Inside My Life | Teen Ink

Inside My Life

November 15, 2007
By Anonymous

The acute sound sharpens to induce another throbbing headache, like the almost inaudible beep of an electric thermometer. The F56 bomb possesses a deceiving sound, calming & serene... for most people. I however know by now from years of experience, it’s a warning sound, the sound of danger & for me the sound of pain. I know what will be soon to come...“Countdown: 3...2...1” The torment of this situation is incredible. The things I have to endure & the everlasting bitterness that slowly burns away, you wouldn’t believe, it’s the worst kind of suffering.


Thrown backwards & slammed into the earth, the feeling is a G-force 7 thrill ride that doesn’t stop, sudden pain like a thousand shots of lightning tackles you inside & out, your nose burns with the toxic poison of fumes & you’re blinded by involuntary tears running down your cheeks... but still not dead. There is nothing to describe it, nothing that would make you understand.
That’s the basic shorthand for “My life”, a Rubix cube that no one can solve. You remember Romeo... Just offs himself with a small vile of mixed herbs. Well, you know what... Some of us don’t have it so smooth... I was engineered in a SOLAB “Secret Operations Laboratory”, North Carolina & for the first four years of my life there was nothing outside of Division 24, zilch. Yeah, that was my very own “unique” version of “little world” for you to visualise, you’re thinking sterile, white, chemicals, the smell of disinfectant & obviously a couple of torturing devices to strap the latest test tube kid into.
The motto was this: exploit anything to destroy something... But it’s worse... When you have no umm…”1 way ticket”, you can’t die & there’s no way out of it. Sadly, I was not made to be mortal, I was tested on, revised & observed for defect by my very own team of 4 white coated, gloved, & incredibly serious lab geeks. Then at 4.2 years of age, when I finally met the satisfactory levels of requirement, like every other experiment, I was released a full fledged “Junior observe & destroy”. This is how it works: I get sent out, observe a target, define the weaknesses & then I Destroy... simple plan. After all in my industry no one can be too careful & no one can afford to leave the evidence.
Not only is it no evidence it’s also no failure. Those four eyed lab coats, I’ll give them this, they were smart so naturally they made us smarter & they made us stronger with sharp modified senses, never to fail, able to live amongst the humans but never with them. The perfect weapon, that is how I was made & that is how I will always be. In my world there is no happiness but also no sorrow. Pain? that’s another story. I have the SPS which means self preservation system. It means I can feel pain but only ever in the physical sense, like a trick dice where everyone else has emotion 1-6, we have only 1, 2, 3, 1, 2 &1 again.
At first our species was classified “experiment only” but it was judged in that critical moment that we were needed for the greater good. They say “Never judge a decision made on the spot when you’re sitting at a desk.” but when I’m sitting in the mud with grit in my hair & scars on my back, I know it was wrong, but for some mistakes the consequences are high, for me the consequence is my life.

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