The G is still resonating even after I take the bow off the string, the applause starts and my “playing mode” as my mother calls it dissolves in an instant.  I stand up with my cello against my chest and I take a bow.  After the applause dies down I thank the small audience and start to exit the stage.
When I get off the stage my mom embraces me in a long hug and she says “Katrina that was absolutely beautiful, Nicole would be so proud of you”.  I know that my dad was thinking the same thing but he didn’t want to interupt my mom and my “special moment”.  We haven’t had many since Nichole died.
The concert that I just finished was for children and teens with cancer, I lost my twin sister Nicole who was also a cello player died from brain cancer 3 years ago.  Part of the reason that I also kept playing the cello was that I thought that she would want me to continue so I do it for her and of course because I enjoy it also.  I do a lot of performances for the kids/teens in her honor.
I have been playing the cello since I was 4 and I am 18 now.  14 years!  Most people quit after 4 or 5 years because it gets “to hard”, I have tried to quit before but the beautiful sound of the cello has just grown on me.
When I lug my cello in the house our simple two story house, when I walk in I smell vanilla and cinnamon because of my mom’s candles.  I go into our room, well now it is just mine but I can’t get myself to say that.  The first thing that you see when you go into our room is our giant and I mean GIANT poster of Juilliard.  Ever since we moved to New York, I have wanted to be in that School.  The problem is that my parents don’t really take me serious. 
The auditions are on February 12th only two days away.  The application is done and approved but now I just need to get through this last stage.  I have been training for this audition for the past year.  For the audition I will be playing Concerto in B flat Major by Boccherini and Gruzmacher.  The song is from Suzuki book 10, I started Suzuki when I was 8 and I worked my way up the other 9 books.  I take private lessons 4 times a week for a hour from my Uncle. 
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For the next day all I did was practice and practice and practice, and well everyone says “practice makes perfect” hopefully that is true.  The only time I went out of my room was to go to the bathroom (TMI i know) and to eat breakfast.  My mom brought up lunch and dinner.  When she brought up my lunch she asked me if this is what I really wanted.  Of course I said yes, I’m not so sure my parents really understand how important this is for me but of course I don’t blame them I mean after Nicole died they weren’t as supportive.  I mean I totally get it because most girls go to parties every weekend and they hang out with there friends EVERY single living moment, but not me the cello is my first priority the other reason is they always thought that Nicole was the one that was going to go to Juilliard not me because I was not as “committed” even though I really was they probably thought that because I didn't show it as much as Nicole did.  I mean she was saving up for a 10 thousand dollar Schrotter cello even know we both had 2 other cellos (our first cellos, and a cello that was one more step up than the other).
  At about 10:50 I finally put down my cello and went to bed. 
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  The next morning my mom woke me up at 9:00 the audition is at 10:30 and it takes about 30 minutes to get there.  So I put on my usual performance clothes: aqua top, black dress pants and a silver necklace that was my grandmothers grandmothers, Nicole had her matching bracelet.  I brushed out my naturally curly strawberry blonde hair, then straightened it.  I have emerald green eyes that change colors sometimes, that was the only trait that Nicole and I did not share her eyes were a stormy gray color. 
When we get to the campus I check in and before I go into a private warm up room I see atleast 5 other cello players.  My nerves are now coming down It’s kind of weird my nerves are always worse beforehand then when I am actually playing.  After about 15 minutes the judges call my name “Katrina Shaw”.  My mom wishes me good luck, but who knows if she actually means it or not though you can never tell. But say thank you because that was how I was raised, then I go. 
I get to the room, I sit down with my cello pull my end pin out.  The 3 judges talk with me for a couple minutes and ask me some questions about me and my cello history and other stuff like that.  Then they tell me to start playing when I am ready.  I get my fingers and bow ready to play.  5, 4, 3, 2, 1 I count down in my head then I get into my “playing mode” and my fingers fly across the fingerboard.  When I play it is like I am in a whole different world, a world where there is just grace, harmony, beauty.  There are no troubles or concerns, problems or worries.  It seems so perfect I wish I could just stay there forever.  When the song is at its end I put heavy vibrato on it and hold it out putting the judges in suspense for a few seconds.
They each stand up and shake my hand and say that they will consider my audition and that I will have a great chance of getting in.  And that I played beautifully and I am extremely talented.  They also told me that it would take between 1-7 days until I would hear back from them. 
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It has been 2 days since the audition and and I have sat by the phone 24/7.  My mom ‘tells me to be patient and that maybe I’m not good enough.  And that hurts to have your mother the one who raised you to tell you that maybe you weren't GOOD enough, aren't they supposed to support you not bring you down?
So while I am waiting I play until my fingers hurt, so much I just can’t play anymore.  Then finally at about 3:45ish they finally call and say “Katrina your playing is phenomenal, you have so much talent and potential that we would be absolutely delighted if next year you would be apart of our school”.  I am speechless and all I can manage to say is “Thank you so, so, so, much you made my dream and my sisters dream come true”. 
I tell my mom and dad and they are extremely happy for me and they admit that they didn’t believe in me.  Let me tell you that was extremely surprising.  But they are super proud of me for proving them wrong.
To celebrate we go out for burgers and milkshakes at Johnny Rockets.  We discussed what classes I should take next year and if I should room on campus, or if they should buy me my own car so I don’t have to have one of them bring me to the campus every day.  I think that now that they are aware of my talents and now supportive, I think It would be best if I were to stay home.