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Far From Perfect
Elmer wakes to strong winds that shook his window frame and noticed frozen windowpanes with a foggy outline. He reaches breathlessly for his wheelchair. Clenching the handle he exhales, slowly connecting his back to the cloth backrest and his long uncut fingernails skim the metal. Shaking, he turns the wheels, moving slowly he reaches the window sill. He releases the tire of the wheelchair and smears off the ice layer, creating a small but clear vision to the snow covered driveway and yard. He explores the surroundings and notices icicles dangling from the basketball rim and the wide deer foot prints that circle around the old oak tree. His thoughts are displaced when a sudden shriek of pain travels through his chest. This takes Elmer back to reality, the life he never imagined, the life that was gradually killing him. Elmer scrambles for the phone in a nearby drawer in his hand-crafted night stand. His cold fingers nervously dial the common number in cases of emergencies, 9-1-1. He exhaustingly whispers his long address into the phone, taking long breaths in the midst of each word. The deep voice on the other line responds with a quick and a rapid tone and then hangs up. Elmer tightly clenches the flip-phone, trying his best to condense the pain in his shoulders and upper back. Veins in his arms and forehead start to bulge and his entire body trembles with fear and pain. He hears distant sirens and soon enough boots are quickly hurrying up the creaking wood stairs. He can hear as they check all rooms, opening and taking a quick glance. The gold colored knob turns on the door leading to his bedroom and tensions decrease inside his body.
beep, beep, beep... The pulse beeps in a rapid speed alarming nurses that surround his hospital bed frame. Elmer blinks grasping his new environment and trying to put pieces together. He overhears nurses in the hall converse with nervous and concerning voices.
”I’ll try to contact nearby family members, someone he is familiar with needs to comfort him. Elmer Wildrum just experienced a heart attack not even 20 minutes ago,” she states.
The other nurse involved firmly responds,” Look, I’ve already tried to contact family, he hasn’t any. I got the information from his former doctor, Dr. Quill, at the local office downtown. He also informed me that his wife passed from the same issue less than two years ago, right after Elmer was diagnosed with heart disease. If there’s anything we can do, it’s treat him like a normal patient and give him correct treatment, maybe even surgery then we can deal with the family ordeal later. I’ve read the results, his heart is rapidly failing, at the moment all we can do is inject a clot-dissolving agent in order to prevent future blood-clots and/or heart attacks. One of you need to inform Mr. Wildrum about our discussion and prepare him for a possible cardiac surgery in the next thirty minutes. You know the normal procedure for patients suffering from heart failure.” Elmer silently watches as one nurse slowly walks into his room with a look of bad news betraying. The nurse’s eyes were light green and observant, her hair brown with a dark hint of red and her tall, thin face narrowed at her cheeks presenting a gloomy appearance.
Before she could speak, Elmer continues,”I know what’s coming, you’re here to prepare me for cardiac surgery and I recently just experienced a heart attack. Don’t worry I haven’t talked to family in years, well not since my wife passed, so don’t expect someone to be visiting me anytime soon.” Shockingly the nurse paused and awkwardly shifted her eyes. She didn’t know how to respond and comfort him in such a way.
She finally responded in a shy and uneasy way, “I’m sorry I don’t have anything to offer you except medicine that will hopefully improve your health, but I do believe you are strong enough to get through this by yourself. I will be here all the way. In a few minutes, nurses Flinn and Harper, will be in to run a few tests, after we get the results we will start your cardiac surgery as soon as possible. Your condition is almost critical. All you can do at the moment is stay calm and believe in yourself. Is there anything I can get you? A glass of water? Or a telephone?”
Elmer loudy and calmly replies , “You have done plenty already. Don’t worry ‘bout me, it’s about time I meet up with my wife. Two years is far too long without her and my dearest family members and lifetime friends.”
”I respect your decision and feelings towards your wife, sir. You are capable of calling off this surgery, but if there is anything you need to do before leaving I would highly suggest it,” the nurse firmly and strongly suggested. Elmer vigilantly watched as the nurse took very sluggish movements out of the room and paused for a final glance before exiting and leaving the door ajar.
Blinding lights filled the room, extending from corner to corner, leaving Elmer without vision. The white light slowly faded, appearing a figure, so glorious, so mysterious. A deep, loud voice introduced himself as Agaricus. Elmer was unsure how to act and respond for his own two eyes have never seen such colors of illumination or figures. Elmer’s lips quivered and his eyes narrowed trying to navigate through the glow and adjust his eyes.
”I was sent with a message. A message that will change the course of the next day's, suggesting that you will follow God’s request, you will peacefully rest along side your wife in less than five days,” Agaricus securely states. Elmer tightens his fists, trying to resist tears. Tears that represent mistakes in not following the word of God while vibrant and still living on Earth.
“What mistake did I make? What request or mission did I fail? What could I have done to offend you? How have I disappointed you and not followed the word of God?” Elmer trembles.
“It’s not that you have done wrong, it’s something you need to devote your next few days to. Remember your neighbor, Holden? The child who watches his parents argue? The child who lives in depression and desire? Well, he is planning to destroy the relationship between him and his parents. If there is any hope for them it’s now, and he can’t do it alone. Remember, I was the only other person who knew of his plan, and now you know. Holden Johll is harboring a plan to run away from his home in less than ten hours.”
“Oh dear…,” Elmer quietly drifts in humiliation.”How could I have possibly over seen this disgrace and obvious conflict? How will I be able to care in my current condition? I can barely keep my eyes open,” he complains.
“If you have faith, God will give you strength to complete this task,” Agaricus informs as his final words. He slowly fades out of Elmer’s vision. Elmer squinting and tears bundle up on the bottom lid and pour over his long dark eyelashes.
“I will not fail you Holden…,” Elmer confidently whispers.
Elmer shakingly extends for the gray wire with the flashing red switch wishing to alarm nearby nurses. Moments later, the same nurse who once had a look bad news betraying came through the narrow door, with a slight angle of her neck.
“Mr. Wildrum, did you alarm the system, are you in need?” She asks concernedly.
“ Nothing among your ability, I’ve decided to spend my last days at home, to grasp final memories,” he instructs modestly.
“Oh, I can certainly arrange that if that’s sure what you want,” she questioned.
“Yes dear, that’s what I wish to happen. Before it’s too late, do you mind me knowing your name so I may address and thank you properly?” Elmer kindly requests.
“Faye, it’s Faye Garmen. Don’t feel the need to thank, it’s my job to care for the injured and sick,” she states.
“Thank you Faye Garmen.” Elmer politely thanks. “Now no time to waste, will you please inform the doctor to call off the surgery and announce my leaving to prevent confusion?” Faye nods in approval quickly racing out of the room to spread the news of Elmer’s departure.
Within twenty minutes, Elmer has reached his destination. As he sits in the wheelchair in the snowy horizon, he slowly takes in hands from his woolen jacket and sets them on the cold metal on the wheelchair armrests. He boosts himself from the seat, smoothing out the wrinkles in his corduroys and buckled his wobbly knees. Elmer released his clammy hands clenching the wheels and raised them high into the sky, arching his neck and pointing his long nose at the heavy clouds above. As snowflakes rest on his bald head and melt on his lashes, he speaks to God, with a proud and loving tone.
“Thank you God, for this strength you’ve given me. You don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve been able to stand on my own two feet,” he rejoices. Strongly he bends over, taking patches of snow and tossing them into the air pretending to be a young child seeing snow for the first time. He runs under the tossed snow letting it drip off his nose and sliding down his matted fur jacket, soaky his white tee underneath.
“I will use this newly given strength to satisfy the needs of my young neighbor.”
Dragging his previous foot out of the deep, slushy snow he eventually reaches Holden’s wooden front door. Making a tight fist allowing veins to show, he knocks gently two times, representing his latest two greatest accounters, Faye Garmen and Agaricus. Waiting in the dead of silence, Elmer counts the flakes that land on his tongue and exhales simply to experience the entertainment of your breathe responding to the cold outside air. The door flings open and a women with long blonde hair, and a tight-fitted dress the color of a pink full-blossomed flower answers.
“Hello, how are you Mr. Wildrum?” she asks exhaustively.
“I’m doing just fine, Mrs. Jennings. I really came over here for the interest of your little boy, Holden. I expect your boy wants a little savings or some cash to spend? You see my driveway? I can’t even step foot on it without slipping, it’s like quicksand,” Elmer informs with a chuckle.
“Oh dear, Holden would love to help. He’s been bored out of his mind all morning. Here come inside, it’s freezing out. Would you like hot cocoa or coffee?” she asks hopeful.
“No thanks dear, I’m plenty good.”
“Holden? Would you come down sweetie? Mr. Wildrum would like to speak to you.”
“I’m not bothering the young boy am I? I can also come back later?”
“Oh no, that won’t be necessary, he’s got more time on his hands then he knows what to do with,” Mrs. Jennings chuckles.
Elmer smiles as a young boy appears in front of him, almost shoulder height compared. For the first time, he realizes the boy’s freckles span across his little nose, and his large blue eyes that reflect the white, glistening flakes as they drift to the upper layer of frozen snow. The cool breeze lifts his hair and combs back the uncut blonde hair, making visible his rectangular head line. Elmer bites his lip, attempting to hold back a smile.
“Hello Holden. Long time no see. Would you be as so kind to help this grumpy old man and shovel his drive-way? Before you turn me down, I’m offering to pay,” Elmer giggles, winking his eye.
“There is no need for payment, sir. I will shovel your driveway for the purpose of neighborly love, not for money,” Holden modestly responds.
“Well, in that case. Let’s get to work shall we?”
Elmer nervously grabs firm of the young boys hand and travels down the icy steps of the front porch. As Elmer and Holden continue with small steps, Elmer holds him close, close enough their jackets scrape each others and their buttons clink.
Holden stops in the midst,” You know what? You were just in time. You stopped me from doing something regrettable.”
“Well then I’m glad, because that’s just why I came.”
“What do you mean?” Holden frighteningly asks.
“Let’s just put it this way, I’m slowing dying. My timer, it’s just about up. My job, it wasn’t complete and when I heard about your running away, I couldn’t leave just yet.” Holden releases the firm grip and lets his arm fall limp lessly.
“But..But.. I haven’t told anyone. Not one living soul,” he announces scared.
“You may have not told anyone verbally, but there is someone who knows everything about everyone,” as Elmer points to the white sky.
“So, you're saying you're an angel ?” he questions excitingly.
“Not even close, I’m an ordinary man. But earlier today, an angel was sent by God to carry on the word to me, to protect you from doing wrong. Look I know it’s hard, with your parents always arguing, but it can change. All you need to do is turn to God for help. Running away won’t fix your problems, only make them worse. Now you promise you will never ruin the relation between you and your parents?”
“I guess so, I never wanted to run away anyways,” he says with a smile.
“Well, that settles it then,” he chuckles,” if you ever need help with family or friends, ask your mother and father. They love you dearly. Now, it’s my time to revisit my wife in Heaven, for I’ve waited so, so long. Holdon your a great young boy and will grow to be a very wise man, don’t ever let that go.”
“Don’t leave, can’t you stay? Elmer?!?” Holden screams.
“Now, now don’t worry about me. I will watch over you, but from Heaven. When God decides the time is right, don’t run for help, just stay here and hold me hand until you can’t feel a heartbeat no longer. Can you do that son?”
“Yes sir, I can.” Holden tears up and bites his lip until it pierces through and bleeds.
“Oh and one last thing, in my house. Under the wooden floorboards beneath my cabinet with china, there is a box. A box full of my greatest possessions. And since I can’t take them with me when I go, they're yours.” A full shake overcomes Elmer. His chest bulges and his eyes crank back vibrating back and forth. His mouth drools and he arches his back. He attempts to inhale and his feet slowly step backwards. He falls, into the deep icy snow. He takes one more final glance at Holden, and his life disappears.
“Elmer? Please! Come back!” Holden drops to his small knees, and clenches Elmer’s cold hand. Shakingly he takes his hand and runs over Elmer’s face, shutting his eyes forever.
He slowly bends over, touching his lips to the old man’s ear, breathless he whispers,”don’t give up on me, Elmer. I’m far from perfect.”
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I was inspired by to write this piece because of my faith and belief in the power of angels.