Let Go | Teen Ink

Let Go

October 8, 2010
By CanNeverHoldMeBack GOLD, Manhattan, Kansas
CanNeverHoldMeBack GOLD, Manhattan, Kansas
10 articles 0 photos 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
friendships are like glass. sometimes it's better to leave them broken then hurt yourself trying to put them back together again.

The crisp autumn breeze blew dead leaves across our dead grass lawn. Seasons always came and went quickly in our little town. School was just around the corner and I wasn’t excited, another year at my sucky preppy school. I don’t need the attention like I got last year. I thought as I stood on our porch. I quickly pulled off my shoes and darted down the porch stairs into the middle of our lawn. The dead grass tickled my bare feet and the wind blew my dirty blonde hair about in a chilly dance. I looked about; the old tree in our front law had lost all of its leaves and revealed its true size. It towered over our two-story house. My house screamed Victorian, like the houses that were painted pink and little old ladies had beautiful gardens in the back. But, we kept it simple, like mom would have wanted it to be.
There was a strong branch near my window, like the ones people always used in movies or books to sneak out of the house. The old tire swing swung lazily in the vigorous winds that blew from the ocean. I walked slowly toward the ocean; my gut twisting and pulling, like it was twisting itself in two and my breath came out in raged gasps. This is where my mother fell. My photographic memory had burned a picture in my brain of her body splayed out on the rocky and sandy beach. I remember asking dad what had happened.

“Daddy, what happen to Mommy?”I had asked as he held me in his arms. I looked up to see Dad’s face in his hands and soft sobs were escaping his lips. A single drop escaped from his clasped hands and hit my face. At that moment I truly understood what GONE meant. My Dad and my brother were the ones I had relied on for everything. Even to be tenacious and strong when I wasn’t. But, then I was lost. After that, my father became quite somber and never really talked. Sure, he did his best, he’d laugh at our little jokes that we brought home for school, and play when we asked, and even got a second job to help support his eleven and twelve year old daughter and son. When the funeral came around all of our extended family came. It had been a year before we could finally burry her, because if we buried her, we’d truly be saying good-bye. On the day of her funeral we all had filled into the church, people wept and even my Grandfather cried. At one point, everyone thinks of what part they had played in a family member’s death, even I. After the service, I had heard my aunt talking to my uncle about me, and It wasn’t about birthday presents or visits to see us…

“Did you hear about Armony?”My aunt questioned looking at her husband.
“Yes,” He replied looking at me as I meandered about. I could feel his piercing glare. “I’m not sure, but there seems to be a lot of talk going around saying that she pushed her mother off the cliff… but it’s all very vague…” I stopped. My gaze turned toward my uncle and aunt. Tears burned at the edges of my eyes as I glared at my uncle. His expression was normal, like he hadn’t even said what he had said. Anger boiled inside of me, my fists balled. Hot tears pooled at my eyes and spilled down my cheeks as memories of my mother’s death flashed through my eyes. I cried out in hot hatred at my uncle

“I didn’t kill my mother… she fell, and I didn’t push her.”
“Are you sure?” My uncle asked. His head turned in a puzzled fashion as if he was egging me on. He was a detective and he would do anything to have someone to blame for my mother’s death. He wasn’t the kind of person to let things be an ‘accident’.
“I didn’t do anything wrong… We we’re just playing and she stepped out to far…” I replied tears running hot down my cheeks as my uncle mocked me.
“That’s the precise reason,” he said. I looked up at him; a broad smile came across his face. “You were playing and it went too far. You got too competitive and decided that it was your time. So in your anger, you pushed her off the cliff.” The memories flashed through my mind: Her head disappearing under the side of the cliff, her screams as she fell and the sudden silence. Then her body splayed out on the beach, blood pooling from the back of her head. The tears blurred my vision and I screamed as I lunged toward my uncle. I knocked him to the ground and beat upon his upturned face. I screamed and cried at him in words not understandable. The people around starred in horror. My father heard my screams first; he rushed toward me, followed by my brother, Edward.
“I DIDN’T KILL MY MOTHER!!! SHE FELL!!! IT WASN’T MY FAULT!!!” I cried as my brother pulled me off of him.
“Calm down Armony!!” My brother yelled, I struggled under his crushing arms. I couldn’t lose this fight; if I did then I would be blamed for my mother’s death. My brother’s soft sobs ended my tantrum. “Armony, please, don’t be like this, don’t cause more pain than is already here, its mom’s funeral for goodness sake…” He trailed off. I turned toward him, tears trailed down his cheeks from his crystal blue eyes. He pulled me toward him in a strong embrace. Tears fell down my back and darkened my shirt.
“I’m sorry Ed…!” Was all I could choke out before sobs racked my body. We cried. Cried for our lost mother and all that had happened. Even now, standing beside the sea cliffs I cried. Cried for everything. Even now that it had been three years since the funeral I still cried. We still cried. My brother, my father, even me. I had come to terms with everything. And even though it took three years to let go, to even let go of my anger that I felt toward my uncle. I let it go my fears and last emotions fell into the sea from my tears and the fast changing seasons in our little town.
“Good-bye mom…,” I whispered as my last tears fell. I turned away with a smile on my face, knowing that a good-bye can take longer than expected, everyone can get over their grief and forgiving and forgetting is the best way to go. I dusted of my coat, and removed my shoes. I walked into our living room and smiled at my brother and I yelled
“Hey dad!! What’s for supper!!!

The author's comments:
i thought of this not only as a school project but as a way to show the pain of a family members death and how long it can take to recuperate. Loss and greieving isn't something that you can get over quickly, it's a pain that lasts, even after you've accepted. and being understood is hard. Pain lies just beanthe the surface and a false rumor or a mean word that is said can send someone over the edge and they might become depressed or even kill themselves. You'll never know how deep the pain goes in someone, but you need to tread lightly because you'll never know when you step the hardest, that it could be on there heart.

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This article has 2 comments.

asofnow GOLD said...
on Dec. 26 2010 at 6:14 pm
asofnow GOLD, Troy, Michigan
18 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing gold can stay ~ Robert Frost

this is good

on Oct. 13 2010 at 5:39 am
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

Very touching story, very entertaining, too. Good job!