Why Mommy? | Teen Ink

Why Mommy?

February 1, 2011
By AmandaPanda123 SILVER, Brookville, Pennsylvania
AmandaPanda123 SILVER, Brookville, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
Memories are forever.

A young girl the age of six gazes at her mother's pale, sickly face. She leans against her mother, and watches her as a painter would watch his muse. Her mother is silently reading a wrinkled newspaper. They are both in danger of falling asleep; the couch upon which they sit is soothing to both of them. A long, hard day at work for the mother and a seemingly short, fun day full of learning for the young girl is enough to make them both easily inclined to sleep. However, the young girl is full of questions and she is determined to ask them. The problem is that she doesn't know where to start. Not many of us do when we don't know where our questions will take us.

Finally, she finds the courage to begin.

“Mommy, why are you so sick?”

There is a short, uneasy silence in which the mother pauses in turning a page of her newspaper.

“Because I have cancer, sweetie," the mother tiredly responds.

“But Mommy,” the girl persists, “why are you the one sick?”

“Because I am one of the unlucky ones, I guess.”

“So Daddy and I are lucky?” the girl wonders.

The mother looks down at her innocent, young daughter and hesitates. “Well, as far as I know, yes.”

“Well why can’t we give some of our luck to you?”

“It’s your luck, honey. You can’t just give it away," the mother sighs.

“Oh.” The girl has a distant look in her hazel eyes. “I see.”

“Do you?” the mother asks softly.

The girl doesn’t seem to hear her. “But Mommy, what’s going to happen to you?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“What do you think will happen?”

The mother breathes in slowly. “Well, there’s a chance that I may die."

“You might die?!” the girl asks shocked.

“Yes, but don’t worry. I will be with God.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” the girl asks concerned. Her eyes are swimming with sympathy.

The mother smiles. “Yes. God keeps me safe.”

“That’s good.”

“Yes, and you can talk to him anytime you want, sweet pea. He keeps all of His children safe.”

The girl smiles and then hugs her mother. “No matter what, I will always love you, and you will always be my Mommy.”

A tear is brought to the mother’s eye. “I love you too.”

The author's comments:
I imagined this conversation and made a story out of it. I hope to make people realize how wise children are, and how somehow they always know just what to say.

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This article has 6 comments.

on Feb. 4 2011 at 5:12 am
AmandaPanda123 SILVER, Brookville, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
Memories are forever.

Thank you :) That means a lot to me!

SandyC SILVER said...
on Feb. 3 2011 at 9:21 pm
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

this was adorable, yet depressing at the same time! you did a great job of accurately protraying a conversation between a 6 yr old and her mother, and you successfully made me cry

Amazing work, keep it up!! :D

on Feb. 3 2011 at 4:45 pm
AmandaPanda123 SILVER, Brookville, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
Memories are forever.

I couldn't think of a way to describe the characters at the time so it would still flow well. But I guess that was just writer's block flowing into my head :). I love to write! Hahaha...Thank you for commenting on this :)

on Feb. 3 2011 at 4:43 pm
AmandaPanda123 SILVER, Brookville, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
Memories are forever.

I appreciate you reading it :). My English teacher always says, "No piece of writing is perfect."

I, too, felt like something was missing, but I couldn't quite figure it out. I have this weird thing where I write and then I can't wait to show other people my work. :P The main thing I have my mind on right now is the book I'm writing. I recently showed it to a local author, and she said she was very impressed. :D Anyways, I have gotten off track. But thanks again for commenting.

on Feb. 3 2011 at 3:12 pm
lilmartz PLATINUM, Perrysburg, Ohio
40 articles 5 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live Life Like A Party That Never Ends

This is really cute, and very accurate. This is exactly how I would picture a conversation like this to go down. Although I think this is very good, some description on the characters would have been nice to have worked in there such as the two character's appearance, maybe the couch, ect. Other than that, nicely done. You captured the perspective of the little girl and mother perfectly. Nice work :)

Annerdy BRONZE said...
on Feb. 3 2011 at 2:55 pm
Annerdy BRONZE, San Francisco, California
3 articles 0 photos 52 comments

This was bittersweet- happy and sad at the same time. The dialogue was pretty accurate for a young daughter of 6 and her mother. I wish maybe you brought a little more emotion to it but it is written in third person, so I don't mind as much. The third person is always the observer and can only report what he/she sees, such as tears but cannot look deep into someone's soul. It was short, but you definitely got the message across. I liked the way you brought hope into a difficult situation. Rather than having the girl cry out of despair and scream from denial, I liked how she was sympathetic but accepted the truth like a very mature adult. Maybe add more detailed descriptions so readers can visualize the story playing in their head a bit better. Yes, your characters were likable, but there was something very distant about them like the readers would have trouble personally connecting to them. I don't know; just my opinion. No one's perfect, ya know? (: I think you do have talent and I hope you keep writing! Good luck. :] 


If you have time, could you check out any of my work? Thanks so much. (: