Cassandra (interviewer): I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity today to talk to two of the most influential people in the history of Hyrule (and Navi, of course). Good morning Link, Ganondorf, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

Link: Good morning. It’s great to get to meet you and we’re so excited to be here.

Ganondorf: Easy for you to say. I didn’t want to come, but I couldn’t exactly let you steal the spotlight yet again, could I, Link?

Cassandra: I see there seems to still be some animosity between you two. How does it feel, Ganondorf, to have the Sacred Realm nearly within your grasp, almost the entirety of Hyrule under your control, when you are suddenly defeated by some little blonde boy in a green dress?

Link: It’s a tunic!

Ganondorf: *scowls at Link* Frankly, it’s really annoying. Every time I get close to victory, this annoying little elf boy-

Link: Hylian!

Ganondorf: -shows up out of nowhere with the Master Sword and is all “Ooh, I’m the Hero of Time; I’m going to protect Hyrule and save the princess.”

Link: Hey, hey, that’s not fair. It’s not my fault! I was just living my life, sleeping peacefully in my home in the Kokiri forest, when Navi came out of nowhere, woke me up, and told me that the Deku Tree needed to talk to me. All of a sudden I’m thrown out into a land I never knew, fighting off a million-and-one of your minions who want to do me in! Did I ask for this?

Cassandra: Link, it must have been heart-wrenching to watch the Great Deku Tree, protector of the forest and father figure to the entire Kokiri race, die before your eyes. How did this affect your outlook on the quest ahead of you?

Link: As you can imagine, it was really discouraging at first. He always seemed to be this great, strong being when I was a child. Always protecting us from danger, the Great Deku Tree seemed indestructible, so when he died, I think a bit of my childhood died too. It was so disconcerting knowing there wasn’t someone with a plan, someone-*notices Navi sulking slightly* I’m sorry; I wasn’t counting you anyhow Navi.

Ganondorf: Great Deku Tree? Wasn’t he that old tree who spoke as if he was in some sort of Shakespearean tragedy? I swear, I poisoned him just to get him to shut up already.

*Link looks somewhere between hurt and furious*

Navi: Hey! Look! Listen!

Ganondorf: No, you ‘hey, look, listen’ fairy. This kid keeps ruining my dreams every chance he gets. All I wanted was complete domination, was that too much to ask?

Cassandra: Complete domination? What sparked this dream, this need for power, Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: Throughout my childhood, I was used to being in power. The lone male of the Gerudo race, I was constantly pampered and idolized. Then one day, I head out into the rest of Hyrule and everyone else seems to idolize either that elven –

Link: Hylian...

Ganondorf: -girl, or their own royalty, and, well, that just wouldn’t do, would it? So with my Gerudo girls and the Triforce of Power, I set out to make it all mine.

Cassandra: But, don’t-

Ganondorf: Silence! You will respect the Great Ganondorf, the Desert King!

Cassandra: *frightened* Well, it has been nice speaking to you. I wish you both the best of luck in any future world-saving (or conquering) quests you embark on. This has been Cassandra Blackthorne of High Geekery Magazine.