September 7th 2006



Dear Journal,


Today I started my first day at my new school in California. My Mom, my Dad and I moved to California because my dad's job got transferred here. I was really mad at my parents when I heard I had to move here, its going to be so hard finding new friends and being the outcast of the school. When my mom saw how upset I was, she bought me this journal and told me to write in it every day so I could 'express' my feelings. Whatever that means. So back to the point, the school here is pretty different from my school back in New York. It's probably the beach located right NEXT to the cafeteria that makes this place look so foreign to me. It's actually very pretty, but I'd rather be back home. Everyone around me is flawless. It looks like they could be on the front cover of Cosmo Girl Magazine. Almost every girl has a perfect bikini body, blonde hair with golden shiny streaks in it, and has a perfect, even tan all around. Meanwhile, I'm pale as a ghost, and have frizzy, dirty blonde hair. I felt like everyone was staring at me today because I'm new, but they probably weren't because I'm a nobody so far! We'll see what happens tomorrow I guess.



September 9th 2006

Dear Journal,


Today, I met this girl named Sarah in my art class. She seems really nice, but I'm not sure if she's a girl I would want to be seen with for the first time in my new school. She reminds me of the, shall I say nerds at my old school. You know, the people who stay after and ask for extra credit because they feel that a 90 on a test is below their standards. Or the people that hang out at the bowling alley on their Friday nights instead of going out with friends to the movies, or to parties or anything. I feel like she's a girl that I should hang out with because she doesn't cause any trouble, but she's also a girl that I shouldn't want to hang out with because people will think I'm a loser. That is the last thing I want this year. The one thing I crave for more than all is to become 'popular'. I'm really not even sure what that word means. But I know its good and I want that label for once in my life. That is my goal, and being that I have just moved totally across the U.S, I think here is a good place for me to start my goal.



September 12th 2006

Sarah is already starting to annoy me! Today she came into the cafeteria crying her eyes out! I thought she was hurt or something so I gently took her hand and guided her to the bathroom, closed the door and asked her what's wrong. She takes out a piece of paper and folds it; she puts it in my hands and goes into a stall. I unfolded the sheet of paper and saw that it was test she had taken last week. I read at the top of the sheet 85%. She was crying like that for an 85% on a test? Is she serious! Its things like that, that make me wonder how much longer I can deal with her. Today after school, I realized that if I really want to become 'popular' I must look the part. I decided to go to the beach (which is like a block down from my house) and tan. I thought that since I'm so white and I only have about 2 hours to tan I wont put a lot of sunscreen on. BAD IDEA MELISSA BAD IDEA!! I got as red as a tomato and now I cant move my arms at all. Even my eyelids are burned! It hurts to blink. BUT, yesterday a new girl came into my class named Alexandra. I know she's popular for 2 reasons. 1) When she walked into the class, the two loudest kids in class (if you're loud and silly in class and nobody makes fun of you, than you know you're popular) screamed 'ALEX IS IN OUR CLASS? YESS!' and 2) She just dressed and looked as though she was popular. She was tall, very pretty and dressed to impress. She was thin like a model, had long naturally curly hair that was golden and had at most 2 split ends. She also had big red lips to top off her perfection. Not to mention she was tan like everyone else around me. Oh and F.Y.I, I now have 2 blisters on my forehead from the sun damage. My teacher said, 'Alexandra Williams, you can sit right there next to Melissa.' When my teacher said that, my stomach twisted because now I actually have a chance to become friends with the most popular girl in school!



September 20th 2006

Dear Journal,
Sorry I haven't written in a while, but I have a lot to say. So now Alexandra and I are lab partners in Bio. Turns out that we are actually FRIENDS. Well, at least I think so. She asked me if I was new to the school because she's never really seen me around before. I told her all about my dad and how he had to move because of his job. She told me that her dad had to move once for his job. They had to move to Washington, maybe now that we have something in common we could become closer? YES WE CAN, because 2 days after she told me about her dad she invited me to a party she's having at the beach right near my house! She told me to wear a bathing suit and she told me I could bring a friend if I wanted. Now, I kind of wish she didn't say that because I really wasn't in the mood to ask Sarah to go because she's more of a study girl than a party girl. I don't think I would have fun with her, so I decided not to ask anyone. Mainly because she's my only friend other than Alexandra. The party is tomorrow at 7 and I'm actually nervous because obviously I'm not Alexandra's only friend, there will be a lot more people there. So, she will probably not talk to me the whole time I'm there. I guess ill just go check it out.



September 22nd 2006

Dear Journal,
Okay, the party was NOT what I expected! I really didn't think Alexandra would do half of the things she did at the party. I really didn't think I would do half of the things I did at the party. When I got to the party there were a lot of guys that I've seen around school, but I never thought I would be hanging out with them. They were mostly seniors and juniors, not many freshman. Even though I was at a popular party, I still felt like an outcast, I don't know what to do to make myself feel normal. Anyway, Alexandra caught my eye and gave me a huge hug and said 'Oh my goodness Melissa! I'm so happy you were able to come!' when I took a good look at Alexandra, her hair was all messed up, her eyes were a little red, and she just wasn't acting like herself. And then, I looked at her hand and there it was, a beer. Okay, I know almost half of the freshman class drink, it's just that I've never done it and I didn't think I was ready. I felt pressured beyond belief and didn't know what to do. She grabbed my hand and pulled me over to a cooler under a towel. She lifted up the towel and opened the cooler. She took out a beer and held it out to me, I wasn't sure what to say or do. I took the bottle and than Alexandra just made it worse. She made this guy behind her named Rob open the bottle and put it to my mouth. All of a sudden I hear a chant of 2 people, 3 people 6 people, 8 people, and than all of a sudden a whole crowd is surrounding me screaming 'CHUG CHUG CHUG!' I took the beer and took a sip. It tasted gross to me, a bitter taste that burned my throat. In no time at all, the whole bottle was done. I felt really guilty. I thought that since I drank one beer already I would have been done and Alexandra would leave me alone, nope. That wasn't the case. She takes another one and throws it to me. I'm forced again to drink. Once more I am forced. After the 3rd one I began to feel dizzy, every time I looked a different direction it took me a minute to focus. I fell, got up and fell again. Alexandra came up to me and handed me another bottle of bitter poison. I said no and pushed it away. WHY COULDN'T I HAVE SAID NO BEFORE? I'm a sucker for peer pressure. This was a bad experience for me and I know that if I become popular, this will happen again.



October 2nd 2006


Dear Journal,
I know I haven't written in a while again, I've been thinking without the need to write. After the party that was a night from hell to me, I went to school that Monday and saw Alexandra in her usual seat. She greeted me with a 'Wasn't that party amazing?!' so I replied with a normal 'YES!' I couldn't just say no, that would ruin everything. She told me that I was so funny the whole night and that I have to come to the Halloween party the 16th. The weird thing is that I don't remember anything from the party that was funny about me. All I remember is being dizzy, hearing loud noises in my ear and mumbling words. I really thought she was a girl who was popular but didn't get drunk on Fridays or have big parties with seniors, it was strange to find out that was exactly who she was. She asked me again 'Are you gunna come to the Halloween party?' I said yes stupidly. I really don't want to go but yet I cant stop myself doing so. It's like a disease. I finally know what its like to be 'in' and I like the feeling, but I don't like the things that come with it.



October 10th 2006

Dear Journal,



The party is in 6 days and I don't think I've ever been this stressed before in my life. It's not even the drinking situation, it's more of a social situation. I don't think that I felt comfortable once at the last party. No matter what happened, good or bad I always had a cramp and I felt awkward and out of my element. I know that's a sign that I should give up on this popularity thing, but I don't want to yet. I haven't talked to Sarah almost at all since the party. I've spoken to her in Art a couple of times but nothing special. Just the normal 'Hey what's up?' or just an 'I'm tired, I wanna go home.' I feel that if I tell her about the party she'll judge me and tell people that I'm a bad kid or something. She seems like a person who wouldn't take my story to well. If I feel odd at this Halloween party I'm not sure what I'm going to do about this whole thing.




October 17th 2006

Dear Journal,




What do u know, the same thing happened as last time. I really don't like this. I dressed up as a cat for Halloween. I wore a black shirt with jeans, cat ears and really dark eye make up. Alexandra opened her door and she was a cute witch for the party. She welcomed me in with a hug and led me to the kitchen. There were new guys at this party, they looked older. I didn't go near them, I didn't want to get into trouble. The guy from the other party, Rob, recognized me and handed me the bitter poison. This time I only took a few sips at a time, but I made them long sips so it would look like I was drinking more. I didn't want then to harass me like last time. Even though I didn't get sick, I was still in an odd position and felt as if I was on a total different planet with people who have opposite lives than I do. I knew I didn't belong there. I left early and walked home. It took me about 15 minutes to get home. I wasn't about to call my mom and ask her to pick me up at this crazy house. I was too tired to do anything other than go to sleep when I got home. Before I went to sleep, I lay in my bed and thought about what I got out of these two experiences,'.. nothing. I got absolutely nothing out of these 2 parties. The only plus I got was a friend, who wasn't a friends I really enjoyed being with. I'm a freshman in a new school. I have plenty of time to do the things they do if I even do them at all. I got a taste of the popular life and really, its nothing special. That is one place I would not want to stay for my whole 4 years of high school. I'm done with Alexandra and her lame parties. I'm ready to try something new.

Excuse me, I'm going to go call Sarah.