Only a Woman | Teen Ink

Only a Woman MAG

August 12, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius


“My Lady, Octavian is here.” Neferura, my only loyal servant, was in a panic. “It will only be a matter of time before he finds you here.”

“I won’t hide any longer. Bring my paints, my best red sheath, and my most expensive jewelry. I’ve charmed two Roman men; there’s no reason I can’t charm this one too.”

Neferura bowed, then ran out of the mausoleum I had been hiding in for the past few months. Had it really only been a couple of months since everything had gone wrong? Our fleet was destroyed at Actium, Mark Antony took his own life, and now the Emperor had arrived in Egypt. If I couldn’t charm Octavian like I charmed Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, then I would soon be returning to my mausoleum as a corpse.

Neferura returned with all of the things I had requested. She helped me wriggle out of my plain white sheath and into my sumptuous red one that left little to the imagination. Then she brushed my tangled black hair, pinned it up, and slipped my wig of a hundred ringlets into place. I sat very still as she outlined my eyes in kohl, used henna to redden my lips, and covered the dark circles under my eyes with powder. From the small selection of jewelry she brought, I chose a silver circlet with a huge red jasper stone that hung on my forehead, bracelets of electrum, a belt of moonstones, and rings of lapis lazuli. I looked at myself in the small bronze mirror Neferura brought and smiled. I looked perfect, as usual. Now all I had to do was make Octavian agree.

“You manipulated a good Roman man into turning against his own country,” Octavian said to me warily.

“Me? I am just a woman. What influence could a woman have over a strong Roman man?”

Octavian spluttered at my words; he was not buying into my story. And he definitely wasn’t falling for my body like Julius and Mark had. My intelligence only threatened him, so that definitely wasn’t helping my case. Time for Plan B.

“You need a powerful ally in Egypt; I can maintain control over my people. Let me remain Pharaoh, and Rome will reap the rewards.”

For the first time in our meeting, Octavian smiled. “Cleopatra, you are an intelligent woman. Tell me, why would I need a powerful ally in the newest Roman province?”

“You’re annexing Egypt?” I gasped.

“Of course. I have no wish to quell the rebellion of yet another tempestuous Eastern Queen.” He snapped his fingers. “Take her away, but do not harm her. I wish to display her at my triumph when I return.”

The Roman guards marched me at swordpoint to a tiny room in the palace that had been a guest room. Before they locked me away for good, I turned to face them and suggestively lifted my sheath to reveal my right calf. One of the soldiers hesitated, but the other pushed me into my prison and slammed the door behind me. To my surprise, Neferura was there, setting up a simple cot by the door. Seeing me, she bowed before speaking.

“I convinced the guards to let me tend to you. My Queen, what will you do now?”

“I am going to deny Emperor Octavian his greatest prize.” I smiled reassuringly to hide the fact I was ready to break down and cry. “I don’t care how you do it, but bring me an asp. I’m going to die with the honour that befits the last Pharaoh of Egypt.”

Neferura nodded and I could see the tears in her deep brown eyes. I walked over to her and pulled her into a hug – a breech of station on my part. But I didn’t care; I was about to die and I needed to thank her for her complete loyalty to me. I felt the tears running down my face, but I let them flow. After all, if I had my way, I wouldn't be here much longer.

After Neferura retouched my makeup, I was ready. She had smuggled the asp past the guards by hiding it in a basket of figs. I reached in the figs and nearly smiled in triumph when my fingers closed around the asp’s cool, smooth body. It hissed as I pulled it out of the basket. Good, it was already annoyed at being kept under the heavy figs.

Its eyes stared coldly at me as I stroked its head, enticing it to bite me. Finally, it struck my wrist with lightning speed. I bit my tongue to keep from crying out in pain. When the snake let go, I quickly dumped it in the fig basket and put on the lid.

Within minutes, my breathing became laboured. I lay down on the bed and carefully composed myself. I was going to die with dignity, the way a Pharaoh should. My last breaths were steeped in agony, yet I was strangely happy. I had thwarted Octavian, denying him his greatest prize.

But my happiness didn’t last long. The gods in Judgment Hall were calling for me, Queen Cleopatra, the last and greatest Pharaoh.


The author's comments:

Historical Note: Although we know him today as Octavian (or Caesar Augustus), in his time, he was known as 'Gaius.' I didn't want to fight convention by using his Latin name because that would just confuse everyone. I hope you like my story! Tell me what you think of my portrayal of Cleopatra in the comments.


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This article has 258 comments.


on Aug. 19 2011 at 9:27 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you!  I'm glad I got into Cleopatra's head that well. :)

on Aug. 19 2011 at 3:38 am
Garnet77 PLATINUM, Sinagpore, Other
31 articles 6 photos 577 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything's a triangle." ~ My mother

"Write what you love, write what you care about, because sometimes, it's the easiest way to be heard."

I love how detailed everything is. I really feel like I am actually in the story, watching everything from within Cleopatra's head. The ending was perfect, and this was overall an amazing piece. :)

on Aug. 18 2011 at 1:37 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you! :)

on Aug. 18 2011 at 1:35 pm
Gleek4ever GOLD, Hometown, Illinois
14 articles 2 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If its one thing I learned in life its, Life's a climb but the view is great!" -Miley Cyrus

dang u r a good writer.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 11:26 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you, CheyMJonas! :)

on Aug. 17 2011 at 11:25 pm
Sinister-Von GOLD, Shawnee, Oklahoma
11 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
never stop doing what you love, The past makes you who you are today. Live for today and not for tomorrow

I love this one as well:) good job

on Aug. 17 2011 at 9:47 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you! :)  And that's okay about the double post; I think everyone's done that at least once.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 8:54 pm
AivatNna BRONZE, New York
2 articles 1 photo 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"As happy as a turtle on an conveyor belt"

Sorry I wrote it 2! >_<

on Aug. 17 2011 at 8:53 pm
AivatNna BRONZE, New York
2 articles 1 photo 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"As happy as a turtle on an conveyor belt"

Wow! This was written very nicely! I'm jealous.. lolz :) very well done!
(and cool because I was reading about Cleopatra's story in school last year.)

on Aug. 17 2011 at 8:52 pm
AivatNna BRONZE, New York
2 articles 1 photo 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"As happy as a turtle on an conveyor belt"

Wow! This was written very nicely! I'm jealous.. lolz :) very well done!


(and cool because I was reading about Cleopatra's story in school last year.)


on Aug. 17 2011 at 8:50 pm
AivatNna BRONZE, New York
2 articles 1 photo 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"As happy as a turtle on an conveyor belt"

Wow! This was written very nicely! I'm jealous.. lolz :)  very well done!

(and cool because I was reading about Cleopatra's story in school last year.)


on Aug. 17 2011 at 7:58 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Aw, thanks!  I'm glad I made history interesting for you.  :)

on Aug. 17 2011 at 7:58 pm
SecretFlame PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
20 articles 1 photo 373 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have a life. I just choose to ignore it."
-one of my friends

Okay cool! Thanks, I guess I just didn't get the email or I forgot about it, when the editor sent it.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 7:55 pm
BreeTayler PLATINUM, Carlisle, Arkansas
30 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where there is love there is life." --Ghandi

I've read this before... And it was even better the second time lol especially since I knew she was Cleopatra from the very begining:) everything made much better sense haha ... But wonderfully written. You are EXTREMELY talented! And please. Please. Please write a textbook so students all over the world can stay away in history! lol brava!!

on Aug. 17 2011 at 7:53 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Nope, I rated it after I commented.  :)  Five stars.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 7:51 pm
SecretFlame PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
20 articles 1 photo 373 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have a life. I just choose to ignore it."
-one of my friends

You're welcome! Could you please rate Artist's Dream? You forgot to when you commented.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 7:47 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you! :)  I'm glad you enjoyed it.  This was my first attempt at historical fiction.

on Aug. 17 2011 at 7:44 pm
SecretFlame PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
20 articles 1 photo 373 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have a life. I just choose to ignore it."
-one of my friends

This was gorgeously written! There were loads of detail packed into a short excerpt from Cleopatra's life. Interesting and well put. The ending was very well done. The title was well picked for this piece. Very interesting. I loved it! The description of the Asp was fantastic and you made Cleopatra very life like!