What was the strangest thing you’ve found in your closet? Money? A poisonous snake? A psychopath with a chainsaw ready to rip you into a million pieces while you scream hopelessly for help? I wish. Well, the first one I mean; not the last two… What I found was weird, and when I say weird, I mean mystical creatures singing song lyrics you would hear on the radio. Don’t believe me? Just watch. I mean read. Gosh, those fairies got to me.
I don’t want to make this story too long so I’ll summarize most of it. One day, I decided to ask out Joleen. However, I ran away before I could talk to her. Then, to make my day worse, Ronald McDonald appeared in my closet and made a portal appear by opening a happy meal box. I was sucked into a portal and met a drunk Satyr named Bobby. He took me to his place, and he explained to me that I was stuck in a land called Marnia, was destined to defeat the evil white witch. After he said white witch, the white witch appeared right behind him.
“TAYLOR SWIFT!” I screamed as I spit out my tea. She looked exactly like Taylor swift, but with white skin, a medal dress, and a hat that might have been made out of kittens. “Oh baby, we got bad blood.” Bobby the Satyr got up and walked away slowly. “We used to be mad love” she sang. “Charlie, run!” Bobby screamed. As she wrote something down in her notebook, she sang “Now look at what you’ve done.” After Bobby the Satyr turned to stone, the white witch looked at me. “I've got a blank space baby and I'll write your name” she sang as she closed her notebook. Then she disappeared. After that strange incident, I ran out of Bobby’s house and sat under the shade of an oak tree. It was the only tree I could see from miles away. “This is just a dream,” I told myself, “Or maybe I’m drunk.” I pinched myself ten times to try to wake myself up, but couldn’t. “Who's that sexy thing I see over there? That's me, looking at myself, oh baby.”
I stood up, turned, and saw a unicorn. Although he had a manly voice, muscular arms, and chiseled face of a male supermodel, his colorful mane, tail, walk, and sass said otherwise. “Excuse me. My name is Charlie. Can you help me?” I asked. The unicorn stopped and looked at me. Then he looked up and down like he was observing me. Then he kept walking as if nothing happened. “Ah to the Ah, to the no no no” he sang.
“Please help me, I’m lost. Apparently, I’m destined to defeat the white witch, but I don’t know how” I begged. “You’re the child. I thought he would be more fabulous, like me since every inch of me is perfect from the bottom to the top” he responded. “So can you help me?” I asked. He replied “Yes, but on one condition. You must twerk.”
I stood there, hoping that the unicorn was just joking. He wasn’t. He waited patiently. He told me that if I wanted his help, I needed to show him I was fabulously worthy. At first, I wanted to run. There was no way I was twerking. But then I thought, “How am I going to get home?” It looked like I had to do whatever it takes to go home so I did. I turned, bent over, and shook my butt awkwardly about ten times. I heard the unicorn laugh hysterically behind me.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough.” He said as he wiped his tears away. "The only person who can really help you now is the three fairies: Beyoncé, Adele, and Miley. You need to summon them is to sing their songs. They also foresaw that a guy name Donald Trump will build a big wall and something about Kayne West 2020.” Then he galloped and rode off into the sunset.
I stood there, speechless. Although I was a little embarrassed for twerking, part of me felt like I did an accomplishment. I felt like I could do anything now. If I ever get back to the real world, I promised myself that I would ask out Joleen one more time. To be continued…