She screamed from the kitchen, yelling, “Come on, and get out of bed already! just because it’s Sunday doesn’t mean you can snuggle up all cozy to your blanket and sleep!” I still had to sleep; I was tired even though I hadn’t done anything during the weekend. She stomped upstairs, my mother, snatched away my blanket and again said “Get up!” I, on the other hand, did not want to and I said “Mom its Sunday, let me sleep! I need sleep!” She gave up eventually and walked back to the kitchen. However, I couldn’t sleep anymore. I got up and walked to my bathroom for a shower and then, afterwards, I went downstairs for breakfast. My mother made me chocolate chip pancakes. But before I got to grab a plate, here she goes again, “You are a grown-up now, know your time, it’s precious.” I said “I know mom, I don’t need to hear it everyday, I know what I’m doing, I don’t need your opinions” and she said “yeah sure” with a smirk on her face she ended the daily morning conversation. My mother and I never went too well together. I don’t remember the last time I had a vivid conversation with her. We never even went shopping together, she was always busy-well so was I-and also unavailable. She had me when she was only a teenager and it seems her dreams of being successful never happened. I ruined her life, that’s what I always kept telling myself, so it’s better if I leave her alone.

It was a holiday, always a chance for me to grab a smoke or get high. I was a teenager who was always breaking all the rules, in other words, a rebel. There was so much I had done and so much I still had to do. There was nothing that could stop me. It all started with addiction of, drugs, alcohol and smoking. My friends were very persuasive, so I couldn’t resist. I was a very avid drinker and would stay outside late at night, sometimes I never came home. My mother was very upset with my behavior, she even grounded me for weeks, but I had to get a sniff somehow which is why I would use my window as my door and then dropping a rope downwards to the ground, I would ease my way out and visit my dealer. I was suspended from school, so what was there to worry about. My habits would never have started if it wasn’t for the lack of family time. I didn’t have a father; he passed away when I was quite young. And I was also an only child. It was just me and my mother. It was a way to escape reality. I just never liked coming home and seeing an empty house with no one to greet me. But my mother had to earn to keep us going and for all my selfish needs. My mother would often cry in anguish, but I never concerned myself with her, even during her hard times.

That morning I went out ignoring something very important. I was enjoying my stroll in the park, while I was going to visit my dealer. I got a phone call; I decided not to pick it up because it was anonymous. I kept walking. Then again, my phone was ringing off the hook, so I had to pick up. It was from a hospital, saying I had to go to my mother, she had collapsed. I couldn’t believe it, I was stoned for a long time when I regained consciousness and then I rushed to the hospital. I was desperate; I didn’t want to be alone anymore. All my emotions attacked me, but I had to get a grip on. I arrived at the hospital and immediately contacted the doctor and then what he said shattered me for life. It seems my mother had been diagnosed with cancer for the past few months and this was her last stage. I had no clue whatsoever about this case. I was shivering, praying and weeping all at the same time. My mother had to be rushed into surgery. After four hours and ten minutes the surgeon came out and told me my mother will be conscious in a few moments for her last words. These very words struck me like a thunderbolt. I never apathetic towards my mother, I never respected her or exchanged a few words with her. I never had enough time with her, but looking at all my flaws, isn’t this too harsh on me?

I got a hold on myself; I wiped my tears off my face and entered the ICU when she regained her consciousness. She looked so frail and dead pale. I noticed that she was very sickly before but-the rebel that I was, I never concerned myself and simply walked away- now it’s too late. I walked closer to her and stood there, in front of her, silent, when she suddenly called me closer and hugged me with all her might. I was awe-struck; I had to hug her back. I burst in tears and started to apologize to her for everything I had done and that I would never ever do it again, ever. I told her that I would never ever leave her alone in pain, ever. I told her not to leave me. I told her how much she meant to me, I pleaded and cried. But then her fingers went trough my hair and she whispered, quietly, in my ears, “Oh my little girl, don’t cry! I am sorry I can’t be here with you from now on. I wanted to see you grown-up into a beautiful and successful woman, but looks like I will be watching you from above.” She went on saying, “Sweetheart, people make mistakes but they also learn from them too. My biggest mistake was that I couldn’t be with you, I was always too busy. So please, honey, forgive me. My biggest happiness was you and you only. My time is up but you have plenty, so cherish your time, live. And I want you to know that I love you to the moon and beyond.” With that said she smiled and kissed me on my forehead but before I could say anything, she stopped moving and passed away in a blink of an eye. I was broken and engulfed in despair.

After my mother’s demise, I was alone, very alone. I now knew running away was a choice that should have never been on my list because the consequences afterwards are hard. I recovered slowly, my mother’s pain haunted me but her words then eased me. I gave up on drugs, drinking and smoking and went on to a different path. I am now working my way hard to achieve my mother’s dream and am using my time carefully. I am a different person now, I chose to be this. This is my story but don’t let it end for you. You still have time, work your way through.