Apology Letters

Do you know what it feels like? To be betrayed in the worst way possible, and by the person that you trusted, that you loved most in the world? You can't even cry, you're so hurt, and crying wouldn't be sufficient enough to let go of that pain. You're just gone... Dead inside. You can't find the will to even smile, a pathetic, fake smile to even try and pretend you're ok. 'Depression' doesn't begin to describe this terrible hurt. It's worse than that.

Apologies don't work. Everyone tries to be there, especially in the beginning. But eventually, they all float away, one by one, certain they've done all they could and that you're hopeless. You'll never get better. How could you? Weeks turned to months and months into nearly a year. It's never going to happen.

You stubbornly refuse a shrink. So now you have to pretend to be ok. Better even. Better then ok. Which means school. Work. Socializing. Smiles and waving and a hundred other things that cause your stomach to do back flips just thinking about it. But you go back. Because you won't go to a shrink. Never.

All it takes is you walking into the school hallways for the student body to take a collective breath of surprise. You? Back in school? That was a new one. That was REALLY new. Oh well. They'd hear the rumors and see the emotional scars. But as far as your parents know, you're fine. You're great.

Some offer condolences. A couple teachers recommend the school therapist. You wave off their concern with what you hope is an air of arrogance.

But someone notices. Someone sees through the charade you've worked day in and day out to uphold. They confront you. You countinually wave them off. But they're stubborn.

They start to exploit they're greatest talent. Writing. They write you letters upon letters, and as much as you wish to honestly say you threw them away, you can't. Because you didn't. You read every single one, hung on to every syllable of their amazing work, some that should truly be published.

You've kept every one, binding them together. A collection of over two hundred. Wow. You can't begin to thank your writer. You truly are better. You're the person you were before all of this. You joke like you did before the betrayal, you smile like you did before the backstabbing. You're YOU. Incredible, that this person that was once a stranger means so much to you now. Like a sibling. You're you again because someone cared enough to stay and help you, to break down your walls and figure out your secrets. They love you for the real you, not the fake alter ego. So you reward them with years of unwavering, loyal friendship. And you've been better ever since.

They've taught you to trust again. They've brought you out of you're comfort zone. And you are forever grateful to them. And you always will be.