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How To Befriend A Grizzly Bear
Play dead they say.
Don't run, scream, or poke.
If you ever encounter a grizzly bear
Don't befriend the bear.
They aren't like you, they will never be like you.
They are mean, threatening, and dangerous
Playing dead will trick the bear
To back off and stay away
And never make direct eye contact with the bear
But for some strange reason you want to befriend them
First, seek some help there is something seriously wrong with you
And second, try some of my tips
The bear is probably really scared and insecure
And really needs a hug
But don't just hug the bear because that's just weird
Try to get to know them first, they could be really nice.
Introduce yourself and shake their paw, it makes them feel safe and they won't be threatened anymore.
Try to have a smile on your face and act like you are interested in the conversation, it draws them into your presence and makes them not want to attack.
Then, give them a compliment such as “you have really pretty fur” or “I love your big eyes”
This makes them feel appreciated and warm inside.
Ask them a question that would spark a conversation.
You could ask them what kind of dreams they have when they hibernate in the winter? or what's your favorite kind of fish?
This really gets the whole friendship started because now you have made connections with the bear.
At this point if they haven't tried to eat you then you are doing something right.
But if your dead, then you probably f*cked up.
If you're still alive and you like this bear and want to keep them around then exchange information.
With this you will be able to make plans in the future
This is a key part to your future relationship with the bear, all of this makes the bear feel wanted and loved.
Once this part is over and the bear goes in for a hug then,
Congratulations!
You have officially befriended a grizzly bear!
But remember, don't ever ghost the bear
Grizzly bears are very sensitive
They also have a great sense of smell and will track you down and probably have you for dinner.
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Its not really about grizzly bears