“My exam was terrible. I can only hope I passed. That exam is worth 20 percent of my grade.” I sigh, “What am I going to do if I didn't pass?”

“Calm down Ky. You probably did fine, you always do. Besides, Mr. Trent loves you. If you don’t get a good grade, he’ll probably give you an extra credit chance. It’ll work out, trust me.”
“You’re probably right. If I fail I’ll always have you to study with.”

“Yeah, you’ll always have me. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”
Those were her last words to me, right there. I wish I had told her something more meaningful. Here’s exactly how it happened.

“Honey, I’m so sorry.”

“Mom what’s wrong?”

“Kelsey, she’s…gone.”

“What do you mean by gone?”

“She was hit by a drunk driver when she was walking home. He was going seventy. I’m so sorry.”

“No, there’s no way. Not Kelsey!”

That day will haunt me forever. With just a few words my best friend was ripped right out of my life. I had many friends, but Kelsey and I had a special friendship. I didn't have anyone who was as close to me as Kelsey. When she died she took a part of me with her. I was never the same.

People say that grief has many stages, but for me, I only remember a blurry gray, some screaming, and crying. So much crying. I often imagined the accident. I imagined her turning around and seeing the car a split second before it hit and I wondered…did she think about me like I think about her. She consumes me. She’s my every thought. It felt like the car had hit me and instead of dying on impact I was dying slowly. After a few months my mom got tired of me just moping around. She called my friends and had them take me out. For a while, I actually forgot. Then when I got home, it was like a Band-Aid being ripped off. It started all over again.

A year later and I was past her death for the most part. I was going through the motions. I was still at college but had moved out of my parents’ house and into my own apartment. I had started to move on with my life. In fact, I was going to the carnival that night. That was where I met him.

His name was Daniel. He had dark hair, blue eyes, and dark skin. He was tall and athletic. He came with some friends we were meeting. He was very sweet. My friends kept pushing me towards him. I finally got my courage up at our annual carnival dance. Before I could even get to him though he came to me. He smiled and asked me to dance. Obviously, I said yes.

After the carnival, we kept in touch. He asked me to a picnic, then it was a movie, then more dates. One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were going steady. We were inseparable. We did everything together. It was perfect. I told him about Kelsey and the accident. He totally understood. At a young age he lost both of his parents. He was an only child. He hadn't coped well. He threw himself into work and school. He graduated early and went to college. He was intelligent, handsome, just completely amazing. He was everything I could ask for. He was the one.

Right after we both graduated from college we moved in together. One night, for our one year anniversary, he took me to a fancy restaurant. Near the end of dinner he got down on one knee and proposed. Of course, I said yes.

We were in love. We were so happy. Everyone came to our wedding. It was in the town paper to. My parents bought us a house. It was huge. Nine months later we had her. Sydnee. She was our very first child. She was such a small baby. At birth, she was only five pounds. She was our pride and joy. She started to walk at the age of one. By the age of two she could walk and talk very well.

Right after her second birthday, Daniel was deployed. I wasn't worried. Sydnee and I had plenty of money to keep us in good shape until Daniel came back. I was sure Daniel would come back just fine, in no time at all. I was wrong.

Sydnee was three at the time. I got a letter in the mail on January 17. I remember the date because that was when I found out that Daniel wasn't coming back. Not ever. It was like losing Kelsey all over again. Except this time I had a huge reminder everywhere I looked, Sydnee. I came to resent her. I still just couldn't believe they could just send me a letter and write us off. The government paid for his funeral. All of his and my family came. I asked my parents to take Sydnee because I needed some space and a break. They agreed and told me to take as long as I needed.

I took my two weeks paid vacation from work. I lay in bed all day long, every day for a week. I only got up to eat and use the bathroom. The second week was a little better. I read books, watched television, and ate. I read the letter that took Daniel away from me over and over again, trying to make sense of it all. The whole vacation I cried. On the last day of my vacation, my mom came over. She saw what a mess I was and immediately opened her arms. I ran into them crying. She petted me for quite a while. Then she told me that I had to move on. She was always good at telling me when enough is enough.

So I got my stuff together. I moved on. I still wasn't ready for Sydnee at that time. Then, on my first day back at work, I overheard some of my coworkers talking about their kids. And I realized, my life wasn't over like I thought. I had Sydnee. Then the pain eased.

I came to love her more than life, and maybe someday I’ll tell her this whole story. Then we can cry and move on together. I will always love and miss Daniel, but I still have Sydnee, and I’m making sure she’s not going anywhere. And who knows, maybe I’ll start dating soon!