My breath had stopped. I could hear my heart beat slow down until it reached an abrupt halt. My skin went cold. Everything seemed peaceful at that moment. It was like a sweet dream. No pain. No worry. It was like the escape I had longed for.

But, I opened my eyes. Every little bit of the happiness I had gained went quickly away. I watched my memories as if I was in the room.

I was taken back to just three days earlier. Tori and I were in my room trying to finish homework but we were too busy watching television. Downstairs was a fight with my brother and my mother and father. I could barely understand the conversation going on because of the blasting TV.

I knew what would happen next though.

The fighting had stopped and all was peaceful in the house. Tori slept on the floor while I sat up against the base of the bed. Tori snores loudly. I could use that as an excuse for being awake. My mind was too busy racing.

I knew why my brother and parents where fighting. It was my fault, I know. Tori and I had my poor little brother, Ty, take the fall for us.

Tori and I smoked a lot. We would say it took the edge off of our daily problems. We each had a pack of cigarettes that we hid from our parents. She had a part of her bed cut out to hide them in while I used Ty’s bedroom. I told him if our mom ever found them to tell her they were his. I threatened to kill him if he didn’t.

We also hid alcohol in his closet but my parents never found it.

I stood up and walked to the window. The cool June air rushed in as the window opened. Tori rustled a bit in her sleep. I took a cigarette out of my pants’ pocket and lit it.

I watched myself as everything went on. I knew what would happen and I couldn’t stop it. I wanted to grab the cigarette and throw it in water. This would have stopped everything from going wrong.

As I smoked the cigarette I watched twinkling fireflies light up the dark. I remembered being a child dancing with the fireflies and pretending they were Tinker Bell, my brother was Peter Pan, and Tori and I were the Lost Boys.

The cigarette was down to the end and I threw it out. It went out the window and I walked back to the bed without a second thought.

I wished to have this vision end. I wished to get out of this purgatory I was sent to. Is this what happens when you die? Is this heaven or hell? With every wrong and fail I have done I was sure this was hell.

Smoke came from the bush that was outside my window. The still lit cigarette must have landed there. I was on the second floor and the bush was in front of the dining room. My mom must have left the window open because the drapes caught on fire. This is where the ripple effect began.

In the vision I fell asleep. I just laid there unknowing of the trouble I had caused. Tori lay a few feet from me also unaware of everything.

I didn’t know how fast the fire spread. As everyone slept soundly smoke crept from the dining room through the house. Fire moved into the kitchen where it was fueled by the lit candles.
I was back on the city street. I could hear my family’s screams coming from nowhere. I was shaking on the street as I remembered Tori and I escaping without a scratch. We stood out in the road behind the police tape. We watched the house burn down and black smoke float to the rising sun.

I caused my family to die painfully. I couldn’t wrap my brain around how I could do something like that, but I did.

I ran, too. Tori and I knew they would find out how the fire started and I would be forever incriminated and bound with guilt in a prison cell. So, I took my car that I later died in and Tori and I ran away. We had no destination in mind. We just wanted to get out of there.

So, I end up here, in purgatory or hell.