Crashing over me in sweet waves, I'm drowning in pleasure. Dark eyes complemented with a hint of red, pale skin with a splash of color. With each chug of liquid satisfaction, motivation for all else is washed clean down my throat. Left in the shadows of my new self was the one I once was, hidden in the haze and heap of crumpled cans. Hidden was the one I could no longer find the courage to be. A blurred jumble of endless emotion, my thoughts are slurred with only one goal; to escape. Around me, the thick white lifts me off the ground. Within seconds I’m soaring, high above any problem grasping at my feet, trying to pull me down. Higher, higher, almost there. Almost gone. A twisted smile crawls onto my face with the mere thought of such sweet satisfaction.
In an instance, I’m interrupted. With a knock, accompanied by a deep angered voice booming at my door I come crashing down, reality slapping me hard across the face. A state of fear and anxiety for what I knew was to come seep into my skin, making their way into the workings of my veins. Heart stops. Body left a frozen statue among the darkness. From outside my sanctum, juxtaposing the chill scene, I hear his voice becoming more and more enraged with each second that passes. My inability to answer, fuels the fire of his rage. No use in staying still, I bring myself to my unstable feet and carefully twist the knob of my door leaving me face to face with the ire in his glare. A crash later his fist lands hard upon my already numb face. A blow to every inch of pale he found necessary to discolor, my body continues in feeling nothing. My heart crumbles on, threatening to let out forbidden pricks of fear and pain. My thoughts raged. Screaming to be let out, they were trapped in my throat, unable to flow. Instead, a single tear rolls down my face leaving him still. Shivers crawl down my spine channelling emotions I had worked so hard to rid of.
In realization that my lips craved to fight back at his actions he screams. One once said the best way to truly speak, was to say nothing at all but instead make an impact. My silence though, prove nothing to him, only provoking another strike. Uncontrollably breaking into sobs, I could handle no more- a twist in the scene I’d face every night, a break in the strength I could usually uphold. His brawn arm lifts my collar high above the ground tearing apart its seams, ripping the threads that held me together. His stare directed straight into my bloodshot eyes his fingers uncurl leaving me in a heap on the ground. A kick to my side, and the monster had had his fill. With the closing of my door, I’m left to myself and my methods of escape, which were slowly beginning to wear off. I’m left once again alone to myself, but it’s too late to try to fly once again. I’m left chained to the ground within the four stone walls I’m supposed to know as home.
I once said the best way to truly speak, was to say nothing at all but instead make an impact, to take control of my own situation. This is me, making an impact, gaining my recognition in taking control of the one thing I truly could control.
Hands shaking fiercely I reach for my ultimate escape. Two deep slashes flowing deep crimson- flowing out the words I had left for so long, unspoken. Finally I would speak, scream the words that had been itching inside for so long, make my impact against all that had been done to be. Finally I would prove to him I had the courage to speak louder than his ears could handle. Finally, I would escape from the stone walls and the monster keeping me here. A few more drops of red, whispers in my words and I was gone.