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Is She Out There?
"Sammi! Breakfast is ready! Sammi... You up? Sammi? WAKE UP! Honey...?" The mother of Sammi Willson, Grace Willson, She was said to have turned over her daughter realizing she was shot in the heart twice, and once in the heart. No traces were left behind of anything. Shooting was approximately at 12 a.m. last night. If any information please contact local police. That was my morning news. My sister was shot. This was my family morning. We all sat in silence: me(Taylor Willson), my brothers(Jeremy Wilsson and Tucker Willson), my father(Jerry Willson) and of coarse my mother. It was Saturday June 10th, 2009. The day i wished my life ended. Altough this wasn't my first loss. Last month my Cousin died of breast cancer, a year ago my grandmother died of murder. They still havent found out who killed her. I have. Every clue is written in my book. My book is everything. i never leave the house without it. I wouldn't, I couldn't. Not to worry about me, death is something i get over easily. Every ending is a new beginning, at least thats what mother says. Soon before i knew it I was the last one at the kitchen table. I wasn't hungry, but i told my mother i was getting some ice cream and I'd be back in a little. She nodded her head as if she just couldn't talk without crying.
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This article has 8 comments.
Okay, couple things here. :)
1: You should learn to use a semi-colon... It would be a lot better in certain spots than a period.
2: Seperate paragraphs will make the story LOOK more appealing, too. A story isn't only about it's words. A lot of people aren't going to go grab a 300-page book that has tiny print, it's all one paragraph, and in a completely boring font.
3: I think this story line is absolutely mind-blowingly beautiful. It's awesome, or epic, or freaking fantastic. I never would have came up with it. All the loss Taylor has gone through in ONE year, is outstanding; yet still completely believable.
Overall, I love this! :)
I'd really appreciate it if you took a look/rated/posted a comment on a piece of my work. :) Preferably Don't Worry, Be Happy or Hidden Lives. :) I'm also working on a mini-series called Don't Kill Me Now, if you'd like to take a look at that. Even if you don't read anything, I appreciate you reading this comment and I hope it helps! :)
This was totally cool- it could be a great start to an awesome story. I love how you didn't focus on the sister's death as much as many stories do, you went right to the amin character and her ever-improtant journal. I liked this story, but there was one grammar mistake I found and one question I had:
"Cousin" shouldn't be capitalized
"She was said to have turned over her daughter realizing she was shot in the heart twice, and one in the heart" Did you mean to have said shot in the head twice, and once in the heart?
Anyway, I liked this story very much, you are a good writer :)
Can you comment and rate my story, "Encounter"?
12 articles 4 photos 33 comments
Favorite Quote:
"even after all this time the sun never says to the earth 'you owe me.' see what happens with a love like that? it lights up the sky." -hafiz