Vvrrrr. Vvrrrrr. Haven’t we all felt that before? While going about our business, focusing on one goal, focusing on nothing, we get lost in the moment. I was getting lost in my writing. Engulfed in choosing every word perfectly, ordering the structure, making sure that each detail was given the proper amount or lack of care needed to express myself. Nothing in the world was more important than deciding between “a” or “the”. The significance is indescribable, and yet I would describe it was necessary to the plotline. “A man stopped me” or “the man stopped me”. Which would you rather hear more about? So engrossed in the flow, I looked up for no one walking by. Not once.
Until my phone vibrated.
I never keep the sound on – that’s just obnoxious. Imagine having a conversation via text and every time the other responded, Jingle Bells went off. It would drive me crazy before the bystanders had a chance to complain. So I keep it on vibrate. But that unleashes a world of hell upon my heart.
Who’s texting me? I expected no message. I am in the middle of no conversation. Thus my imagination has no choice but to wander freely, lost in a great guessing game of who could want to get in touch with me. Who, I ask you? I’m not alone; we’ve all had that moment. Not expecting to feel that vibration, we reach into our pockets, hold out our cell phone, flip it over so that the screen faces us, and dread unlocking it, revealing who considers us important enough to bother randomly, moreover interrupt their own life with striking up a conversation.
That’s when the sinking begins.
Right before the light shines on; right before the phone is unlocked; right before we have our answer, an answer that maybe we do not want to know; right before all this, we guess. Who could it be? Johnny about tonight’s homework? Mom about the dogs? David checking in? And that’s when we pause.
We can’t do it, can we? We can’t tell ourselves that maybe, just maybe, the vibration may be the source of even a couple words... By him. Or her. We can’t stand to admit that we really do hope that he’s taken it upon himself to contact us. He wouldn’t. He’s busy. But maybe… There can be no maybe. Our secret thoughts will not even allow entry to that maybe. Because as soon as we turn that light on, unlock that cell phone, and figure out who is texting us, the mystery dies.
Even worse than the mystery, that scandalous maybe has won. It has crushed our hopes. As soon as I felt that mind-numbing vvrrrr vvrrrrr, I had no choice but to check it. I was torn from my world. My safe little world, with no people, no worries, no phones. Now that the phone is out, I have no choice but to read what was written to me. Once I read it though…
I think next time I’ll turn my phone off.