually difficult for me. I lifted my arm very slowly and carefully and grabbed her hand.  

“Ow!” she squealed pulling her hand away.

“I an so sorry Emily,” I turned away as tears started to well up in my eyes.  I had this one chance to make a friend and I wrecked it. Why couldn’t my stupid body work the way I wanted it to?  

“Oh, no, Serena I’m not mad are you kidding,” she said giggling, “you just have a very strong grip.”  I turned back towards her and began to laugh too.  It felt good to laugh with someone else. She slowly stopped laughing and the smile wiped right off her face.  

I could tell she was reliving the fact that people knew.  People knew that she was just a little bit different.

“You know, Serena,” she took a deep breath and looked at the ground again, “trust me I know that I am not going through what you have to at all.  But I do know you have to deal with losers like Shivonne making fun of you way too often and I think that it’s super stupid.  Why are people who are just a little bit different than normal treated badly? I mean, weren’t we taught that being different was a good thing?  That we should accept who we are and then we will be accepted by others? It’s funny how much people care when you are just a little different. Everyone’s different, so why not just accept the fact some of us are more different than others.  I mean, this whole time I’ve been hiding the fact that I have dyslexia but I shouldn’t have cared. So what if I get made fun of for it? I shouldn’t hide it even if it changes how people see me, especially since other people like you can’t.” She took a deep breath and looked up at me.  Her maskara was running down her face and her cheeks were flushed. Only one thought was going through my head.

“Took words right ou’ my mouth” I whispered.

Emily-

Shivonne was ignoring me now (and probably forever).  Good thing I had made a friend of Serena. She understands me.  A real friend is someone who doesn’t run away screaming and crying within the first few minutes of meeting them even after seeing you have a mental-breakdown on the bathroom floor.  

After the bathroom incident Serena offered to help me read the one-page-story we got in english and said that it would help her with her speech therapy as well.  It’s almost like we are made to be friends.

Serena-

My mom was picking us up so I told Emily to meet me right outside the front door.  My mom technically didn’t know that I was having a friend over but I knew she would be fine with it.  I don’t think she expected her very own daughter to come home with a friend on the first day of school.  She probably didn’t expect me to come home with one… ever.

“Serena?” Emily had just walked out of the school and was looking around so I waved.  “Oh, hi!” she yipped, “I’m so excited!”

“Me too!” I yelled looking at the line of cars, “Oh that car ‘ight there is my mum,” I said pointing to the blue SUV.

“Want me to carry your bag?” she asked.  I felt awkward saying yes but I really needed the help.

“Yes pleaseee,” I giggled.

“Okay,” she took the backpack from me, “but it comes at a price.”  I was worried, was this going to be one of those friendships?  “Ohmygosh,” she laughed throwing her head back, “stop looking so worried.  The price is that you listen to me talk and talk and talk about the boy I’ve loved forever.”  I started laughing with her and opened the car door. She was a real friend.  One who complained about her problems and talked about boys with me.  This was what I had been waiting for my whole life.  

“Hey mum,” I said smiling at her, “this is my friend Emily… mind if she comes over?”