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Harry Dresden, meet the Twilight characters
I slammed to the hard floor with an ungrateful thud. I closed the portal with a quick extension of my will and instantly recognized the architecture. Queen Mab’s place, where the Faerie queen of winter ruled, AKA Arctis Tor. Time to start what I do best lately: blowing stuff up.
Of course, it is only half-way through the typical combat that I realized I’d miscalculated.
This was not the Nevernever, where the spirits ran and the faeries lived.
This was a church or something, and these people were not Mab’s creatures or even faerie, though they resisted most my magic but for the fire stuff.
“Aw, man,” I groaned. Murphy, my five-foot-and-some-change tall policewoman sidekick (hey, I can have sidekicks too! I’m the only professional wizard in the phone book, remember!) glanced at me but continued to fight her opponent, a little brunette exactly her size.
“Stop, stop, everybody stop. I got the wrong place. This isn’t Arctis Tor after all,” I shouted. Murphy raised an eyebrow, stopping her fight. Our rivals stopped too.
“No, of course not. This is Volterra. They are the Volturi and we are the Cullens,” said the creepy short one Murphy’d been fighting.
“Aw, come on! This is no where near the Nevernever… I’m gonna kill Bob one day, really…” I muttered, mentally cursing at Bob, my immortal knowledge spirit who helped out with spell-writing. “Sorry, guys. Wrong place. I am really sorry, you can file a complaint with the White Council, I’m Warden Harry Dresden. I really didn’t mean to massacre your friends, truly sorry… Hey, is this Volterra, Italy? Is that little restaurant open up the street? Oh, never mind. Really sorry, guys,” I said loudly.
I stepped aside to form another portal, accidentally stepping on the dead body of a teenaged girl. Ouch. My Council record after this: not so great.
“After him!” screeched one of the pale people. “We are the Volturi, the vampire royalty!”
I squinted really hard at them. “Nah, you’re not vampires.”
“Dresden, this is not the time…” muttered Murphy.
“Sorry again, wannabes, just, ah, inform whatever vampire Court you belong to that this was an accident!” I shouted, opening the portal again.