English 2 Honors
5/19/14
Left Behind
The wind rushing in through a nearby open window leaves the feeling of coldness from the winter breeze over my pale white face. The way it moves in and out of my long brown hair, making me think of when Mom would brush it and send me off to bed. These long bus rides give me time to think of all the memories Mom and I have shared. The way she is and was so confident even though she had it so difficult, trying to raise a daughter all alone because my father left us. She had gone from full-time mother to full-time mother, father, and worker in a matter of months to make sure I had the best childhood possible. I remember the days that she would come home after a 12- hour shift at the local diner and she would sit up with me just to hear how my day went. I could tell that she was exhausted, by the dark circles under her eyes,  and told her so many times that she could go to bed if she wanted,  but she insisted to stay awake and would  reply with “My baby girl will always come before sleep no matter what.”  Sunday was always the day that I looked forward to because Mom had the day off of work so we spent the whole day together. Every week she would plan something different for us to do, most the time is was something small like go walk around the mall or eat lunch in a little restaurant but I never complained or wanted more,  I just loved seeing Mom smile. The best part about our Sunday activities were the always promised singing and dancing we would do while cooking dinner. There was so many things going on in that kitchen, the awful yet relaxing screeching of Mom’s singing, me trying to be just as loud, the dancing that looked like we were having some sort of seizure, and I will never forget the various smells. Mom would never make it as a cook just about every meal would be cooked with an “extra crisp” as Mom would say. Those cherished Sundays were soon replaced with days of sorrow and bad news. There was never any singing, dancing, or even cooking at home. I remember the day our world was turned upside down just like it was yesterday it was a dark, cold, and gloomy day, Mom had been really sick and was having tons and tons of medical tests being done on her. I knew something was wrong when she was not acting like her happy-go-lucky self. She didn’t have any energy to do anything, her once glowing skin had gone pale, her long thick golden brown hair was starting to thin out, her dark brown eyes that once had shown excitement and adventure were now filled with fear and longing. We went to the doctor’s office just like many other numerous times to see the test results that had come in, but this one was different I could tell and of course I was right. I didn’t want to be right but nobody ever plans on hearing a doctor tell you “Your mother has cancer, I’m so sorry dear.” Having the fear of possibly losing the only family you have left is definitely something you do not put on your life bucket list. Now here we are sitting in this cold hospital room. The roles have now switched, I sit here looking at a lady that I can’t do anything for except give all my love and pray that her cancer goes away. I see a lady who has been by my side for my whole life even through the hard times. A lady who never gave up on me and always told me I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. The sunken body laid in the dreaded hospital bed doesn’t even look like the woman who raised me.  As I sit there looking at this once glowing woman I think to myself how am I ever going to survive without my mom? She has been the one person I could always go to when nobody else was there for me; she has been the one person in my life that hasn’t left me when I needed them most. One small gesture brings me out of my thoughts, a small fragile hand. This hand I see reaches for my hand and is tightly holding on like she never wants to let go. Then I hear the last words my mom will ever say to me, “I love you, sweetheart and never let anybody crush your dreams. I know you will be something great one day and even though I won’t be there physically to see it happen, I will always be with you in your heart.” Then I heard it, the dreaded flat line beeping noise, the noise that just shattered my whole world, the noise that turned my life upside down. I don’t know what to think right now, the only thing running through my head is, “She left me behind.”