Thank god Janice brought gum. And thank god I remembered to take it out right before his name was called for the next dare. And most importantly, thank god I was sitting to his left! Because now we are standing here in this beautiful closet (actually it's a fairly cramped space, but with Josh in it, I really don't mind) and our lips will soon meet.
It's dark and hard to see his face, but with the dim light seeping through the closet doors, I could still see his gorgeous hazel eyes.
I think he caught me staring because he clears his throat.
" So..uh..are we…um.. " He's making gestures with his hand I think implies kissing.
" Um..yeah…sure…if you want I guess… " I resist the urge to bite my nails. There's new polish on them and it's a nasty habit I get into when I'm nervous.
" Yeah..I mean um…cool. "
" Cool. "
It's now or never. Our lips are becoming closer…closer…closer. Damn, I'm starting to smell the cheese pizza on his breath. Does my breath reek that bad? No, Janice gave me gum, I'm fine. I just need to focus. Foooocccuuuuusssss. Foooooooooocccccuuuusssssss. Hey is that Canadian monopoly? Who knew Josh played monopoly! Maybe I can ask him if he wants to play. Of course we are a little busy right now.
" Vicky is something wrong? "
" Huh? " I clear my throat and snap back into focus. " Wh-what no. Everything's fine. "
" You seem really distracted. If you don't want to…you know... "
" No Josh I'm fine, totally into this. I was just looking at umm…your umm…never mind. Let's just do this. "
Okay, NOW it's now or never. I think he understands the increasing intensity of waiting for his lips just drives my short attention wild because he now lays his lips on mine without any hesitation. I then realized I forgot a completely crucial element to a house party. Chap stick. With my dried up lips on the contrast of his soft but very…gross pizza flavoured lips…it is NOT a good combination.
Does he mind though? He's not letting go of the kiss yet, in fact…his kissing is now a little more int- woah okay now his tongue is definitely in my mouth. And it's definitely tasting like cheese pizza.
On the inside I'm hyperventilating as his big hands start to slide down to my butt. In the commercials they always talked about how these jeans make your butt look "boyfriend perfect" but I didn't think they'd be powerful enough to get me making out in a closet.
I'm having so many second thoughts right now. I don't know how far Josh wants to go with this, and I don't want to stick around to find out.
I pull my mouth away and he starts to slide his hands into my shirt and is now toying with my bra strap.
" Josh stop it. What are you doing? " it takes so much courage to say them and the words barely come out.
" Yeah I know I love you too. " Then he goes back in for more kissing (even though my chapped lips are totally gross and bleeding)
" No your not listening to me. Josh stop it! " I grab his hands out of my shirt and push him away. I'm not saying I didn't push him hard, but must have not had great balance because he fell back into the shelves of the closet and the monopoly game toppled all over him.
I walk out the closet where everyone stares at me. I probably look like a mess with my super chapped lips. But they're not staring high enough to be looking at my face…
Literally gasping out loud I frantically run to the bathroom to find my bra not only unhooked but dangling out of my shirt. I sit down on the floor and burst into tears. Not once in my life have I ever been so humiliated. I pull out my phone and look at the time. 1:30am. My mom thinks I'm sleeping over at Janice's as opposed to here at a 16 year old boy's house.
She always talks about how I need to learn to be responsible, not cave into peer pressure, and to always make the right decisions. But whenever she finishes talking about it, she always finishes with:
" But if you ever do screw up, you can call me and I'll help you out. "
I look at the phone and scroll through my contacts to find my mom. I breathe and force myself to stop sobbing before I press talk.
After about 5 rings she answers with a very groggy voice
" Hello? "
" Hi mom. "
" Hi dear, why are you calling at this hour? Is everything alright at Janice's? "
" I'm not at Janice's. "
As if just waking up, she snaps into parental mode.
" Are you okay? "
" I think so. "
" Do you need me to come get you? "
" Please. "
" Where are you? "
" I'm at Joshua Simpson's house. "
There was a long pause as my mom clued into the fact I disobeyed her wishes for me not to go to his party. The pause was only a minute but it felt like centuries.
" I'll be there in 5 minutes or less. "
" Thank you mom. "
She hung up the phone and I stayed there. Plopped down on the bathroom floor. Will she be mad? I hope she won't be mad, or even worse…I hope she doesn't use the "d" word…disappointed.
A knock on the bathroom door interrupts my thoughts.
" Vicky? It's me Janice, can you let me in? "
Still spaced out and frozen on the floor, I barely remember who Janice is.
" Vicky come on, we're best friends I know you're in there. Just let me in. "
Oh right, best friend who dragged me to this party. Knowing she won't walk away from the door, I stand up and let her in.
" Ha I knew you were in here! " She stumbles in and I close the door behind her. " Listen, I heard what went down in the closet. It's cool that you were shy about it bein' your first kiss and all, but, " she laughs, " Did ya really have to make a big scene about it? "
" Janice, he… " My voice quivers with each word and I pray she doesn't notice it. " He…wasn't just wanting to- "
" But ya made it even worse when you walked out with your bra dangling out of your shirt. Anyways, just apply some new mascara and eyeliner, wipe your cheeks, and put a cool smile on your face so we can go out and do some 'damage control'. "
" Janice I- "
" You are coming out again and that's that. I worked my social ass off to get us into this party. You are going to come out here, make up with Josh, and we're going to continue partying. "
Not wanting to face any further confrontation, I go with Janice out to the living room. Before I even scan the room to see where Josh is, I feel a tug on my arm. It's Josh and he pulls me aside.
" Hey, um…Vicky? I'm uh..sorry about… "
I want to yell a million things at him, but no words are coming out of my dry mouth. So I just stare at him. His cute comb over I used to love just looks like he hasn't washed it in centuries. His gorgeous hazel eyes are still there, but distant and unfocused to this conversation.
I turn my head down to my phone, " 1 MISSED ALERT ". I open it up and read the text. " I'm just outside the back door -Mom "
" Vicky? Are you even listening to me? " I look up and totally forgot that whole time Josh was talking.
" Yeah I just…need some air. "
And with that I sprint out the back door, even pushing Janice out of the way when she tries to stop me.
" Vicky where the hell are you going?! "
I don't even stop to answer, I just get in the passenger seat of my mom's car and she zips out of the driveway. We're silent until we stop at this red light. That's when my mom looks at me and sighs.
" Do you want to talk about what happened? "
I shrug and sink into my seat.
" That um…Josh guy…you really like him? "
" …I did…I don't think I do anymore. "
" What changed your mind? "
Before I could even answer, I just burst into tears. The light turns green but once we cross the intersection, Mom pulls the car over to the side of the road. Once we're parked she reaches over and hugs me. My answer comes out with gasps of breath.
" He wanted to do it in a closet. "
My mom backs off for just a second,
" Honey, you didn't do it did you? "
" No, he didn't listen to me say no so I shoved him into a shelf of board games. " By this point I'm completely bawling, my mom kisses my forehead.
" That's my girl. "