Marius Gray, valedictorian of Benedictine College.

He sat down stage left, far enough back so that the audience could not see him dressed in all his glory: flowing red robes that ran down to his ankles and a black graduation cap with a yellow braid that tickled the back of his neck whenever he turned his head. He couldn’t see the people gathering in the assembly hall, but he heard them quite well as they shuffled and shifted into their seats, their dull chatter muffled by the curtain. The dean of students rose out of her seat from stage right, dressed in the same robes as Marius, but black, the mark of the administration. She tucked her gray hairs under her cap and stepped onto the stool behind the podium. Marius couldn’t help but smile as she reached up with one hand and brought the microphone down to her mouth, its cord bent at an awkward angle. Ms. Madison was notoriously short in height and temper, which earned her the title of the “bite-sized bear,” a name she preferred not to be said to her face. Through his time at Benedictine, Marius had grown fond of her. She would be one of the people he missed when the graduation ceremony ended and Marius went on to find greater things. Ms. Madison tapped on the mic three times, allowed herself a slight smile, and leaned in to speak. 

“Good morning class of 2022. It is my honor to welcome you all to this year’s graduation ceremony here at Benedictine College. It has been a privilege to get to know all of you and witness the hard work, determination, and ingenuity you demonstrated through these 4 years. Some of you may go on to pursue your respective degrees, while others will try their hand in different areas. No matter where life takes you, please know I am continually inspired by your desire to learn and hunger for success, and I see a particularly bright future for this graduating class.”

Marius watched Ms. Madison deliver her opening address from the picturesque angle of stage left, the type of shot seen in movies for dramatic effect. He remembered when she approached him two weeks ago on the way back to his dorm to let him know that he would be proclaimed valedictorian. Marius didn’t know how to react at first. It was great news, shocking news, news that made his stomach rise up his throat and sink into his feet. He spent so much time trying to separate himself from his peers as the quintessential student, the crown jewel of his class. The title of valedictorian was very vindicating for Marius. In his eyes, it served as proof of his dedication, a symbol of his success. Marius had finally done it– he was the best.

Ms. Madison continued on, giving thanks and gratitude and telling stories about her time with the class of 2022, but Marius’ attention had shifted from the stocky woman on the podium to his shoes, black dress shoes that crushed his toes. He feverishly recited lines in his head, over and over. It’s a good thing no one can see me, he thought to himself. He was already shifting restlessly in his seat even without the gaze of the audience bearing down on him. 

For the past two weeks, Marius locked himself in his room, nestled comfortably in his desk chair while racking his brain for words to put on the page. It had to be perfect, or he could never live with himself. Marius reviewed and recited his speech multiple times before he left for the ceremony. He nearly drove himself mad, standing in front of the mirror for hours on end, talking to himself. At this point, Marius didn’t need the sheet of paper sitting on the lectern, just behind Ms. Madison’s transcript. She convinced him to keep it there, although Marius insisted on reciting it by heart. 

“Just in case you slip up,” she told him. “Just in case you need it. It can’t hurt, can it?”

That was a few hours ago. Now Marius sat patiently, half-listening to Ms. Madison as she delivered glowing reviews of his class, waiting for her to give him his introduction so he could finally get out of his chair.

He did not wait long. “And now I would like to introduce to you this year’s valedictorian. Many of you have heard of the spectacular things he does for our community and beyond. After much consideration, it is my privilege to name Marius Gray, the student, leader, and friend, as the class of 2022 valedictorian of Benedictine College!” Ms. Madison looked over at Marius, her cherry lips curling into the fullest smile he had ever seen on her face. 

He stood up and gathered the composure to walk out from behind the curtain. The audience erupted into applause, whooping and hollering as Marius emerged from stage left. A spotlight followed him all the way to the podium, where he gently slid the stool underneath the cabinet and moved Ms. Madison’s speech behind his. The audience was still clapping, giving Marius the time to take another breath and survey the crowd. He saw nothing but a thick silhouette of chairs and heads and the huge light shining in his eyes from the ceiling, and felt nothing but thousands of eyes and his heartbeat. He couldn’t help but grin. It was exactly as exhilarating as he’d imagined, as breathtaking as he hoped it’d be. 

6 minutes was all he was given. It seemed short when Marius wrote the speech, and it still seemed short when he recited it in front of the mirror. On stage, however, Marius felt as though he spoke for hours. All he wanted was to dance around the stage in his robes hollering with unabashed joy. Instead, he stood tall and firm, his eyes shining, his vision swimming with euphoria. He channeled all of his focus into each word that left his mouth.

Marius glanced down at his paper. He had reached the final remarks, the conclusion to his endeavors as a student. He raised his gaze and looked out at the sea of heads, trying not to squint. 

“This, my friends, is what I will leave you with. We’ve all spent countless hours doing our best to make it. We did it in middle school, we did it in high school, and we’ve done it here. That’s something to be proud of, working towards a goal that each of us has set for ourselves. I would like to think I left my mark on this community, and I hope that our time here has meant as much as it does for me. Thank you for making all these years worthwhile. Thank you, Benedictine College, for the opportunity you’ve so graciously granted me and all the graduates sitting in this room.”

The audience erupted once again into whooping and hollering and applause that echoed around the hall and made Marius’ head spin. He beamed, soaking in this victory, letting the wave of praise wash over him. This is it, he thought, lightheaded with bliss. I’ve done it.

The title of valedictorian was not the guarantee Marius thought it was, as life would have it. Years would pass. Marius would travel far, far away from Benedictine College and his home. His money would thin. He would find himself working a dead-end job in retail in a forgettable town. His marriage would fail. The promise of success became a distant dream, a youthful fantasy. He would be evicted from his home, he’d lose direction in life, and he’d turn to drinking and drugs and spending every night trying to forget about every day. The future, as it turned out, was not kind to Marius. But for now, none of that mattered to Marius. For now, success was nothing more than the flashing cameras, the roaring applause of the crowd, and the award Ms. Madison walked out from stage right to present to him. The future didn’t matter. This was it– he was the valedictorian. The winner. 

Sometimes, when the high wears off and Marius Gray sits alone in his apartment tired and hollow, he thinks of those blinding lights and the deafening thunder of the crowd, and he smiles.