She was sitting at her desk looking at nothing in particular. Her eyes were lost and yet there was a smile pasted on her face. Her hair was open as always and her hands tense. The smile was still there. If you saw her you may feel she is chirpy, a little over the average weight, friendly, and that she doesn’t worry. I quietly enter the classroom and sit beside her, she ignores me. I really like her; so much that I follow her, not in the creepy way, but in a normal ‘hey we are friends’ way.
She looked at her friend, Mia,and waved. I wish she accepted me as she did other people. She went on to tell her friend about yesterday, gossips, and ‘stuff’. I am sure she left out some parts. Some things that only I know about her, I am sure she didn’t tell her friend that she locked herself in the washroom and cried, also that she roamed around alone because she thought people in her life were too controlling and not understanding. She probably didn’t tell Mia that her parents fight a lot and she cries herself to sleep while hugging her pillow, maintaining her nonchalant attitude she also maybe didn’t tell her friend how her falling grades concerned her and her heart broke every time she saw in people’s eyes their surety of her failure. She may also have kept the fact that she wanted to stop being this person, that she wanted to not falter while speaking, that she pushed her tongue on her gums to control her tears as she wasn’t a public display of emotions kind of a person. She also didn’t tell how increasingly difficult it is getting to stop her from bawling, that she is getting weaker and she sees no one’s pity but only their disdain. She feels like she is drowning in a pit looking for salvation. She can’t see the light.
She probably also left the part about her falling hair, which was why she kept her hair open, to hide her bald spots. She didn’t tell her friend that she was overweight because of thyroid. She left the part in which she doesn’t eat, where blackness elopes in front of her eyes and she falls, crashing her head. She doesn’t tell anyone that she can’t study because she has no concentration as she is too weak, that her mind creates a virtual barricade for information. She never told her friend that now she has to stop doing her favourite activity, reading, that now she can’t even watch T.V as the pain in her head is unbearable. She never told anybody but wishes they knew, so that she could have an excuse. She smiles, tells her friend about how Jennifer made out with Caleb. She is there between those people, so near yet so far.
There are some things only I know about her and yet she fears me. She doesn’t ever face me and I still search for her, in every second of my existence. I quietly enter her, she doesn’t realize. Now at least she has a soul.