I open my eyes. Still no peace. Still no sleep.

I sit straight up. I rub my eyes. I’m going insane. I get out of bed. I can’t just sit around and hope to fall asleep. I need to take a walk.

I put my robe on and I go out to my back yard. I sit on the back porch. I think. I truly and deeply think.

Why did Troy do that to me? He’s the one that wanted me to give him a chance. He assured me that we’d take it slow and that everything would be fine. He jumped the gun and things moved way too fast. Then he lied to me and went to a party, got trashed, and cheated on me. I don’t know how far he went; I didn’t care to know. He was caught by a photo that was uploaded on facebook of them making out. How could I be so foolish to think that he was actually interested in me? He’s part of the Jock and Athletic crowd. Why would I think that he liked me as more than just an easy “A” or cheat sheet?

I walk out on to the grass and lay down. I put my hands behind my head and I look up at the stars. I can feel the wetness of the grass, but I don’t care. It’s actually kind of calming.

Because I was foolish and juvenile. I thought there was more to guys than just sex, but I guess I was wrong.

As I look into the sky a thought crosses my mind. It’s a funny that looking at stars is supposed to be romantic, but essentially they’re just old light. By the time it reaches earth it’s years and years old.

I wonder what he is doing right now… Never mind, I don’t want to know.

I close my eyes. This time it isn’t a fantasy that I’ve created, but a memory. It was a few days after graduation. It was late one night, and we were at a party, both a little tipsy. We snuck off from the crowd that was dwindling with time. He took two beers and went to the pool. We clinked the bottles together and took a swig. He asked me if I wanted to go for a swim. By this point I knew he had a crush on me, and was trying hard to get my attention. In my head I didn’t want to screw this up. If I acted too weird, he could easily move on and have any girl he so wished. I said maybe. He put down the beer, took his shirt and shorts off and jumped in. I on the other hand took my sandals off and dipped my feet in the water.

Troy: “Aww, you’re not going to join me?”

Me: “Aww, sorry I don’t strip for boys I barely know. I’m a classy girl.” I smile and splash him.

Troy: “If that’s how you want to play, then I guess I’ll just have to pull you in.”

Me: “Don’t you dare!” I laugh.

Troy: He puts his hands on my legs and stands in front of me. “You can either jump in, or I can pull you in. It’s your choice.” He smiles.

Me: “Fine, I’ll play it your way.” I stand up and motion for him to turn around. Troy being confused turns around and I take my dress off. He tries to sneak a peak but I tell him to look away. I jump in.

Troy: “Nice panties.” He smiles.
Me: “Nice boxers.” I splash.

Troy: Instead of splashing back, he comes closer. “If this is what you look like in underwear, bathing suits won’t do you justice.”

Me: I blush. “Thanks?”

Troy: “It was an attempt at a compliment, but sounded pretty creepy.” He chuckles.

Me: I smiled.

Troy: “When I invited you to this party, I didn’t think you were actually going to show up.”

Me: “Why’s that?”

Troy: “You don’t seem like much of a party-er.”

Me: “I’m not, but I know how to have fun and unwind. You know, I’m not a complete nerd all the time.”
Troy: He smiles. “I’m glad you came.”

Me: “Me too.” I pause. “Can I ask you something?”

Troy: “Sure.”

Me: “We can cut the bull, right? I mean right now we are swimming together in our underwear and the proximity of our bodies is still extremely close… How long have you had a crush on me?”

Troy: “I guess I am that easy to read.”

Me: “Please! Don’t act like you didn’t want me to find out. And you haven’t answered yet.”

Troy: “Since the day you acted like I was an unimportant speck in your life. Well, nobody ever treats me like that, and it made me interested to figure you out. And hey, maybe I did want you to know, ‘cause I was hoping that this flirtation might turn into something.”

Me: “So that’s how you’re going to ask me out?” I smirk.

Troy: “The way I see it, we’re already on our first date!”

Me: “Oh really?”

Troy: “Really.” He moves closer.
Me: “Are you expecting a kiss on the first date?”

Troy: “Maybe.” He puts his hands around my waist.

Me: “Look at that! First date and you already have me half-naked and in my underwear!” I chuckle

Troy: He kisses me.

Me: I kiss him back.

I open my eyes. My heart is pounding so hard and my face is all wet. I sit up, wipe my cheeks, and breathe slowly. This isn’t going to be easy, is it?