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Love’s Consequences
She cries, her tears spilling and stinging her self-inflicted wounds. They trail down her cheek and drip to the edge of her chin before soaking into the ground, it’s thirsty dust flying up to meet the liquid. It splashes and leaves a slightly darker stain on the dirt. The sobs rack her body and she is unable to stop them, her lips quiver and her breaths come out in small gasps.
She kneels on the chilly sod and presses her already grimy forehead to it, her cries temporarily choking her. Her body shivers in small bursts and she lifts her degraded head off the floor, weeping to the midnight sky. Her throat rasps and she groans, her back aching from being bent over. What has happened to her?
He happened.
She took a gamble for his choice. In turn, he decided.
She lost.
And here she was, nothing but the mysterious woods and the hooting of owls there to drown out her desperate cries. She suffocated her hiccups and leaned against the bark of the oak tree, trying to catch her breath.
His final decision broke her. Killed her in cold blood. Burned her till she couldn’t breathe anything but ashes. Scarred her till she became a disfigured monster. Drowned her in pain and false-hope. Reduced her to nothing but a bleeding heart trying to patch itself up with lies.
She had begged and pleaded with him. To take care when he chose. To think clearly he was picking. But he paid no heed to her wise words. He was naive and gullible. He fell for a girl, if you could even call her that, who wanted nothing but his wealth and his reputation. Then, he turned around and scorned her. The same girl who he once told that he loved her. The same girl who would die for him. But he didn’t see any of that.
She had stared into his dark green eyes and seen regret and confusion swirling in them. She knew what he was about to say. Her lips parted in an attempt to stop him from making a mistake, but she was too late. It came too soon.
“I choose her.”
She had heard that and ran. Just ran into the woods. She trampled small shrubs, snapped twigs, and her legs and arms scratched by crooked branches.
She felt as if her chest had been wrenched open and her heart had smashed into jagged pieces. She sank to her knees and tried to stifle the screams that were about to burst from her throat. Sweat beaded on her forehead as she gasped for air.
The hurt and feeling of betrayal was still fresh in her mind. It was a vulnerability and an open wound, ready for another to come and crush her as if she wasn’t worth anything. Her tears came once more, cascading down her flushed cheeks, as she bit her lip, trying to stop. Her teeth ripped through it, just as a razor had once cut through her wrists and stomach.
She arms wrapped around her abdomen in an attempt to empathize with herself. She felt pathetic. She was just a country girl who fell without looking, right into the web love had spun. She had given everything to a boy who changed his mind.
What was she thinking? Why would he ever pick her over a beautiful, city supermodel with a huge following and a pretty bank account? Why would he ever see her as anything but a source of comfort when he needed a distraction? That was all she was.
A distraction.
She hung her head in shame and depression. How could she be so stupid? Once again, the blame was on her for flying too high and dreaming too much. For believing too desperately and hoping too much. It was her fault.
The hurt was so raw, each breath took an immense amount of effort. She stood from the ground, her legs wobbling under her own weight. She managed to stagger to another tree before she collapsed, her knees cutting against knife-like pebbles and her shattered pride.
“Are you alright?”
Her head snapped up toward the direction of the voice. She inhaled sharply and scrambled backwards. She didn’t answer.
There he was in all his glory. His black hair was tousled and swept to one side. His obsidian eyes darted concernedly around her.
“Why are you out here alone?”
His second question took her by surprise. She wondered why he cared. How he even found her. She didn’t answer.
He stepped towards her. As he took in her appearance, flushed and bleeding cheeks, swollen eyes with their dull pupils, dirty and blackened hands, and her wrinkled and stained skirt, his dazzling eyes widened in surprise.
She flinched and sprang to her feet. Leaning against rough bark, she took in a shaky breath and a step backwards.
“Just leave me alone.”
He blinked.
“What’s wrong?”
That was his reply. After everything that he did, he had the nerve to ask why she was in this state. After it all, he was stupid enough to ask her why she was bloody and crying in the woods.
She shot him an incredulous look and spat,
“What do you think?”
He winced at that. As if her words had stung him.
They were silent for just a moment, staring at each other, as if they were two lovers outside on a starry night, but that clearly wasn’t the situation. She examined his face, for any traces of pride or ego; she found none.
“Baby?
What are you doing here?
Why are you with her?”
She felt as if the air in her lungs had been sucked out. She stumbled back once more. It was her. The gold-digger that stole him.
The supermodel stepped towards. She eyed the crying girl with a raised eyebrow and turned back to her property of two hours.
“Let’s go back.
She’s clearly doesn’t want help.”
He barely glanced at her. Instead, he kept his eyes trained on the petrified girl before him.
“Um—why don’t you go first? I’ll be there in a second.”
That was his answer.
She forced another gulp of air down into her lungs as they watched the fake start walking back to the house. Then, he turned his attention back to her.
“Well? Are you going to tell me why you are crying out here?”
She stared at him in cold shock. Was he this clueless, or just acting? Silently, she shook her head.
“Just go. Take her and go.
Please.”
She was surprised at herself for being able to speak. He continued to look at her, with his beautiful black eyes before he answered her.
“Is this about my—“
She stopped him.
“Just go.”
“Wait. Hear me out. About my decision—you have to understand—“
She let out a breath she had been holding and interrupted him there.
“Don’t bother.”
She continued, not allowing him to explain, spitting the words out bitterly,
“I’m surprised you care. You shouldn’t.
I get it. I don’t matter to you.
She’s waiting.
Just leave.”
The hurt and guilt was clear in his gorgeous eyes as he began to protest,
“But—“
“Go.”
Her tone was formal, as if he was just a stranger, final, as if she didn’t care about what he had done. However, her voice broke on that last word and they both knew it. She choked back a sob. Then, she pivoted on her heel and started running. She ran,
and ran,
and ran,
and never looked back.
*********************
Dejectedly, he watched as she took off, her gray skirt blowing softly in the wind as she sprinted. She was gone.
She would never be able to hear that he loved her. That he hadn’t picked her because he was afraid. Afraid of rejection, afraid of pain, afraid of losing what little bit her had left of her. That he wished he could go back in time and change everything. That he had always loved her.
He realized as a tears streamed down his cheeks that he had just lost her. Lost her before he really even had her.
He took a small breath, and began heading back.
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