“Honey it’s time for school,” yelled Mom at the wee hours of the morning. On time, just how she always was. I groaned as I heard her perky but worn voice. As a soccer mom with 3 kids it’s pretty hard to be happy, perky, and enjoyable all at the same time. She didn’t seem to care.
As I started to come awake, I saw the huge poster above my head. I had always loved John Green books. When was about 12 or so I decided I wanted to be Margo and run away from all my problems, accept my paper town was reality and my mystery was dying. I did leave clues...but I wasn’t too smart,and didn’t do a good job at isolating myself.
As I approached the stairs I realized how far down it would be just to get to breakfast. I skipped. I decided my hair was more important. I walked into the bathroom hoping to find a mess of hair clumps, dried toothpaste, and probably 3 girls crowding around the mirror just looking for a spot to put their face together. Instead, I walked in on a clean perfectly untouched bathroom. I forgot that since I joined the lacrosse team that I woke up 2 hours earlier than the family.
I don’t really know why but something seemed odd, like today was a different body. Maybe a new me…. I didn’t like it tho. It’s not because of the past I had, or the reputation. It was like something was missing from all the hurt I had the night before. But what really happened the night before?
I walked into the gym with a subtle shuffle as I had remembered that our coach was on maternity leave with her 5 day old baby. I didn’t want to come to practice is my favorite coach wasn’t even coming. But I ending up seeing my bestfriend, Eiliana.
See, Eiliana wasn’t like me at all. Infact me and her used to hate each other. In 5th grade she was queen in the play and I was the wench. She decided that the play wasn’t enough and that she was just gonna treat me like that all the time. Long story short she ended up getting suspending for all the mean things she said to me.
When she came back to school she was a different person and wanted to be friends. At first I didn’t trust her but when we started playing peewee lacrosse we realized we didn’t have that many differences.
“Hey Tamara!” She yelled out after me. “Looking good, thought you wouldn't come from the party last night,” she turned around to smirk to the people around her.
I don’t even remember what happened last night but I know that it was have been the laughing stalk of the school…. This isn’t the first time a party got out of hand and I was to blame for it.
For some reason everyone brings up freshman year. The year I went to Tommy Smiths party. Not just Tommy’s party. The party… of the century. Like seriously people talked about it for weeks. He was the coolest football player in school, but I was just a dorky lacrosse player with nothing better to do. Some people say he invited me out of pity, some people say it was an accident like he dropped the invite or sent the wrong text. There is two Tamaras in our school. Weird I know.
I went on with my day with nothing said to me… until lunch. Lunch of the upperclassmen.
I know I am a Junior but I feel like a fish in a sea of whales. I always didn’t have anyone to sit with and I also never talked to anyone. As I walked in I was reassured of the groups of people. First there was the jocks, the dumb-as-a-rock-but-everyone-loves boys. Never talk to them and never sit by them.
Then there was the band nerds. They all just kinda skipped lunch, but the losers that came wanted to have their own table and their own place to shine their worn but still good looking instruments.
You also can never forget the pep squad. In normal highschool people just decide that pep squad is the most loved and appreciated. In my school it’s social suicide. You don’t hangout with them. I would consider myself almost one of them… but people like me more and there isn’t that big of a problem.
Sometimes when I’m home alone or just alone for that matter, I just decide to sit down and read books. In the books I read they are more romantic. I really love fiction love stories because of the beauty of young love like me. Even though I can’t find the same love, I recon I’ll find someone soon. I read those books to get over sometimes how I feel but mostly they remind me of school. School…
School is the worst thing ever created. I can’t stand the feeling of being graded on my ability to please people. The feeling of people watching your every move, and the feeling of people looking over your shoulder at the the most prized possession of work… and it just ends but being the wrong thing costing you your humility and hardwork. The school system's rigged. I thought to myself. Computer concepts was even harder. Concepts wasn’t an abstract, it was a pointless topic of solid regret.
I may sound like I whine too much…. Sorry, it’s a habit. I don’t really know why I whine so much, or ramble for that matter. The matter of the fact is that my heart doesn’t need someone to hear me ramble if I keep it inside. The matter is a fact and that fact may matter sometime soon.