If Only I Would've | Teen Ink

If Only I Would've

June 14, 2021
By Anonymous

Trigger warning: Sensitive subject matter

 

September 6, 2013


     Hello journal! Today was a weird day, Tommy seemed to be sad for some reason and I couldn’t understand why. I tried to talk to him and cheer him up, but he couldn’t stop frowning no matter how funny my jokes were. He smiled a few times, but I could tell they were all forced. I wonder why he is all of a sudden different after summer break. 


September 14, 2013


     Goodmorning journal, yesterday during gym Mr. Gutt tried to get Tommy to take off his hoodie because he needed to change for the gym, but Tommy refused. Finally after he took it off I saw cuts all up and down Tommy’s wrists, don’t know what they were from.


September 29, 2013 


      Hey journal. I just saw Tommy cutting himself in the bathroom, “Hey what are you doing?” I asked him when I walked in.

     “Joe! Please, please don’t tell anyone about this. You have to promise me you won’t say anything.”

     “I wont…” I agreed awkwardly. 

I think that he has depression and that’s why he’s been acting so weird lately. I want to tell the guidance counsellor, but I can’t do that to Tommy. I promised not to say a word about it. 


October 7, 2013


     Journal, please help me! I don’t know what to do, today in the locker room some pills fell out of Tommy’s backpack. I really want to get help, but I swore to him I wouldn’t say anything about any of this. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t keep my word? I’m really worried about him, I’ve got this sickening feeling in my gut like I’ve just been punched in the stomach. I guess I better keep my word.


October 9, 2013


     Journal… He, he’s gone, Tommy. They found his body a few hours ago, dead on his bedroom floor. He overdosed, I think it was those pills that fell out of his backpack the other day. This whole situation is all my fault, my god I feel so guilty. If I would’ve just spoken up, said something about what I’d seen, this all would’ve been prevented. I’m a horrible person… 


The author's comments:

I wrote this piece because I wanted to spread the message that you should always stick up for others/ say something before it's too late.


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