Just Breathe (Prologue) | Teen Ink

Just Breathe (Prologue)

September 24, 2010
By katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
katie-cat GOLD, McClellandtown, Pennsylvania
13 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Look after my heart, I've left it with you."- Edward Cullen
"To love another person is to see the face of God . . ."- Les Miserables
"Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her out and let her scream." - Mark Twain

They wheeled me down the hall, past the nurse’s station and into an elevator. The escort pressed the button that indicated level number 2.

It felt strange riding an elevator lying down. I didn’t feel the usual swoop in my stomach. I guess it didn’t matter though; the swoop was replaced with a rampage of butterflies.

Once the doors slid open the escort led my father and me through two sets of double doors.

We were brought into a bright room. Curtains divided the room into sections. The escort wheeled me off to an unoccupied space on the far right.

“Here we are, Pre-op.” He announced. He smiled down at me and said, “Good luck,” then disappeared back through the doors.

My dad kept hold of my hand, averting his gaze.

Doctor Daniels came in and smiled reassuringly. “Okay, Fran. Are you ready?”

Even though I wasn’t I said yes.

“Okay, we’ll just get you situated here and then head off to the operating room.”

“All right.”

“Mr. Barnes you can get settled in the waiting room.” She said.

He nodded, with tight lips. Then he finally locked eyes with me and tried a smile. It looked like he’d just swallowed sour milk.

“I’ll be okay, Dad.”

“I know.” He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “You’re a brave girl.”


“I’ll be here when you wake up.”


“I love you, Kid.”

I fought against the lump in my throat. “I love you, too, Daddy.”

Then he left through the same doors that the escort had gone through.

Doctor Daniels sat next to my bed on a stool. “Before we head in, an anesthesiologist is going to come in and give you a shot to relax you. His name is Dave; he’s very good, very nice.” She reassured me. “Then when we’re in the operating room Dave will give you the anesthetic, and we’ll go from there.”


“Don’t be nervous, it will go by fast.”

I nodded.

I looked up and saw a man coming toward the bed. He had short, dark curly hair. He was easily over six foot.


I tried not to cringe at me real name. “Yes.”

“Hi, my name’s Dave. How are you doing?”

How do you think? “Fine.”

“That’s good.” He reached over the top of my bed to a glove dispenser. He snapped them in place and said, “I’ll be right back.”

He returned with a syringe. “This will relax your muscles.”

He fed the shot through my IV. I felt the effect instantly. The muscles in my back unknotted and I even felt my butterflies ease up. I can’t say if I was fully alert any more or not.

“We’re going to take you to the operating room now, Fran.”


I seemed to float through the halls as they wheeled me into a white, sterile room.

Dave leaned over me, now wearing a surgical mask and cap.

“I’m going to give you the anesthetic now.” He held up a rubber mask that seemed to be emanating and odorless steam. “Once I put this over your mouth and nose, I want you to count backwards from one hundred.”

He placed it over my face. I breathed it in. I suddenly felt so tired and heavy.

“Francesca? One hundred…” Dave reminded me.

“One hundred –” My voice sounded slow and thick. My eyelids were closing. “Ninety-nine, ninety….”

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This article has 4 comments.

on Oct. 22 2010 at 8:38 pm
TheScene SILVER, Brackenridge, Pennsylvania
9 articles 7 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"... And once you lose yourself, You have two choices: Find the person you used to be... or lose that person completly."~ Brooke Davis

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it eludes you, but if you turn your attention to others things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." ~ Thoreau

..."Just when the catipillar thought the world was over; it became a butterfly" ~ Anonymous

"Imperfection is beauty. Madness is genius. & it's better to be absolutly ridiculous than absolutly stupid." ~ Marilyn Moroe

this is really good... it is different from most of the things I would normally read, but it was good.... actually it was great!

on Oct. 4 2010 at 3:07 pm
ForeverFelix PLATINUM, Catasauqua, Pennsylvania
30 articles 2 photos 207 comments

Favorite Quote:
Daydreams can be worse than nightmares, but that never stops me.

I'm with apocalyptigirl...this isn't really a prologue =)

on Oct. 3 2010 at 10:15 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

Interesting, albeit a little incomplete.  Ill have full commentary on the next part


on Oct. 3 2010 at 1:38 pm
apocalyptigirl BRONZE, Staunton, Virginia
4 articles 2 photos 285 comments

Favorite Quote:
"DON'T PANIC." ~from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

I wouldn't classify this as a prologue. It does make me want to read more, but it seems like more of a first chapter. Anyway---I liked the realistic description of her feelings, the way she said yes even though she wasn't ready, and how she wanted to answer Dave when he asked how she was feeling. Now for some grammar: "my father and me" should be "my father and I." You also need commas in a few places to separate dependent clauses ("Mr. Barnes (comma) you can get settled in the waiting room" for example, and "Even though I wasn't (comma) I said yes"). Also: punctuating dialogue and dialogue tags. Right now you have "...in the waiting room.' She said." This should be punctuated as "...in the waiting room," she said. Think of it this way: the sentence doesn't end until the end of the dialogue tag (the "she said"). So the comma sort of continues the sentence through the quotation marks...if that makes any sense. :P Good job overall! *reads next part*