Excuse me! Am I the only one who objects to that enemy of pre-adolescence, thehated vegetable, that evil, green stalk of broccoli? Why such strong feelings,you might ask. Well, after having this tree-like thing forced down my throat onedinner after another, I have quite reasonably turned spiteful. I know I'm notalone in my quest to eradicate this spot on an otherwise clean plate. Why isbroccoli so popular among the parents? Certainly they can't enjoy it. My parentsspout their little sayings about this "worshipful" green vegetablewhile I sit at my place, staring at my arch-enemy, with it staring back. Itsgrubby little leaves mock me. If broccoli could talk, I know it would belaughing. Hey, is this green vegetable really worth scarring millions ofchildren's spirits? I'd settle for a compromise, maybe even peas.

I'm notwithout reason when I go on this spiel about broccoli. I think that the forceddigestion of broccoli lowers one's self-esteem. Yes, that catch-phrase of the '90s hasnot invaded our vegetable stands. When parents force their kids to eat theirbroccoli, this breaks their spirit and will eventually lead to the downfall ofAmerican civilization as we know it. When I use this line of reasoning with myparents, however, they counter with George Bush's failed run for the Presidencyin 1992. In the most documented broccoli showdown in U.S. history, Bush denouncedour mutual enemy in public. He said he didn't eat broccoli. How did this relateto his loss? Well, according to my parents, this lack of broccoli made Bush losehis campaigning stamina and eventually lose the campaign. I can't win.

Arespears of broccoli really going to change the world? Will they ever make me abetter person? I leave you with one final plea: Give my liberty from broccoli, orgive me death! 1