My mom walked me up to the table and signed me in for summer camp. I could smell the horse manure swirling threw the air from down the street. All of the camp counselors were sitting on top of the tables spread throughout the snack shack. My counselors name was Katelynn. She walked to the car with me and my mom to grab my suitcase for the week and then to the cabin we went. Before I left for my new home for the next month I look at my mom and make her promise that if anything was to happen before I get home that she would come and get me. She agreed. I gave her a hug and started off for my new adventure of summer camp.

For the past couple of months my grandmother has been fighting colon cancer. She had been going to chemotherapy to cure it, but they didn’t think it would cure it completely.  It had already spread all the way through to her liver. Every day after school for the past few months since we found out I had been right by her bedside doing as much a 10 year old could to take care of her. She and I were the closest compared to my brother and sister. It was because of her that I was going to summer camp on this very day.

 I walk into the cabin that smelt of stale mattresses and lake water. There was only 3 other girls in the cabin so far. All of what I had seen before from our church bible quizzing. We didn’t really know each other well enough to say anything to each other. Right behind me was another girl who would be a roommate of mine for the next week. Her name was Sam and I could tell I wasn’t going to like her as much. She was stuck up. Not like those stuck up girly girls you hear about in movies, but a tom boy girly girl. She thought she was better than everyone else who was in the cabin.

Every day we had the same schedule. Get up go to breakfast, go to chapel, go and clean up the cabin and do our devotions. During devotions we were supposed to be able to talk about whatever was on our mind but I couldn’t. I didn’t want everyone knowing my grandmother was dying. There was something on this particular day at devotions that had our counselor talking about how she almost lost her brother in a car accident. Once she started talking about how she cried for days while he was in the hospital that made me cry to that I couldn’t stop once I started. At that moment everyone started to stare at me so I ran back behind the wall by the door and just sat there and cried and cried until finally one of my counselors came back there and just sat beside me as I kept crying. She waited a minute and ten finally said, “I’m sure whatever or whoever it is will be fine until you return home.” That’s the only time since I arrived at camp that I felt like someone would understand me.

“She has cancer and isn’t expected to get any better. And I don’t know why but I have a feeling that something isn’t right. I just want to go home and see her. What if I don’t get to tell her goodbye?” “I’m sure she’s fine. She will be okay until you get home on Friday so that you tell her whatever you needed to.” I shook my head with warm tears still dripping down my face. I got up and go the necklace that Grandma gave me when she took her trip to China a year ago. I then went and asked my counselor to put it on for me. She wrapped the tiny silver chain around my neck and hooked it. I told her I was ready to go to dinner. We put my bible under my bed and then went to dinner.

After dinner we had our closing ceremony practice that was schedule for nine a.m. the next morning. After practice we went to our cabins and packed our things up. We piled them up along the wall by the door and then went to sleep one last time.

“Everyone it’s time to get up.” The soft spoken voice said. All of us got up got dressed and then sat in a circle in the middle of the floor. We just talked for a little while and then the horn sounded which was the warning to let us know that it was ceremony time was ten minutes away. We all walked down to the fire pit and waited for the second horn to sound. Once the second horn sounded we walked outside the chapel.

We stood outside the chapel so silent you could hear the wind whistle. We stood there quietly knowing that in a few moments we would be standing in front our loved ones performing our songs we learned this past week. The music started and we busted threw the door like a herd of elephants. We ran in jumping, smiling, singing, and dancing. As I come in I look for my mom, dad, brother, sister. Someone? Nope, nobody was there. I performed the best I could without crying. Afterwards we all were supposed to go and find our family. Mine wasn’t there so I found a friend of my grandmother who I went to church with all of my life. Her son was there the same week as me. So I went up to her “Do you know where my mom is?” She looked down a little sad but with a smile on her face “I’ll be taking you to her, she couldn’t make it.” That’s the moment I shed the tear I was trying to hold in the past half hour. We went to the cabin got my things and got into the van. I sat in the back with the two little sisters that were with them.

Once we got back into our city we stopped at a skate park. That’s the very moment I knew what was going on. The family friend got out the front seat and came back to me. She handed the phone that my mother was waiting to speak to me on.

“Bre? Hey baby how was camp?”

“It was fine.”

“I’m sorry Mommy couldn’t pick you up, but I got to tell you something.”

I could feel my face begin to burn and my eyes fill with tears. “Is Grandma okay?”

“Baby, Grandma passed over the week.”

Finally my filled with warm salty tears and they poured down my face. I tried my hardest not to cry because all of the kids in the car was staring at me but I couldn’t help it.

“Now Ms. Cathy is going to bring you to the funeral home to me and your dad.”

I couldn’t even reply I just hung up the phone gave it back to Ms. Cathy and buried my face in my lap. Once she got back in the car she turned to her son Russell, “Russell, Ms. Savill passed away while you two were at camp. That’s why Breanna is crying. We are going to the funeral home so you two can see her.” I was no longer the only one crying.

She started up the van and drove down the street. It wasn’t long before she pulled into a parking lot where there was a crowd of people lined up outside the door waiting to go in. They were all dressed in black. I saw my mom and dad waiting for me in the parking lot. I got out and ran to my dad. He picked me up and hugged me for a while. I then hugged my mom and they asked me if I wanted to go see her. I asked Russell if he wanted to go with me and he said yes. We all four walked in and into a large room off the hallway. In there was a long silver casket with shiny silver handles all around the side of it. I walked up to her and looked at her beautiful pale face. She looked as if she had smile on her face. I tried my best to push out a little smile and then walked over to my dad.

After Russell was done saying his final goodbyes we left too. We had to go get my brother from his week of camp. We got there and I tried to stop myself from crying so he wouldn’t get all worked up. He came out smiling I felt for him because I knew within seconds that smile would turn to tears. He gave my parents hugged and said that he didn’t want to leave yet.  They told him he had to. That we had to go pick up our little sister from our other grandmothers. I got in the car to give them some privacy. I could tell when they gave him the bad news because he ran to my mom and cried into her arms.

After we were all piled back into the car we headed over to my other grandmothers to get my little sister. We picked her up and went home. We all just went our separate ways for the next week. I didn’t really speak to anyone but my parents. I realized I had stop and be the bigger person for my younger siblings.

I never did get to say goodbye to her but I do have a bunch of memories to go back to as the years go on.