“Excuse me; can I help you with something?”

I’ve been standing staring at the baked goods for a solid five minutes but still find myself to be undecided. There are little pastel rose meringue melts, or, cupcakes adorned with raspberries, but there is also the simple familiarity of butter tarts.

The sales clerk begins to impatiently tap her nails on the counter top. “Hard to decide, eh? Trust me, whatever you pick, you’re gonna love it.”

I look up, “it’s not for me.”

The lady, defeated, goes back to her tapping.
My eyes continue on for the perfect rueful offering, past a cake with shaved chocolate along its sides and Nanaimo bars cut into perfect squares over to a little crystal plate with a single honey crueler. I find myself become transfixed by the minute round with its golden ripples waving over and over. A circle, no beginning and no end, or at least there wasn’t supposed to be an end.

I look down at my arm. A thin strip of pale circled my wrist where my bracelet had been all summer. Diane and I had made them back in May, copying the weaving pattern out of a book I’d found in my craft cupboard. They were different in the end; mine turquoise and yellow, hers purple and pink but, both had had BFF stitched into the middles. BFF; best friends forever, I used to think that was possible but as the summer wore on and the bracelets wore out, I’d grown doubtful.

It was back in July when the parties started.
One evening Diane invited me over for a sleepover. We ordered pizza and watched Forrest Gump, as usual. After performing our best Forrest impersonations, I went to get my pajamas.
“What are you doing Annie? We can’t go to sleep yet, this is the time of night that people start to live.”
I thought Diane was just being dramatic again. Minutes later we were walking down the middle of the street towards Johnny Brooks’ house. The street lamp’s dim illumination our only guide, our gleeful giggles the only entity shooting the sounds of silence. The night: ecstasy for our young hearts.
We followed the rowdy voices to the back of the house where embers floated up from the bonfire before disappearing into the gleam of the stars. I scanned my surroundings finding a few familiar faces amongst the crowd. Suzie McMurray and Donna Queen stood by the beer keg. Bobbie Botes and Erin Sands were making out by the fire pit. Johnny Brooks himself was talking with a few people on the edge of the clearing by the towering pine trees. I glanced nervously at Diane who was staring over at Johnny, even in the dim light I could tell her face was flushing red. Diane had had a crush on Johnny since the third grade.
“So this is what a party looks like,” Diane remarked in awe.
About an hour later I found myself sitting alone on a log by the fire looking at Orion’s constellation above. A shooting star flew by; I had to tell Diane, we were forever wishing our problems away on them. I looked through the fire to Diane’s face. If she had been looking back at me she would have seen the same bright flickers on my face as I saw on hers. But she wasn’t looking back at me. Her lips were colliding passionately with some guy’s lips, who I later found out was named Randy.
I kept thinking back to that moment, the moment she shot off to an unfamiliar galaxy, leaving me stranded off in space with no bearings to find my way back home. Houston? Houston? But I could no longer connect.
I spent the next two weeks volunteering at a children’s space camp. It was a good experience but at the end I was tired and just wanted to return home.
Diane invited me over for another sleepover and I was thrilled to catch up with her. When I got there Diane announced that she didn’t feel like watching Forrest Gump or any of our other favourite movies. She was ‘bored’ of them.
“Oh Annie you’ve missed so much!” Diane squealed, “I was just at a big party the other night and I thought to myself boy, Annie would sure enjoy this! You’ve just got to meet my friend Stacy, she’s such a laugh, you’ll love her! She just texted, she’s on her way over now.”
“Oh, I didn’t know anyone else was coming.” My shoulders sank and I bit onto that familiar notch in my cheek.
Soon after Stacy and Diane were sitting across from me in Diane’s living room going over the details of the party at ‘Matty’s’ house last weekend.
“So Diane, how’s that guy Randy doing? Are you two like going out or something?” I asked as I struggled to keep up with their talk.
“Randy? Oh Annie you’re so funny! Randy and I just kissed one time. If I was dating every guy I’ve kissed I’d have gone through like, what,” she looked over at Stacy, “ten boyfriends this summer alone! Besides,” she tossed me a sheepish grin, “kissing is so juvenile.”
Diane and Stacy then went into a full conversation about vodka. I once again felt the lack of gravity as I floated off, an alien to the conversation. I went home shortly after with a ‘stomach ache.’ I needed to contact ground control; I needed to find a way to scope out the situation.
Diane had mentioned a party that following night at this ‘Matty’ guy’s house. I asked to tag along. She picked me up in her car and we drove along just the two of us down the old dirt road. Billy Joel’s Vienna whispered out of the radio speakers.
“I love this song!” She announced before turning the dial round so Billy’s voice echoed through the entirety of the car. “Slow down, you’re doing fine. You can’t be everything you want to be before your time. Although you’re so romantic on the borderline tonight.” I looked at her singing along in the driver’s seat, auburn hair spilling down her back, smiling. Later on that night as I watched that same young girl that I’d grown up with chug a beer, surrounded by boys, I wished she’d stop and listen to the lyrics.
I sat alone in the kitchen watching all the drunken people make fools of themselves. A guy named Jörg started talking to me. He was over from Germany to visit a cousin. I was talking to him about a lunar eclipse that was going to happen the following month when Diane rushed over to me. She grabbed my hands to dance with me. It felt good to be in a room full of people and for her to show everyone that I was her best friend. But then she whispered in my ear, “This is your chance to escape.” I gave her a look so she continued, “that German dude, he’s kind of weird and is totally hitting on you. You’ll thank me later.” And then she danced right back over to where that Stacy girl stood.
I didn’t think Jörg was weird; I was quite enjoying our intellectual discussion. Furthermore, why should I care about Diane’s opinion? She’d been ignoring me the whole night for Stacy and the boys. But... I did, she was my best friend and just like I knew all about every damn celestial body in the sky, Diane knew all about boys.
“Um, excuuuse me! I’m gonna have to ask you to move aside while you decide on what you’ll get,” the lady behind the bakery counter yells at me.
I look behind me where a man timidly smiles, simply wanting to have a better look at the treats in front of me.
“Oh, I’m sorry, of course.” I shift to the side of the counter. I can see the clerk glaring at me out of the corner of my eye. I must have been off in space again. Momma’s always saying I’ve got to get my head out of the clouds.
I stare at my reflection in the glass and notice the dark circles under my eyes. There is a lot riding on this decision.
It was in August that I first heard the rumors of what Diane was doing through a mutual friend. I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to help her. I invited her over to cover our hands with henna, play chess, watch the stars through my telescope, bake a cake, read magazine; all the things we used to do. But things were always coming up. If she did come, her mind would remain light years away. The slightest hint of concern would send her shooting off into another subject.
When I was a little girl I jumped off the fence in my backyard, sure that I’d be able to fly up to the moon. But at the crest of my jump gravity wrapped its arms around me and slammed me down to the ground, leaving me sobbing with a broken arm. Diane is heading for the same kind of unexpected fall.
But it was the line that she said at the end of every visit that really got to me, “Don’t worry Annie, you’ll always be my best friend.” I couldn’t be mad at her after she said that. I had to try harder to be a good friend. I had to help her. Our world was all resting on my shoulders.
It was last Friday that I caught whiff off the fact that Diane was to have a party. Her parents were away on vacation and she had the house to herself. I didn’t like the sound of it at all. Yet, I felt I had a duty to go to keep our planets aligned.
That’s how I ended up sitting in Diane’s living room last night watching our sacred space get eaten up by strangers. Booming rap music reverberated though the little house. I felt my stomach rising into my throat as a beer pong ball whizzed past my head.
I escaped down to the basement and popped Forrest Gump into the old HMV player. My heart rate evened as I took in the 142 minutes of content that my soul was so well aligned with. As the credits rolled, I realized that it was the night for the lunar eclipse. I ran out to the field behind Diane’s house to stare up in wonder at the red moon.
I heard a laugh from behind me and saw a faint glow about 30 yards away. As I approached a pungent smell hit my nose. It made me sick. I marched along anyways.
“Diane,” I said flatly as I stared at her face, “Diane come here for a minute, please.”
She wandered over to me.

“What are you doing Diane? I don’t think...” I started.
“Annie, its fine! Besides I’m not doing it, I’m just sitting here.”
“I think I’m gonna leave now,” I stammered.
Next thing I knew she had her arms wrapped around me in a hug. “Okay Annie, take care, I love you okay. Don’t worry about me.”
But then I smelt it on her breathe.
“...Diane, you’re lying to me,” I force the words through my teeth. “You’re lying right to my face.” The tears were coming, I couldn’t hold them back. “God Diane, what’s happened to you? What’s happened to us?” I started to sobbing, but I had to go on; I had to get it out. “You’ve ruined everything Diane!” I was shouting, “You don’t care about me ... I’m sick and tired of caring for you!” I ripped off my friendship bracelet and threw it at her feet. She stood across from me, jaw hanging open, eyebrows knit in anger.
Last night I was a sleepless mess. I sat at the mirror staring at the tears as they poured from my eyes one by one. My thoughts revolved around the memory of Diane’s face as if it were the sun.
This morning I decided I had to say sorry. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her forever. So I came here to this bakery to buy a treat; a peace offering. But as I stare at the man now sitting down biting into the honey crueler I realise that some circles have to come to an end.
For me Diane is like a star in the sky. She has become so distant that when I look at her I see the past. I see her at the beginning of the summer, not as she is now at the close.

I turn around and walk out of the store empty handed. As I go I hear the clerk sigh in relief of finally being rid of a burden, and I want to join her.