My hands clench around his arm. The dark engulfs us as I stare into his dark hazel eyes. Those hazel eyes that started it all. He caused me to do this. He lied to me, he said he was different, he lied. I can only imagine the look on my face the crazed girl I have become. He knows he hurt us, he meant to. He screams. I cup my hand over his mouth reassuring him it will all be over soon. He's wearing blue jeans, a neon orange belt, and a coldplay tee shirt. Almost the same thing he was wearing the day we met. It was in fifth period geography he sits in the front, 3 rows ahead of me and next to Megan litvack. Megan who knows shes all that and a side of chips. Megan whose darling blue eyes can charm anyone. Megan who used to be my friend before i told her my secret. I'm not myself right now. She has taken over. The one with the mind of a killer. She takes to the streets as I can only watch within my own body and see with my own eyes but not control them like she can. I am helpless as she will take what is the last of what holds me to this earth, the one who keeps me me and not the others that hide out in my head.
He looks at me and mutters,” Talia why? I thought you knew me. I thought we were friends.”.
I look at him and wonder is he serious? “You were one of them!” I shout trying to hold back tears.” When they found out about me, about us.”.
“Us!?” he stammers.” I’d hardly call your personalities part of you!”.
“You still dont get it!” I say thinking back to that day when the town had just heard I got out. Out of that place we didn't belong. With those people who said they could help me. “You were one of them!” I repeat only louder this time.
“We were young! I had a rep to protect! You know this!” he rebuttals
I stare at him thinking how could I ever stand him let alone love him. Or even trust him! That day we went to school they stared at me like the freak I am! Even him, he who cares , he who puts all his secrets into one person, he who will get betrayed. Like I did back in sophomore year. Megan and I were the new kids and so we naturally gravitated towards each other. We had just moved from Linburge, Kentucky because my secret had gotten out. My friends had betrayed me, My parents shunned out of work, church, and any public events hosted by the city. So we moved to the wonderful state of wyoming. It was my first day and my parents talked in the front seat like I didn't even exist.
“Is this really going to work Tom?” my mother asked.
“Only if you think it is Marilyn” My father reassured
“But if she flips again? What if Tess comes out? Tom I want a job I want friends I want to stay in the same place for more than two months. Thomas!”
I catch my father staring out the window trying to tune her out like I had for weeks.
“Honey I Know. Your needy, but this isn't about you we’re doing this for Talia.”
Ive always been a daddys girl. Hes always stood up for me when everyone else was knocking me down. He has nice warming hazel eyes, kind of like the ones i'm staring at now, the ones at the brink of tears, the ones who belong to the mouth begging me to loosen my grip.
“We could of been together! I could have given you everything you could ever want!”
He knows I have the power to do what I wish or at least what Tess wishes. I look through my own eyes, I move through my own body but i'm not me right now i'm Tess. Its always so weird to be me but have one of them be controlling me making me not me. Now i'm not doing anything just watching and waiting for the inevitable to happen that i hope will never come. Tess is a killer a cold hearted killer. Shes the reason were here in the dark where the streetlamps can't illuminate the tragedy about to happen. she knows what she wants and he is her prey. Im begging her put down the gun! Put it down! Put it down! Let him go! He’s the only reason I live! She does not pause she she continues she pulls him close and whispers a saying that will echo in my ears for eternity. “You should've seen this coming.You could have prevented this. Oh and don't tell anyone about us today but then again no one will ever know.”
“Tess no I…”he stops just as suddenly as the bang wafts through the streets.
She did it but how? I flip I'm finally Talia again but with a killers crime sprayed all over me how will i ever tell them it wasn't me that it was Tess. I think how can I go on without the one thing that held me as me and not them? I shall join him Like they all say
“Till death do we part.” . I in this moment can only think what my mother will say when they just find me here.
“you coward face the world and its problems don't run away from them!” is what my mother would scream.
My father would be heart broken he loves me and i love him but is this problem bigger than me bigger than us? My thoughts drown out the sirens around me. If I were to get caught we would have to move again but when i'm in trial would any one represent the midwest white girl who went crazy? I need to be alone forever. I pick up the gun my hands trembling just as they start to surround me I have tears in my eyes yelling at them “Im sorry! Im sorry! dont hurt me! Dont take me back there with the people in the white and the padded rooms! I dont want to go back!” I think back to him What would he do? He’d face them but he’s not here! S nor shall I. I take the gun I hear the men around me saying things like no! And We’ll get you to safety but no I mutter my last 3 words
“I'm not sorry.”