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At the Edge of the World
I never know what to do when someone I love starts to cry. My body seizes up at the realization
that they are suffering, my words become locked up somewhere deep in the shallows of my mind, and I
become paralysed; unable to do anything. I hate to put anyone else in that position, but I could already
feel my eyes welling up, my throat becoming tight, and sore, as I tried to hold back the eruption of sobs
that was about to break through. I held it together long enough to pass by my little sister, Jess, on my
way out the door without her noticing my dishevelled state. Before I reached even the end of my street,
I had tears streaming down my face, blurring my vision.
I made a beeline for the tracks two blocks away. They were still hot when I reached them,
indicating that the next train wouldn't be along for another while. I followed the rusted rails far past the
outer skirts of town, past the highway and to the only place I can truly be happy.
The first time my dad brought me here, he wouldn't tell me where we were going. My mom was
pregnant with Jess and she needed some rest, so my dad took me out for the afternoon. I sat on his
shoulders and listened to him whistle as he made his way along the tracks. He let me down after what
felt like an eternity of walking, and he took my hand to lead me away from the tracks we had been
following. He still hadn't told me where we were going, and I was gradually becoming more and more
confused. There was nothing in sight other than the sky and the ground beneath us which stopped
abruptly a few hundred feet away. From far away it appeared as though the earth truly was flat, and that
we had reached the edge of the world. I gripped my dad's hand tighter, but I knew he would never lead
me to danger. He had, in fact, brought me to the most beautiful place I've ever seen.
We stood at the edge of the cliff and watched the still, dark water below. It stretched out across
the horizon where the sun dipped low in the sky. Ribbons of orange and pink, purple and yellow fused
the water with the sky, and in that moment, it was like we were suspended in time. It was as if the sun
ceased to fall below the water- that it would never let the dark of night come over me. It was as if the
strong hand that encompassed mine would be there forever. But the sun passed under the horizon and
with that I felt a pang of worry. Everything, I realized, is temporary.
Now as I sat along that same cliff with my feet draped over the edge and tears dripping onto my
lap, the feeling came back to me. The feeling that nothing lasts, no matter how tightly you try to hold
onto it. Even that feeling didn't last, as it was overtaken by fear when the ground began to shake
violently beneath my feet. Stones began to drop over the edge of the cliff and the sharp sound of metal
on metal shook me to my bones as the evening train appeared around the corner. I stood up to watch the
commuters pass by, and imagined seeing his face in the window, looking out at the horizon as he made
his usual way home from the city. I imagined him smiling at me when he saw me there, standing in the
same place he had brought me to years ago. My hand raised tentatively to say hello to him, as if
making any sudden movements would cause him to disappear. But it was no use. The last cart came
and went so quickly, as if it had never even been there at all, just like he hadn't really been there. Not
this time.
This time was so different than all the other times I'd come here. Being here alone, without him,
felt so strange. It felt wrong, like I was betraying him somehow, by coming here without him. But when
the sun began to drop, my worries eased. The most beautiful show in the world had started, and for the
first time, I was okay that it would only be moments until it was over. I was more than okay; I was
happy. Happy to be watching the show at all, because even though it wouldn't go on forever, I felt
connected to him for that brief moment when the sun laced ribbons through the sky and the sea,
holding them together. Then, almost as fast as a passing train, the ribbons loosened their hold on the
horizon, releasing the sun, and it fell below the water.
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Favorite Quote:
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.<br /> -Buddha.