The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
Cinderella
By Anonymous
Fiction
best friends
By kaylinanne BRONZE
Hb, California
kaylinanne BRONZE, Hb, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
What if Edward hadn't stopped the van?
By Anawithonen BRONZE
Inglewood, California
Anawithonen BRONZE, Inglewood, California
3 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;if i could give her a big does of &#039;be nice&#039; then we&#039;d all live happily ever after.&quot; -Stevie Rae, Chosen.

View profile
Fiction
Cinderella's glass shoe fits the other stepsister
By Anonymous
Fiction
I'm On the Bleechers
By levi883 SILVER
Helena, Montana
levi883 SILVER, Helena, Montana
5 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
5th Twilight: Glistening Sin (Renesmee's Story) Chapter 3
By dkA.M SILVER
Vail, Arizona
dkA.M SILVER, Vail, Arizona
8 articles 0 photos 87 comments
View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1986 comments.

cristibabygirl BRONZE said...
on Apr. 21 2011 at 8:40 am
cristibabygirl BRONZE, Blythewood, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;what you wanna be married to me for anyways?&quot;<br /> &quot;so i can kiss you anytime i want&quot;<br /> &lt;3

View profile
that is hilarious (: :D
JamesBLaurie SILVER said...
on Apr. 20 2011 at 11:54 am
JamesBLaurie SILVER, Montreal, Other
6 articles 2 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing - Benjamin Franklin

View profile
Thanks and right back at you!
xxGummiBearxx BRONZE said...
on Apr. 19 2011 at 9:29 pm
xxGummiBearxx BRONZE, Spring, Texas
1 article 2 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.&rdquo;

View profile
Hahaha Loved it!
Made me laugh.[:
Darkchloe14 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 19 2011 at 10:57 am
Darkchloe14 BRONZE, Memphis, Tennessee
1 article 0 photos 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Be Strong&quot;

View profile
genious. Just pure genious. Make a youtube parody please!!!!!
loopybanana said...
on Apr. 19 2011 at 9:16 am
loopybanana, Coventry, New York
0 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
one is not good if they are not themselves...

View profile
lol....... soooooooo true x
loopybanana said...
on Apr. 19 2011 at 9:15 am
loopybanana, Coventry, New York
0 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
one is not good if they are not themselves...

View profile
nice name :)
rubyrainstorm SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2011 at 5:07 pm
rubyrainstorm SILVER, Closter, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 275 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.<br /> -Buddha.

View profile
AHAHAHAHAHA! I was looking at this with some friends, and we were all cracking up like mad! 8) BTW, if you can, please check out, comment on, and rate my poems, The Girl Inside, Remembering Spring, and You Are the Lyrics In Me. THanks!!!!! 8)
maki_rain BRONZE said...
on Apr. 18 2011 at 12:01 pm
maki_rain BRONZE, Rocklin, California
2 articles 1 photo 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
A hero is not a man more courageous than others, but a man courageous for a little while longer.

View profile
Better than the original. Nice job.
JamesBLaurie SILVER said...
on Apr. 18 2011 at 9:41 am
JamesBLaurie SILVER, Montreal, Other
6 articles 2 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing - Benjamin Franklin

View profile
surprisingly accurate...
xxblahhhO.o said...
on Apr. 18 2011 at 9:19 am
Same :D Agreed!!
Messa BRONZE said...
on Apr. 17 2011 at 8:44 pm
Messa BRONZE, Ottawa, Other
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I&#039;m through accepting limits, &#039;cause someone says they&#039;re so&quot; -Defying Gravity, Wicked

View profile
Haha, hilarious! And yet, so accurate :P
MadiBird PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 17 2011 at 10:55 am
MadiBird PLATINUM, Warrenton, Virginia
21 articles 1 photo 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Hate isn&#039;t the opposite of love. Indifference is the opposite of love. Because if you hate, you still care.&quot;

View profile
Oh my god, I love this! I'm totally gonna grab some friends and film this - and credit you of course! =)
dorcha-aingeal GOLD said...
on Apr. 17 2011 at 10:53 am
dorcha-aingeal GOLD, MPLS, Minnesota
14 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The unexamined life is not worth living&quot; (Socrates)

View profile
i love  it's funny 
starxoxo23 PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 17 2011 at 9:07 am
starxoxo23 PLATINUM, New Hampshire, New Hampshire
21 articles 0 photos 97 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The creative is the place where no one else has ever been. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you&#039;ll discover will be wonderful. What you&#039;ll discover is yourself.&quot;<br /> - Alan Alda

View profile
Haha this is great!
Mary_S. said...
on Apr. 16 2011 at 1:16 pm
Mary_S., Grand Blanc, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Welcome to the New World, where you&#039;d better watch your neck.&quot;

View profile
I don't know WHO could flame this! This is seriously epic! I was laughing the whole entire time I read it!
rubyrainstorm SILVER said...
on Apr. 16 2011 at 11:40 am
rubyrainstorm SILVER, Closter, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 275 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.<br /> -Buddha.

View profile
AGREED! 8)
rubyrainstorm SILVER said...
on Apr. 16 2011 at 11:38 am
rubyrainstorm SILVER, Closter, New Jersey
7 articles 0 photos 275 comments

Favorite Quote:
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.<br /> -Buddha.

View profile
Hahaha, this was hilarious! I totally agree, the Twilight Saga is cheesy and pointless. This was funny, and cute. Loved it! Hope that you continue writing, and never lose that sense of humor! If you have time, please check out, rate, and comment on my poem, The Girl Inside. Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! 8)
lyssamarie97 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 15 2011 at 9:47 pm
lyssamarie97 BRONZE, Centralia, Washington
3 articles 3 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I am, I am, I am.&quot; Slyvia Plath, The Bell Jar

View profile

Nice! Lol loved it!

 

bayleem GOLD said...
on Apr. 15 2011 at 6:22 pm
bayleem GOLD, Yarmouth, Maine
10 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Best Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support.&rdquo;

View profile
lol i was giggling the whole time... AGREED... TWILIGHT SUCKSS
AlexisNicole94 said...
on Apr. 11 2011 at 1:35 pm
This is so funny! :) I love it and I love the fact that it is a drama :) Keep up the good work! :)