I remember
I remember the first day I saw you. I remember the first time I walked through the dull, outside doors as the scents of Windex and pine sol seemed to erupt from the ground. I remember the cold tile underneath my feet. I remember watching you jump from each square, flying across the green blue green pattern. I remember laughing when you fell on your butt, so close to me. I remember you laughing when I tripped over your drawn out figure.
I remember the second year; I remember the first time you held my hand. It was cold waiting outside, watching the snowflakes fall on others faces. I was shivering. I had forgotten my gloves. You had forgotten yours too apparently because I could see you trying to act tough out of the corner of my eye. Only I read the look on your face to be true. You then reached up and wrapped your hands around my frostbitten fingers. I didn’t look back at you. I was scared. But slowly a smile spread across your face. And it made its way to mine too.
I remember the ohhs and ahhs as we would pass in the hallways. I remember when you asked me to the dance. I remember the quieted whispers about us. I remember the dress I had picked out, I had searched and searched and I was sure that you would love it. That you would’ve loved it.
I also remember sitting by your bedside. Willing you to get better. I remember the life-less room they stuck you in, the way you slowly changed. I watched as you became thinner, your skin as pale as the moon. You tried to hide the fact that you were losing your hair from all the treatments. But I saw. I got used to the tubes in your skin, told you that it was just more of you to love. You would give me a weak smile. Though your body was paling, your eyes were always bright.
No matter how much I wish that I could forget, I still remember. I was there the day the monitor went dead. I didn’t cry there, no I had to be strong for you and your family. But no one saw the still tear that ran down my cheek, before I whipped it away. I’m crying now, as I write this, I’m crying because I remember.
I fell into an empty void. I watched as others laughed and talked. They talked about college and the prom. Their voices would irritate me, they were so shrill. As much as it pained me to see so, life went on after you were gone. I remember the nights I would sit alone in my room and clutch your old sweatshirt to my face. It smelled sweet, like oranges. Like you.
I remember going to see you every Sunday. I hated the place you were in. the headstones were cracked and the weeds overgrown. I organized a clean-up for you, for your new home. The community was glad to help. I remember meeting him there too. You would’ve liked him; you two would’ve been friends. I remember how he held me when I cried. I had never let anyone see me cry but you. I’ve grown up now. We got married. We have a new baby. I have a better life now. But not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. That I don’t think of all the happy times when we were together. Not a day goes by that I don’t remember.