Firefly

Dreams.. Are they truly as ambiguous as people usually believe? Usually when a person wakes up he, or she, does not remember what the dream was about. This male, how ever, knew exactly what the dream had been. It was horrifying and undeniably irresistable to think about.

I was tired. It was another sleepless night. I could remember the dream, no--the nightmare, exactly as if it were real. Dark bags weighed heavily under my eyes. I stood up to my feet.. I walked over to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I placed a hand over my face and rubbed it with an alien sense of touch.

"It's all your fault.. You let me die.."

I shook his head. I started mumbling random slurs. Was I losing my mentality? It had been seven days, a week, since I had visited that hospital. Should I go back? It was all so confusing. Why couldn't everything just be simple rather than the complexity of things. It'd be a perfect solution for everything. Simplicity.

After I cleaned myself up I packed my bag and headed to school. The bus ride was loud, but I remained silent. I had no reason to talk. People began to think I was turning into an emotional kid who cuts himself. That was far from the truth. It was true that I had become increasingly emotional ever since my best friend had died, but I wouldn't bother inflicting harm on myself. It was stupid. Who ever went that far were people who thought their life was complete, and utter, trash when they have it easy. I despised those types of people. Selfish people.

My thoughts were disrupted my the time I arrived at the school. I exited the bus with a long and deep sigh. It was going to be another normal day.. Well, as normal as I could make it. I felt so indifferent since this past week. I was breezing through classes, not bothering to finish my work since I was obviously too entertained by my thoughts. Besides, I already knew the answers to the sheets the teachers gave us, the class, anyway.. But, things started going down the drain during lunch.

"Hey." I looked behind me. It was a friend of mine. He took a seat beside me and let silence overcome us. I felt awkward. This guy was never quiet. He never showed any sign of respect, either. Either I was taking that as respect, or he was just dumbfounded by what happened last week. "I saw you at the hospital last week." So he did. I was indifferent on that. I remained quiet, though. "So you're going to get over our best friend by finding some pity sex?" Okay, I was wrong. He wasn't being respectful. He was just here to insult and berate me. I took my chance to respond.

"It's not like that. I went there for memories, but she had taken the room and pretty much ordered me to sit." It was funny how I could remember the instance perfectly, huh? What he said next wiped the neutral look off my face and into a frown.

"Memories? That's bull!" I shuttered. Usually he'd curse and rave over the things he was mad at. When he didn't use curse words that'd mean he was truly ticked off. He'd actually use his brain if he were this mad. To be honest, I kind of feared that. I knew he was smart, he just never showed it. Those that don't show what they're capable of are what one should be afraid of.

I gave him a stupid look before picking up my tray that held nothing and walking off. I couldn't even dare speak to him when he's that mad. It's suicide. I could remember my friend's whisper as I walked away. "So you're abandoning me now, huh...? I thought we were friends." Those words were sharper than any knife would be. It caused my feet to come to a stop and stand there for a few minutes that seemed like hours. He noticed that, but he said nothing. He knew what he had done. He was depressed also. I came to my normal pace and walked off as if nothing had happened.
----
The rest of the day was quiet. I could only think about the previous encounter. It was after school and I was lying on my bed. I rolled over to my side. I kept wondering about that girl. It was starting to irritate me. I stood up and walked out of my room. I thought for a moment before getting my mother to take me to the hospital. It took her a while to agree, but I eventually got her to.. It was tedious.

It took me a few moments to get there, but I found her room within minutes once I had gotten there. I peaked through her door. She was watching TV as usual. This time she had tubes hooked up to her arms. By the looks of it she was getting her blood drawn from a nurse. Barely any blood was coming from her veins. I walked in, making my appearance. She didn't seem to take notice until after a minute. She said nothing, but she smiled. I guess that was a plus. "Hey~!" Her voice was loud. I'm surprised her voice was in control with a needle in her arm.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Yo. It seems that you aren't getting blood.. and... doesn't that hurt?" The needle left her arm. Her smile widened. "No! I'm strong!" She flexed her arms. They barely had any muscle. I needed to cheer myself up so I continued the conversation. "Right... You can destroy this entire hospital if you wanted." She nodded. She was so sure of herself. It was comical and it did make me feel better. I was only doing this for myself.. How selfish.

She let the smile erase from her lips. A curious expression formed. "Why're you here?" It felt as if she did not want me here. A lie would settle things down. "I was concerned. I've been busy with school work and such." She seemed to buy it from the sparkle in her eyes. It made me feel like hell.

I took a seat. It was quiet again. I knew fully well what she was doing. She was shielding herself from her emotions. It took me this long to figure it out. I had only realized it this time in the silence. "Why?" She looked at me funny, but she didn't speak. I restated the question in detail. "Why do you shield yourself from your heart?" I did not like the word heart. After all, I am heartless. I am a hypocrite. It took her a while to speak.

"I'm afraid if I were to die people would be heartbroken. I want people to hate me by being annoying. If I'm annoying they'll hate me. That way, when I die, nobody would care." It was my turn to speak.

"I'd come.. I care.." It was a whisper. Maybe she didn't hear. I think she did from the painful expression in her eyes brilliant colored eyes. She didn't want me to care. That was fairly obvious. She looked at me. It was her turn to question me. "Why do you care?" I don't know why I was opening up to this one person. Maybe I just needed somebody to talk to. "Because you're you." She seemed to look down. A depressed expression overwhelmed her features. A smile then overcame her face. "Thank you." The words were sincere. I replied. "No problem."

I stayed there for what would seem to be an eternity. We traded sarcastic comments to each other. We teased each other.

I looked at her after an hour. "I've got to go. It's becoming night." She looked at me and shrugged. I could tell she disliked that. I had to go, though. I stood up and grabbed a few things of mine and walked out.

Just as I closed the door I was face-to-face with my 'friend'. I was the first to speak. "So you're stalking me now, are you?" He gave me a malicious look. He didn't like being called a stalker. I hit a nerve. He didn't speak as I walked off. He merely followed. I figured he was waiting to say what he had to say when we got outside. That only took about ten minutes.

We walked out. I was instantly grabbed by the collar of my shirt. I was jerked to his face. I could feel his breath connecting with my face. He was breathing in a harsh rhythm. My heart was beating fast. I was scared. My palms were sweaty. I didn't even noticed my fists were clenched. I didn't speak. He released me and pushed me as he did so. "You aren't even worth anybody's time.. You abandon others for your own selfish needs.. You leech off of people to make yourself feel better. I'm done with you.." He turned away. From that point on, I knew I was on my own. I no longer held any connection with him. He was my only friend. Now he was gone.

I looked the other direction. Several insects were flying around, a light pulsating from their tiny bodies. The fireflies never looked so beautiful in the night.