New Moon (Sequal to Twilight) In About 5 Minutes | Teen Ink

New Moon (Sequal to Twilight) In About 5 Minutes

May 30, 2010
By NeverFallTooHard PLATINUM, Hartford, Wisconsin
NeverFallTooHard PLATINUM, Hartford, Wisconsin
24 articles 5 photos 98 comments

Favorite Quote:
Reason is powerless in the expression of Love.~ Rumi
Realisim, in painting, is what one wants to see, not what they really see. ~ Janet Fish

*Dramatic piano Music*
(Edward and Bella stand outside of Bella's house by the truck)
Bella: It's my birthday
Bella: Kiss me.
Edward *Scared look* uhh... Okay?
*They kiss*

(At the Cullen Mansion thingie. Everyone is in a circle)

Alice: It's time! It's Time! Bella, open your presents.
Bella: But I don't like-
Alice *Devilish look* OPEN THEM!!!
Bella: Okay, Okay! Sheesh.
*Bella opens package and gets a papercut. Blood squirts out everywhere*
Bella: Ahhh!! Call a doctor!!
Jasper: *Looks at bella and licks lips* tasty.....
Edward: NOOO!!! *Pushed bella into piano*
Bella: OW!
Edawrd: Sorry......*Hits Jasper* I was trying to protect you.......
Bella: You didn't do a good enough job. *Walks away.
Emmett: Remind me why you like her?
Edward: *sighs* I don't know anymore...Let's leave her.

(Edward and Bella are outside in woods)

Edward: Bella I'm leaving.
Bella: But Edwrad-
Edward: *hides behind a tree*
bella: *Hyperventalates*
*Jacob comes out of nowhere*
Bella: Jacob! I love you now that Edward's not here!
Jacob: *Shrugs* I'll take it!

(*Later on*)

Bella: Let's build a bike!
Jacob: When did you like Bikes?
Bella: Shut up and build us some bikes that we can ride romantically into the sunset with....*Smiles and looks lovingly away*

Jacob: Hop on Bells!
bella: *Smiles brightly* OKAY Jackee! *Hops on and rides off a cliff into the sunset*
(End Daydream)

Bella: *Shakes herself out of daydream*
Bella: Let us ride into the sunset!
Jacob: Where have you been all month.....?
Bella: *Hops on back of the bikes* Let's go Jake! I wanna feel the adrenaline rush!
Jacob: *Gulps* Kay then....
Bella: *Sees figure of Edward* EDDY!
Edward: I'm not real! Leave me alone!
Bella: *Crashes into a rock* Kay then *Sniffle*

(Bella and Jacob at Bella's house)

Alice: Ding-DONG! I'm at the door! *Knocks on door and then breaks it down*
*BElla and Jacob stare with eyes wide open*
Bella: Alice!!*Hugs her*
Alice: Bella! *Sniff-Sniff* You smell great....
Bella: I'll go away now....
Alice: NO! Edward thinks you're dead. He's Gunna go commit suicide!
Bella: Can vampires do that?
Alice: Only the sparkly, magical, soft,non-sharp-toothed Cullens can! *Beams with pride*
Jacob: Bella don't go!
Bella: No, Jake. Now that Edwrad's back, I love him. You will just have to wait your turn.
Jacob: But I'm a werewolf!
Bella: *Eyes widden* When did that happen?!?
Jacob: A While ago. We just didn't mention it cause it was so obvious. Did you see any of the New Moon trailers? That ruined everything!
Bella: True. I still gotta go.
Jake: *Whimpers*

(Outside in Rome)

Alice: GO BELLA!
Bella: OKAY! *Trips over fountian* Ouch!!!
Edward: *Walks into sun*
Bella: EDWARD NO!!!
Edward: *Looks at Bella* GOD! Can't this chick leave me alone?
Bella: *Hugs Edward* RUNNN!!!!
Edward:*Sigh* You won't let me be, will you?
Bella. No. I'm persistant *Insane laugh*
Edward *Sarcastic laugh* yes you are....*Sigh* Let's go home.

(On a plane home)

Bella: Okay. Edward- um...I've been meaning to ask you something. ..
Edward: *Sigh* What is it, Bella.
Bella: Will you marry me?
Edward: *Scoffs* NO!
Bella:*Grab's Edwards Earlobe* Do it or I'll seduce you....
Edward: Okay okay!!!!!
Bella: *Smiles* YEA!!!!!

The author's comments:
This is a parody. I love aprodies, so I made one. I love the Twilight Saga, but the Parodies are just as good. Please comment and rate!!!

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This article has 46 comments.

on May. 14 2015 at 12:59 pm
Lysander PLATINUM, Bangalore, Other
40 articles 0 photos 87 comments

Favorite Quote:
I slay.

God..dat was super hilarious ...luvd it....

on Mar. 5 2015 at 9:26 pm
AngelicPhoenix GOLD, Tea, South Dakota
13 articles 1 photo 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
My favorite quote is I am protective and defensive of my wolf pack

Nice violence sorry I've been called demented

Shaebecool said...
on Feb. 27 2015 at 1:30 pm
Shaebecool, Lafayette, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can't control your behavior, nor do I want that burden. But I will not apologize for refusing to be, Disrespected, Lied to, or Mistreated. I have standards, Step Up, or Step Out

i love Twilight but this is funny even if that last part is a little backwards XD "crashes into rock" *kay then* that got me so bad hahahahaha

Buurrry said...
on Oct. 30 2013 at 12:39 pm
Buurrry, Las Vegas, Nevada
0 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
Time is a slut. She screws everybody. - John Green, The Fault in our Stars

Uhhhhhhhhhhh. Edward is supposed to propose to Bella... and she kinda doesn't even want to marry him at first...soooooo yeah.

Breanne BRONZE said...
on Jun. 16 2012 at 3:38 pm
Breanne BRONZE, Fairhope, Alabama
1 article 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Rose as in red, never in blue. Sharp as a thorn, fights like one too."
-Vampire Academy, Richelle Mead! <3

haha wowww this is great!!!

on Dec. 1 2011 at 3:59 pm
cantdeleteaccounthelp, Sey, West Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 64 comments

I like it! Except for the last part, it's kind of out of place there... Anyways it's very nice! And funny, I enjoyed it! Keep writing!


on Dec. 1 2011 at 11:23 am
jazzerlover BRONZE, Keeseville, New York
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Maxwell Smart: I think it's only fair to warn you, this facility is surrounded by a highly trained team of 130 Black Op Snipers.
Siegfried: I don't believe you.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe two dozen Delta Force Commandos?
Siegfried: No.
Maxwell Smart: How about Chuck Norris with a BB gun?

This is so funny!!!! I LOVE IT!!! :)

Tonite BRONZE said...
on Nov. 9 2011 at 5:37 am
Tonite BRONZE, Toronto, Other
1 article 21 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am just two and two. I am hot. I am cold.
I'm the parents of number that cannot be told.
I'm a gift beyond measure, a matter od course,
And I'm yielded with pleasure - when taken by force."------Julian

pls tell me that you will post breaking dawn in about five minutes next......this was soooooooooooooo awesome!!!! LOL

mariahkayee said...
on Sep. 12 2011 at 8:13 am
You don't have to hate a book/movie in order to make a parody of them. Only true fans can really see the flaws in them and poke fun at it, while still loving the book. All the power to you for stating your opinion, but I don't think in any way this author was being demeaning about Twilight. I loved the books and series, but I was laughing my butt off.

Sunfire BRONZE said...
on Jul. 28 2011 at 3:27 pm
Sunfire BRONZE, King George, Virginia
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

On the same plane as you Vanendra! This story wouldn't let me stop laughing, although i don't want to have anything to do with the real thing.

 And congrats, to you,  the author you made laugh my guts out.

on May. 16 2011 at 3:06 pm
writergirl4ever17 SILVER, Marion, Ohio
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream, Love, Live, Create!!!

I agree with the two above comments. Apparently you didn't read it or else you would know that she is making FUN of New she probably doesn't like it that much either...and if she's her opinion...yeah you gave your opinion but it didn't have to be so mean...chill out dude. MAN!

on May. 16 2011 at 3:03 pm
writergirl4ever17 SILVER, Marion, Ohio
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream, Love, Live, Create!!!

Hahaha these are soooo funny! I love it...hahaha. This pretty much sums up the book. Hahaha!

on May. 16 2011 at 1:41 pm
Twilightlove96 SILVER, Jersey Shore, Pennsylvania
8 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Loves is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It dose not take offense and is not resentful. Love take no pleasure in others people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”

New Moon may suck but the other movies are perfectly fine. I myself am a Twilight fan and I will admit that I dont like one of the movies. So no need to be like that if you dont like them then dont read it.

on Apr. 25 2011 at 12:28 pm
Fangstorm_The_Vampire GOLD, Tehachapi, California
15 articles 1 photo 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
It's a bird!
It's a midget!
NO. it's...... EDWARD ELRIC.

Dude, don't be rude or somebody's DEFENITELY going to flag you. This was funny, and yes, Twilight sucks. No reason to go around insulting people. How did your comment even get past the editors?

on Mar. 14 2011 at 8:59 am
Vanendra BRONZE, Blasdell, New York
1 article 76 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I just sneezed and it hurt my pelvis."~Jasmine Omg
"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love"~Marylin Monroe
"I didn't tell him nowhere where you live" ~me ^-^
"I like the wolves on this textbook, they have very legs" ~Jasmine Omg

Lol I personally hated the series but I loved your parody!!!!!!! <3

Lauren said...
on Jan. 27 2011 at 7:40 pm

Calm down, it's a parody no need to be rude.

I think this parody is awesome and SO funny.

But New moon and the Twilight series in general is the worst!!!

on Jan. 27 2011 at 12:13 pm
BlahBlah135 BRONZE, Lake Oswego, Oregon
3 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:

NEW Moon sucks. You suck and you also suck. New Moon is terrible and everytyhing is terrible about the movie. And Elcpise sucks so quit writing garbage:P

on Jan. 5 2011 at 10:23 am
xprezzionstar BRONZE, Jeffersonville, Kentucky
3 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
All it takes it 20 seconds of insane courage and I promise you, something amazing will happen

omg this was awesome love just as good as the last!

on Oct. 31 2010 at 6:13 pm
WinterFairy PLATINUM, Chicago, Illinois
45 articles 15 photos 111 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't dream it. Be it."
"Singing is praying twice, and dancing is singing with the body."
"Paper is more patient than man."
"Where you live shouldn't determine whether you live"

ROTFLMFAO!! So hilarious yeah parodies r good--and sometimes theyre better!! :)

on Oct. 8 2010 at 8:29 pm
PussnBoots GOLD, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When life hands you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it." -Unknown
"The world is my pineapple. I just have to figure out a way past the prickly parts." -Me

Ha! While I love Stephenie Meyer's books, I love parodies, too. xD This made me laugh. :D