I am a genius. I belong to the unique Genius club. You must be smart, smarter than anything to join. We meet only at secretive, select times, so no one will know who we are, where we meet, or what we do. In fact, it is so confidential; I should not even be telling you this. But I am. We meet in Utah, because no one would suspect us to meet in Utah. But then again, no one knows we exist or who we are, so why would they look for us? And they will not find us, because they are not Geniuses. Neither will you. That is why I am telling you this confidential information. Anyway, in these top-secret meetings in Utah, we do- wait, I cannot tell you. If I tell and someone finds out, my Genius status shall be taken away. And my memory stripped. Yes, we Geniuses can do that. We can do anything. Because we are Geniuses, that is why. But, then again, if we can do anything, why can’t we tell? Wait, why am I asking you? You are not a Genius; hence, you do not know the answers to these complex questions. In fact, I bet that you are confused right now. And frustrated. Are you? Well, don’t feel stupid, most non-Geniuses would be confused. You are a non-Genius right? Well, why would you be reading this story if you were a Genius? Don’t answer that! You might make yourself look dumber than you already seem. And I don’t think you can afford to look much dumber. Of course, no offense intended. But I bet some is taken. No, I know some was taken. I know some was taken because I am a Genius. As I was saying before, we Geniuses are an elite group. We admit only the best and the better than the best. You would not be admitted. Why, you ask? Well, obviously, because you, my acquaintance, are not a Genius. You are just a fallible human. I do not mean to dishearten you, but it is true. Wait, I’m getting a signal from my fellow Geniuses. They are saying that they have located a new Genius and want me to welcome him or her. A new Genius is a very rare find and being chosen to greet the new Genius is a very rare honor. I shall go meet the new Genius now, so goodbye and good luck in your trivial lifestyle, whoever you are.
Let’s see, located on 40 north longitude, that’s funny. That is where we are. Anyway, and then 60 degrees west longitude, but that’s also where we are. Funny how these things work out. Take three steps forward, one...two...three. Oh, I am sorry for running into you. These instructions must be wrong, because they say you are the new Genius. Wait, you are the new Genius? Oh my. This isn’t looking too good for me, is it? I am mortified. I knew you were a Genius all along, really, just didn’t want to say it. Don’t shake your head like that at a fellow Genius. It doesn’t settle well. Uh-Oh. Another new thought occurred. If you are a Genius, you must know that I wasn’t telling the complete truth. Should I tell the complete truth now, or not? Wait, I know your answer, because I, like you, am a Genius. Well, you see, Geniuses do not really meet in Utah, nor can we erase memories or strip away a Genius status. We also do not know everything. In fact, we do not exist. There are no such things as Geniuses. Who would ever believe in something as crazy as that? I wouldn’t, because I know that there aren’t any Geniuses, because I am a Genius. You are confused now. You should be. I am confused, also. But I understand, at the same time. Odd isn’t it? Anyway, I lied. You may decide which part I lied about though. Did I lie about Geniuses existing, or how there aren’t any Geniuses? Yes, confusing, I know. You say I lied about the Genius part. Guess what? You lied too, now. I lied about how there weren’t any Geniuses. Because there are Geniuses. You, apparently, are one. You do not have any of the qualities of a Genius, so I do not see why you are a Genius. You lack the certain knowledge of well, everything. You also are looking confused right now. Geniuses are never confused. I have all of these qualities, and more. Why, you ask? Easy. Because I am a Genius.