Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.



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This article has 838 comments.


on Aug. 3 2010 at 11:44 pm
Sammyjayx3 BRONZE, Belmont, New Hampshire
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments
I also thought it was an eating disorder ha, but i thought it was very good

on Aug. 3 2010 at 11:24 pm
meganiscooler GOLD, New Kingston, New York
17 articles 3 photos 13 comments
Am I the only one who thought it was about an eating disorder in the beginning? Great job, it was sad but I liked it.

on Aug. 3 2010 at 7:22 pm
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

Very well written and very touching:D

on Aug. 3 2010 at 4:08 pm
foreverever008 BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 35 comments

yeah i thought so too at first :)

 


Coop123 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 3 2010 at 2:39 pm
Coop123 BRONZE, Mt. Airy, Maryland
1 article 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
Deja vu'! This is the part where I tell you to SHUT UP!!!

That was heartbreaking. A frend of mine had cancer. He lived but it still affects his life because of numerous brain surgeries. I loved it

on Aug. 3 2010 at 1:37 pm
Nora.Whatever BRONZE, Brooklyn, New York
2 articles 0 photos 5 comments
that was very touching. it was short but so meaningful.

on Aug. 3 2010 at 11:54 am
inksplatters21 SILVER, Mason, Ohio
6 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Character is how you live when no one is watching."

this was a great story, i think a lot of girls can relate.  would anyone mind reading/commenting on my stuff?  thanks, it's appreciated

on Aug. 3 2010 at 11:34 am
KourtneyBriann BRONZE, Niles, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 90 comments
This is wonderful. Plzz write more. Oh and everyone please,please,PLEASE comment and give me feedback on my two articles The Awakening and Who Cares? I just Smile.It means a lot when you rate them. Thanx!!!

on Aug. 3 2010 at 12:25 am
helloworldyourock, Rockville, Maryland
0 articles 2 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We must love each other or die." - W.H. Auden

amazing! thanks for writing it, i really enjoyed it. :)

bobun16 SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2010 at 2:45 pm
bobun16 SILVER, Mesa, Arizona
7 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
is this a trick question or what?-Calvin and Hobbes

this is amazing! Sad...but amazing! I love it! Could you please read some of my work, if u get time?

on Jul. 22 2010 at 9:32 pm
Fighttomakepeace, Selah, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
You're a great writter, i love reading your work.

on Jul. 15 2010 at 5:03 pm
Great Job! I love the flow of action and the emotion! :)

on Jul. 12 2010 at 7:31 pm
writerinfinity PLATINUM, Arlington, Texas
35 articles 0 photos 105 comments
wow, i almost had tears in my eyes after this, it's really really amazing, at first i thought she had an eating disorder but really she has cancer

KatiKat BRONZE said...
on Jul. 12 2010 at 2:03 pm
KatiKat BRONZE, Middle Of Nowhere, Vermont
3 articles 14 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
The most important thing in life is learning how to laugh just for the sake of laughing! -Me

Extremely great :) ...By the way will someone come check out my work called Items in a Box? I really would appreciate comments on it, thanks :) And a couple ratings; I really need constructive criticism and all

on Jul. 12 2010 at 1:57 pm
Eternally17 SILVER, Dubai, Other
5 articles 7 photos 99 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There exists no heaven and no hell, nothing to look forward to after we have gone to ashes; live every moment NOW, and make things happen the way you want to in this lifetime; not the next."

I love the way you have written this...It's sad but very believable. 

Well done :')


on Jul. 12 2010 at 5:59 am
LoveSickenedRebel GOLD, Lubbock, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Why does everyone think I need a man? Look if you find a guy who is decent, good with kids and has respect for women, call me." "It is better to have loved, than to have never loved at all."

wow this is a great story but it makes  me sad.

Smyle SILVER said...
on Jul. 10 2010 at 6:09 pm
Smyle SILVER, Aurora, Colorado
5 articles 14 photos 33 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Better to never have met you in a dream, then to wake up and reach for hands that were not there."

Spectacular!

courteycat said...
on Jul. 4 2010 at 3:58 pm
courteycat, Lompoc, California
0 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
interesting...

I love it! Its very well-written. Continue writing:)

graciemac101 said...
on Jul. 4 2010 at 7:05 am

This piece of writing is brilliant. You have touched on a subject that affects lots of people and you have done so thoughtfully. The piece is moving and extremely throught provoking.

Hats of to you. Good luck in the future and I really hope you continue writing the way you do x


on Jun. 28 2010 at 9:58 am
Just.A.Dream SILVER, Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 430 comments

Favorite Quote:
Part of the J7X team. :)

This is a great story! It's sad & sweet!

This shows TRUE talent.

Amazing job writing this! :)