Death is a dark, welcoming mistress that is both feared and longed for. She in time finds all of us. Have you ever considered the thought that you can desperately want her, but cannot find her no matter how hard you try?


Most of the time when people speak of immortality they talk of it as a gift that we should all want. These people are not like me. These people have no idea what it’s really like. These people don’t know what happens to you when you live that long.


If you’ve been around as long as I have, you view it much differently. You do not view it as a gift, but instead as a curse. I’ve been around for what, six hundred odd years? Trust me, it’s just as long as it sounds. In fact I’m not even sure if that is a good estimate. I just stopped bothering to keep track of the years after awhile.

In my time I have seen so many different things. New worlds being discovered, the rise and fall of many empires, and more of the 20th century than I would like to. It’s not just the major events of the past though. It’s the people. In fear, in joy, in hope, in anger, all of it. I’ll never forget the people I’ve met. The lives I shared, the secrets I’ve learned, the love I’ve been in. I just can never forget them. Even if I wanted to. I don’t know if there are any others like me, others with my curse. If there are I wish them well and I hope that someday we can find each other so that we can find something solid to last the centuries.


I never knew exactly who my parents were. Just tiny, scattered memories of which I’ve never been able make any sense of. I grew up on the streets of many different cities both big and small. Even then I never stopped moving. I stayed in them for a couple of decades, each or at least until too many temporary things had left me, whichever came first. I guess that was always the hardest part about all of this. Still being around when everything and everyone you loved and cherished are just gone forever.


Now just imagine this whole process ad infinitum. It just wears on you as time goes one, until you finally reach the point where you just can’t stand it anymore. This is where the whole immortality thing comes in. You just…can’t…die. Trust me, I know, I don’t think there is a method I haven’t tried. I’ve had plenty of uncomfortable conversations with the undertaker before and I even survived a nuclear test for crying out loud!


What can I say though? When you’ve been around as long as I have. Life, well life just gets old after awhile. No matter how great it is. It makes me think of that song Jack n’ Diane by John Mellencamp.


“… Oh yeah life goes on. Long after the thrill of livin is gone…”