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Undocumented Americans
Undocumented people in America are a big problem. They are a drain on our resources (resources that they produce many times), a threat to our security, a violation of our laws, and take away jobs from the real Americans, jobs that we Americans, of course, don’t want, but that is beside the point. Thankfully for all the true patriots out there, I have a solution. A solution so simple, yet so elegant, so effective that it will make your head spin. A solution that will solve the immigration issue once and for all and a solution that will make America great again. What is this solution, you may ask? Well, let me elaborate.
First of all, we need to build a wall. A big, beautiful wall. A wall that will make the Great Wall of China look like just a fence. A wall that will be paid for by Mexico, or maybe by the undocumented people themselves. I mean, they are here illegally to make more money, so they must have some money, right? The wall will keep out all the rapists, the drug dealers, the terrorists, and all the hard workers who take our jobs in order to live a life with opportunities, a life that should be exclusive to us Americans. The wall will be a symbol of American strength, a tourist attraction, and a source of pride for all patriotic Americans.
Secondly, we need to deport all undocumented people. All of them. No exceptions no mercy. It does not matter if they have been here for years if they have American-born children, if they have jobs if they pay taxes, or if they are good people. They are here illegally, and that's all that matters. We can't have people breaking our laws and getting away with it. We are a nation of laws, after all. The Muslims, the Mexicans, the Chinese, the Africans, the Europeans, the Canadians, the Australians, hell even the Martians. We cannot trust anyone who is not like us. We need to make America pure again.
The only problem my solution can have is that it may be difficult to find all the impure Americans. My other solution if we are unable to deport all non-Americans, is to make a deal with the undocumented people who are left. A deal that they cannot refuse. A deal that will make them pay for their crimes, and also make us richer. A deal that will be fair, but not too fair. The deal will be like this: the undocumented people will have to work for us, for free, for the rest of their lives. They will have to do the jobs that no one else wants to do, like picking strawberries, cleaning toilets, and mowing lawns. They will have to live in special camps, where they will be fed, clothed, and educated, but not too much. They will have to wear special hats so that we can tell them apart from real Americans. They will have to obey our rules, our customs, and our language. They will have to swear allegiance to America and renounce where they come from. This deal will ensure that the undocumented people that are left in America after building the wall will be put to good use instead of just staying in our country and taking our jobs and resources.
With this solution in place, America is sure to prosper, because now we will have fewer criminals in our county, and we will have more resources available for us, the real Americans. This will also give currently unemployed Americans the opportunity to do all the hard, grueling jobs that immigrants did previously. Jobs like construction, cleaning, farming, housekeeping, and other hard jobs that I'm sure Americans will be happy to take.
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