The Silencing of Her Cries     
                                                                                                                                                                                    Winter’s icy rain tore at my caramel colored hair as I briskly strolled down the rickety wooden boardwalk. I was headed to my next class- Religious studies. I loved Ms. Kreuz. She was the best teacher at Reverend Middle School and everyone loved her class. I skipped through the door and slid into my seat, across from my girlfriend, Aiko Barron. This would be our first Religious Studies class since we had come out of the closet, and I just couldn’t wait to see how it went. I knew Ms. Kreuz would be supportive.
             “Alright everyone, today you’ll be getting back your biblical stories quizzes!” Ms. Kreuz sang in her thick German accent. This quiz was going to raise my grade  sky-high! I knew my work was right; I had studied for hours before the quiz with Aiko. As I raised my eyes to my girlfriend’s face, my stomach dropped. She paled, I paled.
             I was jerked back into reality as my quiz slapped onto my desk, sliding across the light wood and landing at my fingertips. The large ‘C-’ on my paper came as a shock to my entire body. I was in utter shock. Soon enough, adrenaline kicked in. Unable to control my anger,  I sprang from my seat, sending my chair barreling into the desk behind me. “Ms. Kreuz? Um, I got all of the questions right… Why do I have a 74?” I yelped, my fury sending sparks from my eyes.
             Ms. Kreuz was at my side in seconds. “Ms. Pryke, you have been…” she thought a moment, “um very unengaged in class… lately.” Her typically comforting German accent now sounded shallow and cracking. “This is why your grade is so low. Please have your Mother sign your quiz so she knows your status in this class.”
             My jaw hit the floor. I was speechless. My eyes swam with tears, as I tried to sputter a response. “I…Ms. Kreuz, if God loves all of his children, why does everyone treat me like he hates me?” I challenged, staring her down with every inch of fury I had in me.
“Yes, Aida. God does love everyone; we just need to let him know we love him back.” She gritted through clenched teeth, determined to win this battle of beliefs. “There are some things that just aren’t right and make God think that you don’t love him.”
             I fixed my vision on the pitiless raindrop covered windows, watching the water fall like a shower of bullets, shattering then sliding back into the depths of the storm. I could feel my lower lip trembling as I sank back into the mass of children eagerly comparing their fantastic grades, watching Ms. Kreuz dust herself off and glide away, but now with a newfound aura of arrogance.
             Later that day, I pulled my mom’s black Porsche into the dusty gravel parking lot of ‘SaveYourGay (or lesbian), Reparative Therapy for the confused or Troubled’. I slid out of the black leather bucket seat and slammed the door behind me.
“Oh Aida! Welcome!” A large woman with an obnoxious amount of Jesus depictions and charms cheerfully bounded out of a squat building, adorned with a large cross. “I’m Christina. I am so happy to be able to set you straight, just like God wanted you to be.” This was going to be a very long hour.
             As she led me into the miniscule building, my stomach seemed to have hatched a nest of butterflies. I had heard a bit about conversion therapy, mostly from Aiko. Her parents had sent her here only minutes after she had come out. She had called me afterward, in tears.  “-I h-have never been tortured like that.” She had stammered, “They showed me pictures of us and shocked me when I looked at them.” Aiko had been straight up tortured. Her therapist had said that to straights, or ‘normal’ people, it would feel and look like torture. But she was lesbian, so it’s different. She had shown me the bone chilling scars that had shocked her hands when they electrified her.
             “So child, I’m guessin’ you know why you’re here, right?” Christina teased as she sat me down on her plush purple couch. There were many strange metal contraptions set up around the room. They stared at me with devilish grins, poisoning my thoughts with scenarios of what I could be put through here.
“Um because I like girls?” I asked sheepishly, locking my eyes onto a strange red spot on the white rug.
“And how do we think we’re gonna fix that?” Christina leaned forward in her chair, her heavily glossed lips spreading into a broad, wicked smile.
“Well certainly not conversion therapy…” I whispered, studying the red splotch on the carpet much more intently now. “I don’t think I can fix my sexuality, Ms. Christina. This is just how I am.”
             I had struck a string. Her rosy cheeks flushed now a deeper and more violent shade of crimson. She inhaled sharply, and with a flustered look, stared me straight in the eye. “Ms. Pryke, being gay is a choice, not something you’re born with. It suggests that you simply want attention, or that you are going through a phase influenced by others such as classmates, or” she took a long pause then smiled. “Friends.”
             The point hit home. “Do not bring Aiko into this! She is a fine girl and you should have the decency to respect that some people love other people from the same gender! She loves me for who I am, female or not!” I could barely make out my own words over my excessive sobs. I felt like I needed to just leave. Just leave this whole world behind, and never be disturbed by the colossal issues that shake this corrupt world. I watched as my tears splashed down my nose and onto my pale knees. All I had to do was take a few bottles of pain killer, and my pain would be gone. Not for six-hours, but for good. I could just let go, and never have to worry about suffering again. I would be done. I could be at peace.
             “Now if you didn’t notice, this country has absolute freedom of speech. That enables me to say whatever I want ‘bout you --- friends. Children need fathers. There’s no question about it! No child can strive for success with two mothers! They’ll end up being in the same place you are right now, Honey. I’m surprised your parents even kept you! If my child went… wrong, I’d pretend he wasn’t mine! Who could keep somethin’ that is a disgrace to your family, to this world, even God!” Her words felt like a hard slap across the face. I swallowed my tears and choked out the only thing I knew for sure.
             “I love Aiko. And she loves me unconditionally. I will stand by her right to love who she know she loves, and she’ll stand by who I know I love.” I countered as I straightened my back and wiped my tears away. “And there’s nothing you can do to stop us.”
             As my horrific day came to a close, I hoped dinner would run smoothly so I could sleep off my anxiety and struggle. It was anything but seamless.
             “So, Aida are you a new girl now? How was therapy?” My mother pressed in her brogue Irish accent. I pushed my peas onto my mashed potatoes with my fork nervously.
“No Mother, I’m still a lesbian.” I mumbled, “I don’t think I can change.”
             Moving at world cup speed, her hand propelled across the table, striking me to the floor. I could feel the warm flow of fresh blood drown my hands, forming a puddle just big enough for me to see my gruesome reflection. She stood and began to pace around me, eyeing my limp body like a tiger eyeing its next  meal. “Someone who loved me would never hit me. I can’t do this anymore!” I sputter through the constant rush of blood cascading down my face. “My whole life I’ve tried so hard to be the best daughter I could possibly be. And when it comes to who I love, you can’t just accept that I like a different gender than you? No matter how hard I try to make you happy, I can never be good enough…”
             Pushing myself off of the blood-soaked floor, I sprinted out of the kitchen and clambered aimlessly onto the rotting patio. I glanced back to see my weeping father trod after me, yelping my name and apologizing. His words meant nothing to me. “…I love you for who you are and I j-just couldn’t stop your mother! Little daughter come back! My baby g-girl…” How could he think I was still naïve? After all that had happened, I was done here. I was done.
             As I stumbled onto our overgrown backyard and made my way to the vast stretch of woods behind my house, I thought of Aiko. What would she say when she found out I was gone? Would she search for me? I wondered if she was going through things like I was.  But for now, the few bottles of painkiller in my pocket could put all these thoughts about Aiko to rest. No therapist could work as well as prescription drugs.