My pointed ivory feet pierced into the water first. I cut through the wavy waters like a scorching knife into skin. I hold my breath and squeeze my eyes shut. Once I am settled 10 feet under, I dig myself up to the surface. I explode out of the water and rub my eyes. My lips are narrow, and slightly parted. I breathe deep breaths while keeping myself afloat. My lips are chapped from the ocean's kiss. I go back under. 
“That was some pretty good form. Definitely getting better” Becca yelled from her spot on the shore, while flipping through a Rachel Ray magazine.
“I almost balked. I thought I wouldn’t be able to put enough distance between me and the rocks.”
“Yeah that’s the only thing. It alway seems like that, don't it? You never think you’ll hit them until you do” she says. I tread my way out of the water and make my way to her. The sand is wet and rocky. The sky is gray. The wind nips at my freshly wet skin. I plop down onto the sand where my towel is layed out. 
“It sure is a cloudy day for June” she says nonchalantly. 
“Are you high? It’s the middle of October you dunce.” I say with a slight laugh. Becca stays silent. 
“I heard mama freaking about the hair,” she says, eyes on the paper.
“Mm.. I guess.” I can taste salt on my lips. 
“I think it looks good. It suits you.”
“It’s easier to manage that’s for sure. Everything’s dead anyway.” I say monotonically. She closes her magazine, crosses her legs, and puts both hands behind her head.
“Now what’s that supposed to mean?” she says in almost a scoff. 
“Nothing, I just mean with the diving, in all. Salt water really does take a toll on your hair. And we both know mama can’t afford no showers everyday.” I say, keeping my eyes forward.
“Yeah..” she finally gets out. We stare at the cobalt blue waters, crashing into each other. The sound of seagulls and the waves are the only thing unspoken.
–
I push open the front door and find mama in front of the mirror in our living room hallway. Her eyes are squinted, and her head tilted. She’s swiping drugstore blush on her cheeks. Her dirty blonde hair is half up half down. All sorts of clips are shoved into where ever they’ll fit. “Evening' mama. What’s got you all dressed up?” my sister says as she saunters over to her. Mama ignores her and speed walks to the kitchen. She scooped up keys, mascara, and a pack of pyramids. She dumped them into her purse that was already over her shoulder. I can hear her heels clomp on the floor. She stands by the door for a second, rifling through her bag. 
“They got me working double tonight” she says, looking down in her bag. My eyes widened. Just a bit.
“What? Again?” I say, crossing my arms.
“Yep. Matts putting me through the ropes cause some football convention is supposed to be coming through” she says in choppy, unfocused sentences.
“Down to this 400 populated shithole?” Becca scoffs. Mama still doesn’t say anything. “Yeah yeah sorry..” her voice calls out as she makes her way to her room. 
“You just got off a little while ago. Does he really need you? Everyone and their mother works at the diner in this town. Why can’t Abby pick this one up?” I say all this in a softer voice than Becca. I never flaunted like Becca does. She speaks her mind and once it’s made up, no one can tell her otherwise. 
“He’s got Abby down there too. Full house tonight,” she continued. Now I understand the get-up. 
“Oh, well alright then.” Mama zips up her purse and tucks her flip phone into her stockings. 
She strokes my hair and gives what little is there a yank. 
“That’s for chopping off your sister's beautiful hair.” My heart skips a beat. What does she mean by that? I silently wonder. She then grabs my face and gives my cheek a big kiss. “And that’s because I love you” she says softly. I look up at her. Her skin is an orangey color. It’s usually a light leathery tan.. when she's not going to work. Her hair is curled and looks like it was done in a hurry, and her eyes are full of sadness. This makes my forehead crease and my lips purse. I say nothing. Instead, just give her a weak smile and a nod. 
“Be careful around table 8.” I say as she turns to leave. Without turning she replies,
“Always am.” She gets in and starts her car. I close the door behind her with a faint smile on my lips. I bite it away. I walk to the kitchen and stare at the lit cigarette balancing on the ashtray. I lay on my elbows and hold my face up with the palms of my hands. I hear the tires of my moms 90s Mazda kick up gravel, and drive away. I pick the cigarette up between my fingers and take a long drag of it. I exhale the smoke over the counter and prop my foot behind the other. I stub it out after a few more hits and fill up a cup from the sink. I open my prescription pill bottle after reading the labels. A few said Rammone Abernathy, a couple said Becca, most of them said Sydney. I didn’t think of myself as unhealthy for a 16 year old. Mama said it’s all in my head. She took me to the only doctor in town and he wrote me prescriptions for antidepressants and olanzapine. I don’t remember what they are for now. Becca never liked this place. Maybe it was the air but she always felt like she could never fully inhale. Like something had their hands around her neck her whole life. Ironic for two swimmers. I pop 2 each from the three bottles into my mouth, with small sips of water to help it go down. I screw the lids on the bottles, and place them back into the cupboard. I drag myself to the bathroom and take off each layer of my clothing. Exhausted. I wanted to collapse where I stood. I crumble and crawl into the tub, tugging on random things until ice cold water begins spewing from the nozzle. I was about to drift to sleep when suddenly a set of knocks came at the door. I pulled myself up, immediately snapped out of my daze. I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them tightly. “Come in.”
“Hey. What’re you doing?” It was Becca. She closed the door behind her as she entered cautiously.  She pushed her back up against the wall, slowly sliding down. Mimicking my same position.
“Nothing, I don’t know.”
What are you doing in here?” she said.
“I don’t know, okay. Somethings been on my mind.” I said. I stared out of the window. The sheer purple curtains blew slightly. A chill was whipping through the screen protector. Animal noises admitted from under the silver moon. 
“Well don’t just sit there, tell me” she said almost sounding like she was accusing me. It’s been 4 months since she’s looked me in the eyes. I don’t try to look at her either. I started noticing after the funeral. She’s always staring off into the distance. Like she sees things no one else can. Tonight was no exception. We stayed silent for a moment. I reposition myself in the water. Now, my arms are thrown over the side and my shaggy short brown hair covers my eyes.
“I’m glad you’re here” I say in a groan.
“What do you mean” she states harshly. Suddenly my head starts spinning. I begin to feel nauseous as spit starts coating my throat. 
“Dang these pills..” I say in a wince. I place my hand on my forehead, with gritted teeth.
“What are you doing Syd” she says. My heart drops for some reason. Why does she keep asking me that.. I prop my hands on the side of the tub and attempt to hoise myself up. My elbows collapse into themselves, knocking into each other, sending an icy pain through my arms and up my veins. Ow god, what the-? Why am I so weak? 
“Becca, come over here and help me –..” my sentence was interrupted by something. I finally brush the wet tips of my bangs out of my face when I saw her. She was standing above me, crouching slightly. But that’s not what set me off. It was her eyes. Two inches away from my own. Black, and staring at me soullessly. I screamed, and fell back. My head hit the tilings of our shower wall. My eyes were squeezed shut. An initial reaction to the pain. I sat there for a moment. Rubbing the side of my head where I hit. A few seconds later, I was put out of shock by two deathly cold hands grabbing my shoulders. My eyes shot open and my eyebrows creased. My mouth is open, wincing in breaths. She pinned me against the tiles as she crawled into the tub. It was like sleep paralysis. I couldn’t speak. My eyes dart around the room. The first thing I noticed was the water. It had turned a matt black. I noticed the new vines creeping up the walls in a twisted dance. Every corner of the room was black. Mama’s curtains are torn off the wall. The bar that was once holding them lay still on the ground, rusty and old. “Olanzapine” was the only thing I could spit out. Her deformed eyes stared at me. Pieces of her once rosy cheeks are gray and fleshy. She has a huge stab wound in her chest, but nothing is there. I can see her mangled ribs sticking out of her skin. T-this isn’t Becca..   She finally speaks.
“Her time among us was brief,” she said flatly. Her face, expressionless. “Yet she lived forever, in our hearts.” 
“What are you talking about?! Who are you?--”
“Through now her journey's end, teaching us what truly lasts.” She grips my shoulders tightly. What?? “Love that outlives the flesh” her voice picks up. “Memories that shine bright even in death's darkness.” Her voice has begun to distort. The words come from deep inside her chest like she’s presenting in 4th grade choir. She gets louder, and louder. Her nails dig deeper and deeper,-- “Lessons that light our way when all seems lost.” My face blossoms with horror as she continues. “We honor her now for the joy she has brought us all.” She weeps these words with agony and sorrow. She belts each sentence angrier and more distraught each time. She sounds like a f–king psycho.. I silently cry to myself. “THE TEARS SHE IS LETTING US CRY WILL BE FOR NOT.” She’s shaking my shoulders as multiple streams of blood pour out of the gashes from where her nails are in me. I burst out with tears and screams. She’s screaming too. Her jaw, unproportionally wide. Her eyes, hollow and sickly. She wails and screams. All while still digging into my shoulders. I bang my head against the wall, over and over again. 
“Stop! You’re hurting me.. Let go! Go away!” I bawl. My words are barely intelligible as I struggle to get out of her grip. Then, it hits me. I stop struggling and my head falls back. My whole body goes numb, my brain filters out all of the noise. My eyes widen like a cat’s in darkness, and close like a deer’s on her final breath. My ears begin to ring. 4 months ago.. Her time was.. Brief.. Sydney.. When all seems lost.. Sydney… In death's darkness. The shaking stops, and all is silent. Sydney.. My heart beats swiftly, and a scream catches in my throat. My body vibrates and I feel sick. 
“SYDNEY.” My eyes snap open. 
–
Ambulance sirens wail, accompanied by police sirens as well. I remember the last time I heard those. 
“Just breathe ma’am. When did you find her?” 
“Right when I walked in! I just found her lying on the floor. I was so worried I didn’t know what to do! I tried shaking her but she wasn’t responding. That's when I called the police.” She spoke in a rushed, crazy kind of way. She had her gray sweater wrapped around her shoulders. Tugging on both sides, holding them together, like it was hugging her or something. I haven’t seen her wear  dads jacket like that since she hired the priest. Becca would have hated the whole thing. I sit on the back of an ambulance with a scruffy blanket wrapped around me. I listen to mama’s conversation with the cops. 
“..you did the right thing. Could you please tell me anything that was around her when she fainted? Did you notice anything out of place, maybe? Anything at all? We just want to figure out how this happened.” The cop said, holding out a pen and notepad.
“Well no not really..” mama said, she looked down at the ground for a second, with a puzzled look on her face. Like she was trying to remember something. “Wait! Yes. Her olanzapine pills were spilled all over the counter. And a cup of water was knocked over next to her too. Do you think the pills could have knocked her out?”
“Hmm..” said the cop. A woman in a white uniform appeared from behind the two. 
“Not quite. Judging off this medical history it seems that Sydney has.. Vivid hallucinations. Said it started sometime in June.” Mama bit her lip. 
“I think Ms. Sydney was in the process of taking one of her prescriptions. Maybe she possibly missed a few days.. so the gap in between could have offset some hormones in her brain, causing her to be light headed. Sure. Makes sense to me. I thought as I signed a sigh of annoyance. Suddenly a hand was placed on my shoulder. Causing me to jump a little. A new cop in a brown trench coat, a big mustache and a toothpick hanging in the side of his mouth introduced himself to me as Detective Willis. He asked me questions about what my hallucinations make me feel.. Or something like that. Days later I ended up in a bedlam somewhere near Vermont. Just until we can find a permanent solution. The state won’t let me stay with mama because she works 3 jobs. She visits me as often as she can. I write to Becca everyday. They promised to let me visit her grave soon. I dream of drowning in the freezing waves of Cannon Beach. I started diving right after Becca’s accident. I don’t think I should tell mama this.